YOU ARE HERE

I've hit a new point in the map, I've moved and the journey is shifting. And as I lay here, motionless, helpless, orientationless, undefeated, I feel the rush of a power that is not mine, a gentle stable strength. Then a wretched gush, as if part of me has died, and over that, a soothing peace that things will turn out ok. Sovereignity. He has a right to it because of what happened in the very beginning.

Still sitting pretty with a pistol in hand.
And the warm gush of surrendered life oozes.
Butterflies rush into the atmosphere,
blood splatters in a relieved way-
cardiac arrest was the more human,
more pathetic way out.
I don't need to die on the outside.
I need to die on the inside.
Surrendered heart- no longer my pain to bear.
Die to my pride, my self, my being.
Learn not to own me.

Oh God, you are so good.
I don't know why He is so gracious.