It was never in my interest to rule or govern, because it would be of no benefit to anyone, and that myself included.

Yet I hesitate to submit for fear of being abused in my submission, thinking that authority of authority has gone on a coffee break, but how wrong I am.

We play our quiet lives and live hum-drum, waiting for a bout of excitement to hit us, and when it does we do not in the least enjoy it in the way we say we will, for it is often too much upon our narrow backs. What we forget is that in overcoming our misadventures, we bring glory to the one who put us here in the first place. Flailing and failing pieces of inanimate pottery, we wonder how such miracles may work themselves, but we have forgotten Ruach Elohim, the God who breathes life.

In the last fight when the white witch advances and we think we will die trying and wonder where in the world Aslan is, remember that we do not see the full picture-the question is, are we with him? He who answers, to the death- is the one who fights with the peace of life eternal.

John 8:58- "I tell you the truth," Jesus answered, "before Abraham was born, I am!"

It was the non-grammatical word structure that made it truth. It is a continuous present tense, a daily gift that can be opened and re-opened, a reclaiming and a re-surrender. A proclaimation of what is and always will be. He is 'I AM'. Has he ever needed to be more? To claim Him Himself, not his gifts or his words, not his actions past or future, is truly the greatest gift and His only necessary sacrifice. He is mine. Have Him if you will, His invitation stands.

Sacrifice and re-sacrifice. claiming and re-claiming. Oh, walk and talk with Him- no money, shopping, mental rearrangement of thinking and pop self help talk can replace the normality He gives me, the feeling that I was made as I am, to be. And that I am being right here right now. Bring me to tarry next to you, let us walk in the place you chose and built, let us lie under stars to hear of things unheard of, to talk of you and of yourself, your plans. Give me more of you, empty me so I can store you. And in our precious conversations build us together, ever twined in unreleasable security.

I trust, simply because I do not understand. If I did, i would not have to trust. I wish I had eyes that would see into what He sees. But he saw before I did what would happen and what is to happen. He knows what to do. The facts don't change, but my blindsightedness does. At some point, I have to put forth a hand and take hold of a promise I don't understand at all, no matter how incredulous it sounds. Is that not a miracle? Something performed when it seems impossible?

Let me walk anew- every train ride, every step, every new breath, every word spoken in human exchange, every tone and look, every patient, every session, every assessment, every written note and every report- show yourself to me in every corner turned. It's not a romantic desire, it's a desperate cry. Be God of everything, and I need to know I am not alone. I am so relieved you are here.