All the grand schemes we had

My discomfort currently ranks a 7.5/10, which is uncomfortable enough to make my stomach churn and to experience a degree of depression which forfeits me the joy of weekends (not to mention the joy of being married next week). Should I decide to be assertive and send my discomfort levels sky high? I am already working hard to moderate myself and my regulation techniques are not working. I have not tried the ultimatum- confrontation. it is like putting water in your ear to get water out of your ear. I am not a fan- but it works... sometimes. I am like Sheldon having french toast on oatmeal day.

Nothing holds me today, I am shifting loosely, hanging from nothing. Nothing seems potent enough to fixate me, escape me from this reality. Maybe I've taken too much of a leaf from Dennis' book and become too much of a realist for my own sanity.

Do artists do my job? or only scientists? How many are artists? How many scientists? This deep sadness inside me rings of defeat- I've been too scared and too tired to fight. I've asked God why I keep having to face another difficult situation, but I already know the answer. I have to grow, right? My stomach churning is not last night's dinner. It is the sad anxiety I wake up with in the mornings that doesn't dissipate.

Dear God please help me! My brain is leaking and I'm really not thinking straight. And I want to be happy for tomorrow.