Inconsistency.
I am inconsistent. In one day I finished 20 pages. The next, I did 6. HELP ME. Like. I only started one week before the exam lah. Since when do I start 1 week before the exam? Oh. When there are 7 assignments due in 3 weeks. yes, that is why.

I saw a sign today that said "redback beer". and I thought.. who would want to drink that. What if it really is made of redback spider extract (read: poison)? Men.

I did have a good time watching people and things and all in freo today, but most of all I think I've found a niche in freo that really accomodates me. The new edition bookshop. I found "The paper bag princess" there and I was completely blown away by the range of childrens books. Imported from the UK. You can bet on it. The prices testify. muaha.

I've been sad about things I shouldnt be sad about. People tell me it's ok but I can see it in their faces that the translation should be, "It's not worth it, why are you so silly??" Yah, why am I so silly? Maybe because I don't want to be here anymore. It's such a fight to survive. Everything is a fight. Getting up in the morning, going somewhere, studying, even skating. I have to force myself to keep going, to do things, to stand taller with chin up-per and nose tilted so far back the rain would drop right in. Skating is a good sort of fighting. At least you know what you're dealing with there. It's concrete- a sort of physical pain and neurological battle to encode new motor skills. It's satisfying, it's slow, it's painful but the fight is harmless. In my other battlegrounds, I don't know how much life I lose or how much damage I sustain. I don't know if I am going down today, tomorrow or the day after. I don't even recognise it when the screen blinks 'game over'. I will never drop my sword until my heart stops. And maybe that is my downfall.