Mondays

Mondays feel good because I always feel a bit more Singaporean.
I got home and opened the window. The cold rush felt like it was going to rain. So I closed my eyes and pretended I was back in my old house, and instinctively, I put tonic into the cd player. It's funny how things that I never knew in Singapore can still trigger Singapore feelings (the high this junkie is looking for). The melody lines are so simple, they remind me of my bubblegum pop days, but the orchestration of each song is so semi-rock that my cringe-sensors for pop are appeased and I lean back to think about nothing at all, because the memories have faded. It is so sad to believe that I will never get my life in Singapore back, but I realise that I've begun to build something new and finally, like a seedling sprouted, there is a little to show for it. It will never be the same. I still love everybody I loved there, but we have grown in our loves. We have grown separately, and I am thankful that God has allowed us to grow parallel and not apart, even though none of us see each other very often. I will grow less and less attached to my island home, or I may return to it.. but nothing will ever be the same again, and I think I am finally resigned to it (after what, 4 years?). How can I anticipate what is to come after I cross the graduation threshold, when the old is forgotten and the new is not come? I am like a semi-amnesiac who cannot remember how to live. I have nothing to extrapolate from, and this is when the promises of God are much easier to believe in (or harder, it depends). While statistics are not my cup of tea, calculation has never left me. And in that math, maybe a little rhythm may emerge?