Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I'm eating ginger. I'm bored. I'm boring right now. One day, when exams are over. I will be exciting all over again. Inside and outside. I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. I ate a lot of rice instead. But I have weird cravings. And I don't know what I want. Bubble Tea? I want.. I want.. I seriously don't know what I want.

There are a lot of things I wouldn't mind. Going back to SG, Green Tea cake, Snow Skin mooncake.. but there's nothing i'm craving for like crazy that I want. And it feels weird. Like Johnny Depp with his compass. Mine would be pointing everywhere madly. Unless I lined up everything I wanted in one line and made the line face Singapore. Then the compass would work. Oh, that's suddenly amusing. Everything I want, huh?

But I think this siandedness I'm feeling is very typically pre-exam anyways. It's.. "normal". What's normal! Sigh. And I'm slightly anxious about post exam life. Scratch that, I'm scared. I is needings to see the babes. And Jo. and Dia. and everyone i will really miss out on this time, not going back. It's so foreign not to go back. It's.. awful, actually.

Getting to the end of 3rd year is scary. It means that life will change very soon. It means I am going to have to work.

Honestly, it seems so bleak sometimes because I don't know what I will be doing or where I will be. Will I have to start all over again? I know God has plans, but I don't know anything about them right now.

Marriage is a scary prospect. Like a sour horror movie gone wrong she wakes up screaming in her camisole when the priest in her dream bellows, "I now pronounce you..." Then she realises it is just a dream and her single bed is a safe haven for her poor defensive soul. Miss independent, miss self sufficient, miss keep your distance. She has learnt to live alone for so long that she doesn't understand what it means to share life intimately anymore. Don't mess with her dishwasher schedule. Or stain the chic persian rug in the spotless studio apartment. And she might meet a butt ugly man in a rowdy bar one day, but what good will that do her? She is still heaving from adrenaline- fright from the dream. "No you can't have me", she thinks, "whoever you are. I don't know who you are going to be." And she turns her lonely back on her lonely lamp and pulls her lonely blanket back over her lonely head.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home