Sighz. I’ve come to a decision, and it’s not really one I like to make but it’s one that I should make and so I will.

I don’t care what they say. They can say what they want, think what they want, eat what they want and how they want, sleep however they like, think however they wish, grumble, flirt, kiss and cry however they like. They can eat cookies without milk and throw away perfectly good vegetable. They can stay up late at night. They can pester me and try to find out what the situation is. They can choose to be mean to me and want to hurt me but it won’t hurt me. They can’t get me. Because I have my self worth intact and I’m not what they call me in any way. Because I believe that God is the only one who has the right to tell me who I am. And God would not use the f word. And anyway, God is the only one whose opinion is of true value because He knows me better than I know myself even.

My scarf smells of Estee Lauder’s Beyond Paradise. Ahhh… nice. I have nicely painted nails on my left hand with pretty yellow and white flowers. My right hand is just plain silver. YuCkZ. My handphone smells like Christian Dior’s J’adore and my wallet smells like J Lo’s Glow. I’m serious. I got the perfume samples and stuck them in the right places and now my possessions smell like aforesaid. Couldn’t make my keys smell. It doesn’t hold the smell I think. What rubbish am I going on about now??

I just finished my English crap. But I have a Kanji test on Monday, 3 chapters of bio to learn and a calculus EPW that I can’t do. I’m bringing it to church to ask Jon about it tomorrow. Hehe. Only got tomorrow to finish the bio, though. Scrap the jap lar.

I feel better now. Good thing that everything blew up only at the end of the week, because I really needed the weekend to re-establish my self worth. Really must thank some people.

1. Alix, for trying to help me and for warning me on Friday. I’m so sorry to have hurt her when I got scared and panicked.
2. Shah, for understanding without even hearing my side of anything.
3. Andrew, for just being cool when I came out of directed study wanting to cry.
4. Kate, for not blaming me when Alix got upset, and even inviting me to lunch.
5. Lydia and Samantha, for seeing me at lunch time just to support me.
6. Kristine, for as always being pretty cool about supporting me.
7. Rachel Chan, for wanting to stand up for me.
8. Carolyn and Cherie, for just supporting me.
9. And biggest thanks goes to Timmy, who was there the most for me in school and was super neutral and didn’t in the least impose on me. Really sorry for troubling you though…
10. Another big thanks goes to Jon! Thanks for all the encouragement you’ve given, you’re really the best, even if you do tease rather unmercifully sometimes.
11. Jean, you’ve been a darling and I really thank God for bring you along and for the prayer support.
12. Baby Rachel, mitsuka, for your indignance on my part. I can’t be the one to react, so you have to do it for me. Hehe. Thanks a lot…means a lot to me, but you mean even more! Love you always.
13. Lydia, who I know still thinks of me because I think of her. That’s all I need sometimes. Your sunshine face in my mind makes me smile. Especially when I’m down. Love you too.
14. Daddykins, who calls and worries a bit (I think), for first of all, accepting me and for giving me the best encouragement and the best advice, and the bestest love a dad could give. I love you!!!

And of course, I thank God! But He’s not a person, so I didn’t list it. But God’s sustainence has been magnificent, and if I didn’t have Him, I would be so in trouble. I don’t want to think about what it’d be like without Him. He’s been strength and support, peace, love, mercy, refuge, power, kindness, father, friend, grace, adequacy, acceptance, joy in the storm, ever present, and security. I’m so glad He loves me. I’m glad He loves you too! He’s just been the best!

“One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.” Psalm 27:4

|Nichole Nordeman|+|HoMe|

Bright are the stars that shine
In somebody else's sky
Green is the grass that grows
some place different
more possibilities
more than you offered me
More than I care to see
from a distance

I was certain that the Truth would be
in a place that kept eluding me
but every stone turned and unturned again
would only serve to prove
that I never had to move to find you

And you will always be
The only love I'll ever know, home
You you have made for me
the only place i'll ever go, home

God for the shameless pride
The times when I rolled my eyes
To laugh at simplicity
show me mercy

Knowing what I now now
Its hard to imagine how
I could feel anything
but unworthy

And The Mystery of your love for me
Is not as hidden as it seemed to be
Should have known then when you said to me
"seek and you will find"
It was right there all the time

I believe in the quest and the journey
I believe that the answers come in time
And where we begin is where we are arrive

I'm a princess... or so I was told... hee~