RUTH and ESTHER

I realised the similarities between these two bible women are very comforting. And their womanhood is really gorgeous. I always imagined Ruth as dark-haired with liquid eyes and Esther as a flaxen haired, fiery eyed woman. But it was always their personalities that put these physical qualities into mind, so it's an imagination of inside out. If I looked like on the outside what I am inside.. I think I would look like a grumpy old woman? Haha. Trying to change that, ok? But that aside, my assignment is to find favor with the king. All else is dealt with by the king, so I should know what I must do!

I admit that I am stressed. I am not unhappy, or upset, or debilitated, or despairing, or any of those "I cannot take it" things. But it's true that I am stressed. I've come to accept it as a fact of 4th year. Maybe when i find a comfortable routine, i will derive an ingenious way of combating this stress so that I feel as competent on the inside as I pretend to look on the outside. Then I will market it to everybody and sit back like the fraud most pop psychologists are. We need God, not self help. Our girls are wonderful pretenders. "Oh yes, I'll do that, no problem" we say, "OMG more work than I can handle I should cancel dinner" we think. We are too proud of our efficiency to admit our shortcomings. Or is that really just me? Is everyone really that awesomely efficient?

I took the train for the first time last Friday to meet Dennis in the city. It was really very exciting for me, although I felt so goondu because I kept trying to look for the button to ring when I wanted to get off, forgetting that trains stop at every stop. It's a little bit like Singapore MRTs and I was dosed with more nostalgia than I expected. With the setting sun outside the left window and a dark train of cars rushing through on the right, the happy melancholy (dumbest truest oxymoron ever) set in, and I was contented, but very homesick.

This week is preparation. I must finish another honours draft and have it in by next week. I also start at Therapy Focus next week and the pressure is on to perform well and get noticed etc. Ah heck, even if I don't get noticed, it's not the end of the world. Just job wise only mah. Don't do anything stupid, like badmouth your supervisors. When having tea in the tea room, HAVE TEA. It makes you calmer and you cannot talk and swallow at the same time. This means you are safe from getting yourself blackmarked even before you can market yourself. Should I sell myself as a fish or a vegetable? Vegetable sounds like I am lazy right? Ok I shall be a trout.