Soleil is in town. I pass the circus tents as the wind blows at the flags atop, teasing them, chasing them, calling to them. They, who have always harkened to the wind. Followed it, impulsively, to go wherever it went. These people are true nomads. The freakish circus act is just that- an act. A means to an end. A people who've lived for what they've wanted all their life. Married in it, moved with it, sweat for it. I envy them. For their talent to do as they wish, as well as the courage to bring themselves where they want to go. Maybe not in a jet plane with 12 assistants each, but on trains, with luggage and stuffy seats, which is so much more romantic anyway.

Money is the most unromantic thing I can think of.

Wanderlust has turned to uncertainty. When should I book my ticket to Scotland? Should I book it? Should I go to Melbourne? If I don't get my holiday this year, next year might find me rather blue/white. After running on two weeks of caffiene, my body has succumbed and I've skipped class today, trying to quench my sleep deprivation and my mind's over-quick programme telling me what I must do today, tomorrow, everyday. I am guilty- Suze promised to pass me readings and I cannot find CR's email address. I am stuck with library Databases. I am definitely feeling it. I am definitely in 3rd year. I am definitely going to finish 4th year- I just wish it was sooner.

I've finally calmed down from the hectic semester. I haven't had more than two skips of a heartbeat to myself since clinic started. And I've sacrificed to have my time off today. But it's well worth it. The silence is deafening but it's the only sound I desire. My thoughts, usually so far off in the background are starting to surface. Two beats, three beats later, I close my eyes and imagine that my tea is a cappucino and that I am located in a quiet alfresco cafe in the heart of Italy. I want to be there, taking in at my own leisure with truly truly nothing better to do, the sights and sounds and simplicity of life. I want to watch people again, because it reminds me that we're really not so different, and more importantly, that I'm really not so different at all. I want my coffee to taste hot, indulgent, thick. I want the summer sun and cool breeze to swing in and sway to a theme i cannot hear. I want the sun to set and the customers to stream in for dinner, making the cafe buzz and come to life. I want, for that time, for the world to matter to me only in the ways I want to care. No thought to work. No pressure to perform. No stakes. And most certainly not high.

Mum's home. We've gone vege cracker mad. Sorry, calories. I've lost weight, but at the rate I've gone today, I'd better stop. sigh.

Not going to do work anymore today. Need to stop eating and stop working! And sleep more.