Smitten

I had forgotten how loosely we used these English words until I remember today that the original meaning of smitten (from, to smite) is really to deal a blow. Nowadays, we just say, "You must be so smitten with him!" Or, "She's already smitten." And I had lost it's true negative context in the hustle and bustle of rising colloquialism.

I know I haven't been very thoughtful in my entries at all lately; mostly I just don't want to think. Or, I have nothing to think about. The truth is, it only thrills me to write when a particular concept or idea appeals to me, or is revealed to me. I muse over it and turn it over in my mind until I am happy with the result of my inspections, then I slowly put that into words. Lately, I've just been writing mundane rubbish, which, as Ger pointed out, is really a waste of my time and yours.

I've discovered a few things today that did appeal, however. The first is that the theory of behaviorism seems to be present in the old testament, but no longer in the new. It's as if we've found a better way to do things after Christ's victory over death. Perhaps this is why the idea of behaviorism appeals to me but I simply cannot conform to it. They were halfway there, they were. But science cannot accept the existance of a creator God who is sovereign. And that is why cognitive behavioral therapy, client centred therapy and these psychodynamic theories annoy me. I am subjected to extended lectures on these points, yet the more is said the less I am able to justify their use and their remediative effect. The more I am convinced that they're missing something, and that science is just too objective to accept the truth of it all. The law leads to death, but in grace I have been given life. What will they make of that? What do I make of these therapies that are self-centred, people-centred, help-centred and conformity-centred? I have no faith in these things, yet they talk about 'faith' and 'belief' in a scientific way that does not encompass it's definition. God, please help me find a way to work in my professional life that will reflect a different set of inner workings and beliefs.

Your value is reflected in how much someone is willing to pay for you. And if your creator, if the God of the universe, the deity that owns everything is willing to give up everything to redeem you while you were still his enemy, then I reckon you must be pretty pricey. And that is your true value: what your redeemer says you are, you are. And He thinks the world of you. Literally.

I can't stop eating chocolate now. Ger's just gone home and I realise now how much the camaderie between us means. The last time I remember feeling this way was when Lydia and Rachel were around. I miss you girls so much, even though I don't say so enough. Thank you, you three women, for each taking the time to know me, taking the time to banter and have our own special inside jokes, having mindless fun times and deep ones too, taking time to do nothing with me (and the TBoys), giving me space when I've needed it, and just being with me in all our different moods.

Ger.. Don't go lah. hurhur.