May Rachel's pots never dry and keep growing.

Ahhhh.. just when I was wondering whether the things they said were true, you sent me and email and made me realise that it doesn't matter that much. Loveurach!

Head On Straight.

Thank God for people like Yoel. I don't think I would have taken the plunge without him. And now that I've done it, I realised how liberated I feel.

G Star Raw! No less.

It wasn't just a pair of denim jeans. It was a statement. It was me saying, I'll spend what I earn because I no longer can plough along saving for something that I can't have. It's me saying, I'll live now, regardless of anyone. I don't think I've ever spent so much on myself in one shot. And strangely, it feels REALLY GOOD.

Yeah, if I get found out I'll probably set off another string of "boundary" incidents. But hey. It's time to let go, baby. I've got nothing to lose no more.

---

Guy Kawasaki said pitching was about creating meaning. An insurance company sells care, not policies. Clothes sell identity, not modesty. Dome? Dome sells false wealth, and certainly not clean plates.

Nevertheless, a sticky trail of people-based stories emerge from the workers and the customers. Some are sad, frail, and others push forth life where no bud should have emerged, claiming victory in life's smallest ways, which are often most important. Me? Although I struggle in my own ways their are not half as interesting as the things I meet in the cafe as I work.

Thus, in the midst of angst, one must be thankful for creativity. I am pleased to refer the following anecdotes to he who is most in need of heart's ease.

---

She comes in everyday, sometimes in the morning, sometimes in the evening. Her face betrays a child-like innocence, although her skin screams her age. She orders the same thing everytime, a pineapple juice, no ice. She wants it on the spot. Today she also orders a white toast with marmalade and a long black. She has company. When the coffees go out, I see the man with her- similarly greyed and frail, as if they had been aged in the same way, by the same things. His eyes are sad as he looks at her; she isn't herself anymore these days. Every long-standing worker at dome knows this- a year ago she was very poorly, and her mind isn't what it used to be. I wonder why she comes to dome. Does this place remind her of something? She enjoys her meal. They leave, the cups and plates speak for themselves. No mess, no sign of frivolous pickiness. They have realised that it is too late for that sort of thing, all they have left is time, and each other. I recognise that same look of love in his eyes.

Just when you feel like there's nothing left to grasp.

Someone comes along and shows you that behind the velvet curtain lies a vast expanse...

Of nothing.

Shawshank Redemption

I dressed up for work this morning, tired, but high on adrenaline and raw emotion. Working for 8 hours straight was simple enough, closing brought freedom at 6 pm as well as a finders keepers bottle of strawberry bubbles. They make me strangely happy. And everyone is suspicious of the relationships working themselves out at work. Tip me over and pour me out like a cup of tea. Juicy, but not gossip for today.

I thought I was going to sleep at 8, and deliberated between the Shawshank redemption and Matt Damon in the Bourne Supremacy. Shawshank proved to be the better and right choice. Stephen King, twisted as he is brilliant held my attention for a good 3 hours and I really did have a think about hope. and about men.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Ironically, there is nothing more important than hope. Or else you end up lost, or worse, dead. It doesn't matter where you keep it, in a jar, like some supermodels, in a small purse, in a picture, or worst of all, in a memory. Because then there is no evidence of it, and it is subject to your internal perusal, time and again, and like some corrosive liquid, it wears away, shaped into whatever you wish it to be. What do we make of our futures except what is from our past?

Men are simple creatures. I realised this right about the time when Andy DuFrancs stood in the middle of the river and relished his jailbreak freedom. When he carved his chess pieces and when he wanted the boat. There is simple, and then there is simple. I should stop giving you spoilers. Watch it, it's Stephen King's best work ever and I don't even like him. It has an AMAZING plot.

Nevertheless, I feel a little less empty for being left alone for one night, crying as and when I wished and doing whatever I wanted. Watching a movie and being self conscious is not fun at all. I think a little bit of me is coming back. The me that you all used to know, the me I liked, the me that I think is somewhere inside me still. The me that makes me feel at home.

Maybe I should do the birthday party in high fashion.

It is not a man's face, nor his name that endears him to a woman. It is a part of him that he doesn't even know he has that makes her love him. Sometimes, she thinks it is merely a perception of him, and that maybe it doesn't really exist. At other times, she thinks it to be real. She hopes it is real. She hopes. And like I said, hope deferred makes the heart sick.

The person I really want to talk to now is Ger*.

Some things are sacred.
Some things aren't.
That's just the way life is.

The only thing that makes me happy now is brewing coffee at work.
And maybe the 'f' word. In my head, I still think it.
It's like a diffusion/transference device.
I think if I stand in the middle of my workplace
and scream it aloud...
I can imagine the crowd bursting into laughter
and the old ladies staring.
Well they told me to pay it forward,
but they didn't say pay what.
Christopher Robin's little black cloud.

I take it back.

DIET AND EXERCISE IS SHITTY!

Diet and Exercise

Hello new body! It's day three of the diet&exercise-fest.

Day 1- 10 am morning run with a grand total of 900 kcals in a day.

Day 2- 10 am morning run with a similar total cal intake. Grocery shopping for low fat, low cal foods and women's health, featuring a 31 day weight loss program.

Day 3- Running in the morning and cooking makes me feel independant. I make crysanthenum tea and herbal chicken and at this time (1.34 pm), I'm clocking in a 300 kCal intake. Not half bad. The magazine is awesome for information too. I should get onto my report. I've lost a total of 700g.