I haven't posted for quite a while now... perhaps it's the Truman syndrome, (aka not wanting people to hear you moan and groan about every single pathetic detail in life.)

However, I will update... cos I haven been posting much of anything decent. (unless u consider random quizes very productive.)(I did enjoy the squishy quote, though. Kept me entertained for about a day in total, then lost it's novelty.)

I had a terrible time today in the english seminar... lecture after boring incessant talk. And it rained too. I spent the whole day listening to stuff on genre and intertextuality and I couldn't stand it. Except for the first 2 lectures by some guy called antonio taverno. I think. He was cool, and we got to watch an extract from the blair witch project. Oh maaaan, freaky.

In the end, I got back to school later than the usual time school ends and I was so claustrophobic. Do I really want to go to university?? *Think, girl, think.*

Camp on sunday was very good. Drove like 2 hrs there and spent 4 hrs there and drove another 2 hrs back. Felt quite woozy after the ride... so tried to jog... but I'm getting fatter by the day man...

I think I've burnt out. I studied hard for the exams and I didn't get a holiday after. So they're workin me out now and I'm just pushing everything aside to do what's more impt to me- SLACK. And I ate so much just now but it feels really really good man.

I didn't mention this before because it hurt me too much to do so... it's about Mr. Tan. I really got a terrible shock when I heard the news from rach. And I felt so bad about it. My first thought was... what about the kids now? why didn't she think about the consequences they'd have to live with?? I mean, human life isn't much thicker than a thread or a flame! All it needs is a little encouragement to be snuffed out. And I was just cut inside when I found out because there is no way I'll ever imagine how Mr. Tan feels. The feeling of helplessness is there too cos I can't even show support by going to the wake. And I was just feeling really sad... but I also realised that he can and will grow stronger from this... and all I can do is to pray that this experience will cause good changes in the lives it has affected. I know his wife was an ex-AHSian... And I see the way they loved their children. He was always so happy about his children and I remember that whenever he did talk of them, he was so proud of his family. That's really something to behold.


I'm so sorry that Rach has been havin bad papers. Girl, I really wish I was there for you. I know I wouldn't really have the right things to say anyway, but that's not what matters. I guess I wish I could just be there for you like always. But as always, your determination and drive has kicked in well, and you have already purposed to work hard. Proud of you always, girl.

I have this bad attachment to rain... not bad, really, but it evokes memories that are so happy they hurt now. I think it rained most significantly on december 20th 2003, well after 8.20 pm. And I remember jona and LC and me walking fast with only one umbrella btwn us. I was wearing my trench coat, green khaki tank and jeans. LC was in the white shirt and jeans he donned at the airport when everyone sent me off. I dun remember what jona was wearing. (hm,that's a good thing right??) As we were walking and soaking along boat quay, and also toward that small macdonalds (that area of the city is so beautiful at night I could literally cry.) the smell of rain rose in the air. I have always delighted in that smell. as a child I'd stick my head out the window just to smell the rain. And it was particularly strong that night. I was drizzled on. (the boys manfully shaded me.) and LC was soaked all on the left. (His right side was dry, haha.) Jona surrendered the umbrella halfway thru the walk cos we were blaming him for not knwoing how to hold one. So that was the most memorable rainy night of my life. Whenever it rains here, the memories inevitably come rushing back. Sometimes I stand there just to remember... but sometimes it hurts...and I want to go back to sec 4.

I'm full of childish demands... and in truth the paragraph above was full of them, and also of a yearning for that which will never be... I'll never have my world back the way it was. that chapter seems shut. Should it ever open again, I will run back in with no qualms and no regrets... and I will learn to appreciate what I have more than I did then.

{You don't miss the water till the well runs dry}