Lifehouse
I am listening to lifehouse's everything. Songs like this make me want to cry because I have to remember how human I am and how awesome He is and it makes me feel so small yet so glad He still wants me. Songs like that. And praise you in the storm, fringes, tremble.

Sometimes I feel so pathetic. And I am constantly amazed that He still wants me, He keeps taking me back, He is the one who chases after me when I go on a tangent. He does the hard work, and all I have to do is listen.. slow down.. obey.

Sunday.. Yesterday marked the fulfillment of a prophecy I knew in my heart would come to pass. Yesterday afforded great freedom. Yesterday was truly the part I knew- Isaiah 61:3. I have been waiting a year for today to happen. I've had my three strikes and this must be my home run. I cannot turn back anymore, even though part of me is scared to go on. How can i even begin to say where I am, where I stand? I still want to run away, but He has given me strength to go on. Every part of me that is human is screaming to run away. Every part of Him is helping me stay calm.

3
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor. (Isaiah 61)

I laughed, for my mourning turned into joy. I laughed because He gave me boldness. I laughed because at long last, my burden is lifted, my cuts healed. I laugh because the victory was always mine and i have been waiting for this day. I laughed more than I had laughed in a long time. I looked like a manic. But it wasn't manic, it was transformation. It was magical, it happened all so quickly, it was the final breakthrough, the setting free.

How can I stand here and not be moved by you??????? You're all I want, you're all I need, everything. I called, you answered, and you came to my rescue and I want to be where you are. Just one day in your courts. Just one alabaster jar. Just one sacrifice in an area I cannot afford. That will be enough for me- one day in your courts. One glorious day, one neverending day.

"a man is least himself when he talks in his own person; when given a mask he will tell the truth." - oscar wilde

Sara has found disclosure increasingly difficult.