*-[Do you know]`+

When it's time to sleep? When you get so down and sad that you want to cry and you feel that there's no point trying so hard in life... that you should just borrow a good movie and watch it for the rest of your life... that you just wish tomorrow could promise you better things. That's when it's time to sleep... When your heart is so empty but so so sore... when it hurts when it cries and bleeds, but you shut your heart out and your face smiles... When your rawness wants to get the best of you.. when you want to scream the truth of all the hidden secrets glimmering in that dark cave of your mind. To tell the world that you don't know, don't care, and that we should all just behave ourselves. But how can we? I know I don't rule my heart, or my mind... I know that all I do is try as best as I can not to embarrass myself in public and not to step on everyone's toes.. but sometimes..

What is it about this life that keeps you going even though you know nuts about what's going on? If we're all such control freaks and we know it.. why not just let it all go...Some things we'll never have control over, and weather's the least of my worries. I know i must be very selfish to be ranting on about this rubbish.. not to mention too personal on a very public blog... and I see a potentially large amount of self pity spilling out but i just seem so resigned to having this tension in my life I don't know whether to keep on kicking and fighting it or to stop and let it go... I dunno.. when Mei En prayed for me on Sunday I saw myself kicking, and then wanting to let go, slack off and let whatever come, come. Funny thing is.. I don't know which to do.. I don't even know for what! Okay I shall stop here.... urrgh.. be a responsible kiddo and sleep so that I can do work tomorr!

[My beginning my forever]