The Artistic Scientist
My preprimary children-
Me: So who's your boyfriend, Catherine?
Catherine: Errrmm.... *thinks*.. It's Tombe!
Me: Oh ok
Catherine: Don't tell him, ok?
Several Points to consider:
It's been about 3 weeks since my first round of fever, and things are only just promising to improve. I've slunked around the house for days, a mysterious doppleganger of my former self, making ghostly nose-blowing noises and tackling the resident pantry rat in favour of bed bugs. Let's face it, misery loves company. My nose, in a fit of feminine vengeance, spewed wrath upon my ear and eye. I was pretty peeved myself about the negligent medical care I received that resulted in the re-invasion of bacteria.
I'm growing up. It was a dreary realisation- sifting through job advertistments and not having a sense of humour when my nose needs it the most. Work is barely amusing, triggering a slightly above static response from me. Imagination eludes me. I am frustrated, unable to move backwards, hold on to what I feel defines my quirks, or play the fields I used to. Am i really moving on? P.L. Travers must have understood this well enough to describe the development of Annabelle in Mary Poppins. I think he mourned the same.
I wish the world would stop for a while, just to let me be me. Stoppit. stoppited.
It is better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all.
It seems there are several in the audience coming to terms with this. And the reports have not been smooth sailing so far. As expected. But as a die-hard romantic, I stand by my motto on loving. It's one the boy has demonstrated. I only took it on when I saw it's impact. In the very end, when all is said and done, when the accounts are closed and the lights are out, it is still very much better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all. No man, after all, is an island.
It's 22 degrees outside- finally a nice day after all this awful winter. I've come down from Mirrabooka and it's the end of my testing. No more audiometers. No more beep beep, no more clicking nonwords and recording on PRAAT. No more un-cooperative children (although they were all quite nice!). I'm so relieved. I've grown muscles just from lugging all that trash around. And for the last time, I bothered Psych Reception to put things back into the test library. No more. No More. It feels good. Like a milestone. Or a checkpoint.
Regrouping in my head is no longer a nightmare. Nothing is impossible, insurmountable, incomprehensible. Everything has become near second nature, automaticity is the game of the day. I am so thankful, so grateful. I'm on the home stretch of my final year and I'm jogging. By the grace of God I didn't collapse on the sidewalk and deflate like a pricked balloon. I'm more than surviving. It's everything I prayed for- I'm living. I'm liking this. I'm tired and sick, but I'm so functional!
The excitement that December brings is pee-in-your-pants worthy. I'm serious, you pee in your pants, and see how exciting that is. It's really very exciting lor. I am looking forward to ending prac, doing the last exam for the last time, finishing the service reports (scheduled nov 4), finishing compass, and finishing my thesis! YES YES YES! I will make it to the end and what glorious, sweet victory it will be. God dabbled with the things that happened this year and I am safe. saved. in savoury heaven. He has been faithful.
I must send out more resumes. This job is so thrilling, is it not? Oh! And I've finally bought Aquim- the trusty hand sanitiser. No speechie is complete without it. Just Squirt, and Rub. With other things, I hear it's the other way around. *muahahaha*
You and me we got a superlove
I'm eating all of Dennis' prunes as he cooks dinner. Hmm. I should feel bad because they are his prunes, plus, I don't like prunes that much, I'm just hungry. Anyways, I'm just sianded because I have a couple of things to do that are not that urgent which makes me even more unmotivated to do them.
1. Mail Polly
2. Apply for jobs
3. Rewrite thesis
4. Look over voice exam
5. Write portfolio
6. Buy mooncakes
I'm SO excited about the end of this year, or that this year is ending, or that the end is near! Whatever, I'm all about end of the year! So many exciting things are happening and I cannot wait to clear school off my checklist of ticks to do.
Dear God keep me in the straight and narrow.
There is only so much in life that one can grasp, and thus suffice to say- only a part of that that one can consider important. Does life simplify as I age, or entangle itself in it's own weaving?
While melancholy on the whole has left me, I now wonder if this blankness is preferable, or not? One is never satisfied where they are. The straight haired people want curls and the curly haired people want rebonding. Everyone wants green grass. So, to break the mold I have decisively entered into an up down state containing both the doldrums and the manic highs. Bad!
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