Sigh.

It's finally happened. It's all over, all at once, and Su Re and I are staring disconsolantly at the 'what-ifs'. I am supposedly content- knowing that this outcome was the only good outcome. I am like a drowning child who will not be saved for love of water but was picked out wretched, kicking and screaming.

My mind is upset that what was only yesterday is turning out to be history so quickly. Maybe it is better to live this way- be pricked by a needle now than stabbed tomorrow. I've lost appetite for all normal foods. Now I just want junk and comfort food. I didn't think it would affect me as much as it does now. Well, that is what you get for playing with fire and in 3 days time, my anticipated "indifference" may yet save me. Iam counting on it. I am ashamed to admit I had emotional attachments. I should learn that what I've done in similar fashion to others.. this is what it feels like. It's true, if you want to play snap, make sure you snap first. Always the smarter choice.

I think back over the weeks. Maybe I was just dumb. In a few days time this will all be better. Just.. come on, time! Come on! argh. argh. Antagonising. I wonder if he knows that this mattered to me? Or what it even meant? Maybe I am just.. not aloof enough for my own good. I think it was my own hole to dig.

I'm... Sadded..