I feel really really upset. There's a whole bunch of reasons causing this.. and I think it all has to do with me. I think it has to do with that I can't take things well enough, I can't be nice enough to people, I'm super irritating and annoying and I JUST CAN'T STAND MYSELF NOW. I SUCK. I know how I haven't been able to cut it, haven't been the person I should be or was, and just am slacking away not doing anything about myself. Why have I lost the motivation to be the best I can be? I don't care anymore. I can go and rot in the gutter for all I care now. I can be the bitch that's just yelling to come out. I can just be the person I know people have labelled me. I can give it all up right now, because I'm SO TIRED of doing anything anymore. I could return to the way I was. Bitch. Recluse. arrogant snob. slacker. irresponsible. ignorant. It's all so so easy. To let it all slide. away. To let loose altogether. I don't think anyone approves but I don't want to think about that. I let what people say and do affect me too much you know.

[so distraught]