Dear all,
You only know what you lose when you've lost it. But I don't regret not doing or doing certain things when I was in Singapore. So I'm fortunate that I "died" and left Sg with little or no regrets.
Yes, like it or not, I "died". Nothing will ever be tha same again and that is something I must MUST come to terms with. I MUST move on or I will be miserable.
However, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I mis Rachel and Lydia so so so so badly. Dear girls, I must tell you this now: My social position is quite terrible and I think that i will be without a good friend for a long long time. Also, nothing will ever beat our friendsship and when I talked to one of my close church frens e other day, I realised that what we had was a real blessing from God, and that good friends are RARE! Very very very very RARE. A near extinct breed, and I think I shall have to be content with acquaintances all year. I will be content knowing that it's ok to be goodfriendless in that sense. Because i have been hurt by the people here and I don't think I shall make any attempts to socialise soon. Maybe eventually, when I feel like I can handle the social system better, I'll make a few more friends. I'm so afraid to put myself out there- make myself vulnerable. As if I don't have enough to deal with!
I don't know what to do, socially, really. I guess just hang around by myself, come home straight from school, and go find teachers for lunch in the afternoon. No, I don't want a social life right now.
I feel threatened by that group of singapore girls, I don't want thm near me. The malaysians are studying way too hard. I have 2 options. Take up Grant's group of friends just to test the waters out, or to ask my church people to look up some murdoch kids for me. I'll start by doing both. I must be careful, though. Not go headlong into something I don't know about. But by the way grant is right now, I think their group may be an ok group.
Little miss rachel girl here wasn't too happy with sara the study nerd. Too bad. The faster she drops me the better. Just don't bitch about me can liaoz. I was nice to the gal who insulted me in front of the other girls, but I don't want to be her friend. It was just for the sake of proving that I'm not LIKE THAT. Whatever like that is like.
I love you two forever, and I miss you two so much. I will see you soon ok?!?! Mommy is coming down soon, but not soon enough. on the 27th of feb. I am counting the days to keep me alive. 18 days left. That's a start. I will drill my way through to it. Wish I could call you girls every night. I would so get killed.
School work isn't that easy, so I'll slack off a bit for a start. Less stress, less sadness. the first 3 days I was here, I didn't know what to do. I was such a wreck. And I really thought I was going to die. And for the first time in a long long time, I thought about overdosing. But it just crossed my mind. I thought about my parents and my friends and I knew I would never do it.
I realised that on thursday my human spirit was capable of dealing with this. I felt terrible, and still feel terrible sometimes, and scared and hurt, but I knew that if I could just wait through the suffering I would survive. It's the second week. Don't expect too much, I told myself.
I guess I'll have to enjoy being a loner for these few days. Find my own fun. Even if I become boring it's at the expense of survival. I'll learn to enjoy my own space. and lots of it. To be content on my own till someone comes along.
My skills of assessing people have failed me rarely. And I don't like what I see in the people here. So What I'll do is just stick around till I find someone who looks at least trustworthy.
And take it from me girls, what we lost when we separated is not ALL of our closeness, cos our foundation is firmly built. We'll always be friends cos the world has too few saras Lydias and rachels. We were the perfect chemical formula and only now do I know how to truly treasure our friendship. Your photo's in my notebook. You're part of me now.
I hope you are alright. Everybody's adjusting to their new life now, and I think you all have different problems from me. It's just that everything seems to be coming my way all so fast. I wish I has a shield.
Every time you need love, I'm on your side. Still here, still truly and fully yours,
Sara the cheesecake
I miss you guys.
You only know what you lose when you've lost it. But I don't regret not doing or doing certain things when I was in Singapore. So I'm fortunate that I "died" and left Sg with little or no regrets.
Yes, like it or not, I "died". Nothing will ever be tha same again and that is something I must MUST come to terms with. I MUST move on or I will be miserable.
However, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I mis Rachel and Lydia so so so so badly. Dear girls, I must tell you this now: My social position is quite terrible and I think that i will be without a good friend for a long long time. Also, nothing will ever beat our friendsship and when I talked to one of my close church frens e other day, I realised that what we had was a real blessing from God, and that good friends are RARE! Very very very very RARE. A near extinct breed, and I think I shall have to be content with acquaintances all year. I will be content knowing that it's ok to be goodfriendless in that sense. Because i have been hurt by the people here and I don't think I shall make any attempts to socialise soon. Maybe eventually, when I feel like I can handle the social system better, I'll make a few more friends. I'm so afraid to put myself out there- make myself vulnerable. As if I don't have enough to deal with!
I don't know what to do, socially, really. I guess just hang around by myself, come home straight from school, and go find teachers for lunch in the afternoon. No, I don't want a social life right now.
I feel threatened by that group of singapore girls, I don't want thm near me. The malaysians are studying way too hard. I have 2 options. Take up Grant's group of friends just to test the waters out, or to ask my church people to look up some murdoch kids for me. I'll start by doing both. I must be careful, though. Not go headlong into something I don't know about. But by the way grant is right now, I think their group may be an ok group.
Little miss rachel girl here wasn't too happy with sara the study nerd. Too bad. The faster she drops me the better. Just don't bitch about me can liaoz. I was nice to the gal who insulted me in front of the other girls, but I don't want to be her friend. It was just for the sake of proving that I'm not LIKE THAT. Whatever like that is like.
I love you two forever, and I miss you two so much. I will see you soon ok?!?! Mommy is coming down soon, but not soon enough. on the 27th of feb. I am counting the days to keep me alive. 18 days left. That's a start. I will drill my way through to it. Wish I could call you girls every night. I would so get killed.
School work isn't that easy, so I'll slack off a bit for a start. Less stress, less sadness. the first 3 days I was here, I didn't know what to do. I was such a wreck. And I really thought I was going to die. And for the first time in a long long time, I thought about overdosing. But it just crossed my mind. I thought about my parents and my friends and I knew I would never do it.
I realised that on thursday my human spirit was capable of dealing with this. I felt terrible, and still feel terrible sometimes, and scared and hurt, but I knew that if I could just wait through the suffering I would survive. It's the second week. Don't expect too much, I told myself.
I guess I'll have to enjoy being a loner for these few days. Find my own fun. Even if I become boring it's at the expense of survival. I'll learn to enjoy my own space. and lots of it. To be content on my own till someone comes along.
My skills of assessing people have failed me rarely. And I don't like what I see in the people here. So What I'll do is just stick around till I find someone who looks at least trustworthy.
And take it from me girls, what we lost when we separated is not ALL of our closeness, cos our foundation is firmly built. We'll always be friends cos the world has too few saras Lydias and rachels. We were the perfect chemical formula and only now do I know how to truly treasure our friendship. Your photo's in my notebook. You're part of me now.
I hope you are alright. Everybody's adjusting to their new life now, and I think you all have different problems from me. It's just that everything seems to be coming my way all so fast. I wish I has a shield.
Every time you need love, I'm on your side. Still here, still truly and fully yours,
Sara the cheesecake
I miss you guys.
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