Sweet Tolerance

Finally, today, it came back to me. Alone and unafraid, I reached out, the first in months/years. It's not been lost. Like a child, overwhelmed and unregulated, I pulled it all out from the gutter. And the sparkle was like a clear spring day.

We danced, the first in months/years. No, you haven't left me. No, all is not lost from me. The ennui melted from my soul. I rejoiced, overflowed, shattered and reformed. I watched the golden sky in my rearview mirror and the greying close of the day from my windscreen. Crazy times, good times, life-times. How can I trade this? The content of my soul- to be writ by one hand, overseen by only one gentle eye, and loved solely by the whole-entirety of his huge unknowable spirit.

Believe, it's about believing. Can I truly accept that the father of the prodigal son wanted him back? If I can, I know how it ended. I can, I want to. What do I believe for myself, what can I, what do I want to believe? So many things now. So tender, so hopeful, so full of small mercies. Day to day graces, small perceptions, I am blind, in love with the world.

Then I was sad when I came home and read the things I did. The dark anger I pushed away. Am i to be torn between two, able to choose one but not both? How come you cannot be happy with my peace? I cannot deny which I will choose, for my own selfish reasons, but also for reasons pertaining to morality and integrity. It is the right choice. But that brings no comfort when another is suffering, angry, corrupted by my own sin. I wanted to be sorry, but I couldn't apologize for loving and being loved. It's apples and oranges. What do you want? perhaps they sold you something with false advertising. Perhaps you are finding out the faulty mechanisms in the cogs but only after you paid the extended warranty. I'll give you back the money for it if you really want that. You seem angry enough for that.

Weren't you told

Just why you were sold

The transaction was more than money

The redemption is blood.

I just want to revel in you-

Love is the thing this time I'm sure
That I couldn't need you more now
The way that you saw things were so pure
Overjoyed