Checking in: 1:50 am.
Theresa Teng’s ‘Yue Liang Di Biao Wo De Xin’ is on the mp3. There’s a story behind that one. Given to me by Melvin, noe?? Haha. Read on peeps.
Okok, this is it. I finally decided to do a decent blog, cos I felt so zi bei when I saw Phishie’s. There’s a lot to say and I wun feel like saying it tomorrow so I have to write this down now.
|Thursday (8th April)|
Prominent enough day. It was the day school was out. I fought my way out of calculus class and rushed down the consistently jammed stairs to my locker. My calculus teacher, I must mention, really is of good interest. We were doing this chapter on continuity and limits and guess what? She decided to bring her laptop in and play us a really old eagle’s song… so lame. The words were like “take it to the limit” and we were gagging, the whole class. She was quite pleased with herself that day… I remember her giving out chocolates happily saying, “Happy Easter!” She’s really not such an old grouch after all. (No one who gives me chocolate really can be that bad, can they??) (So I’m cheap. Sue me.)
I basically tried to remove myself from the school asap. I wanted out. Home. NOW. Maybe because there was this terrible feeling inside of me that kept wanting to invade me and break me up. It was like the feeling you get when you graduate from sec school… like leaving, like saying goodbye, I’m moving on, I’m going home. I’ve leaving some papayas to boss the babies around. Like “Sayonara, I hope the potato doesn’t rot.” It was a really really good feeling. Until the reality that I wasn’t actually hopping on a plane hit me. And I just wanted to scream, “It’s not fair! It’s not! I should get a ticket home too!” But the truth was that it was fair. (dammit. Why am I so truthful. Somebody steal me a ticket! And sue me later. Like when I decide that I’ll run away to Bosnia or something. Somewhere people don’t understand English. I’m just crazy now. I think I’ll go back on track.) So… I walked home feeling more than blue. In fact, I felt totally miserable. Then mom called and said she was at our new house—that I could go over and help with stuff. So I did. But before I helped, I cried really really really bad. So poor mother had to deal with a crybaby and the housework. Then I helped. And I helped a lot.
But I don’t know why I want to elaborate on the feeling that I got. It made me feel nice and warm and bubbly and happy inside, only it wasn’t really true. I wasn’t going home to Singapore. But because everyone else was, I felt it too. It was a feeling of finality. Like the last day of sec 4. The last day of o’s (Then I watched matrix rev with Rachel and cried twice there.) It felt like I was going to some place where I would be happy. Somewhere exciting. That made me realize that I actually was pretty miserable. And what frustrated me even more was that the same question that bugged me before came back. “What are you doing here. You’re a six pointer and you’ve got a better future than in some slacker school trying to study hard when everyone else slacks and parties, get’s drunk, takes drugs and loves the idea of sex.” (Whether they can get it is another thing. Despos.) I’ve thought about me in VJ many many times before. It hurts to think about it. It hurts to think that me and Rach and Lyd could be together this very minute. (well, maybe not at 2:15 in the morning) Well, still. I felt like I had a really good life going for me. I felt like I was on to something good. And I chucked it. And while I don’t really regret it, it hurts like crazy. It frustrating. I realized a lot of people here actually came here because they couldn’t cope with something. Schoolwork, mostly.
|Friday, 9th April|
I was up late, at about 9. I packed up all the stuff in homestay and shipped them off to my new house, 5 mins down the road. I forgot to take a ton of things.
Sneakers
Condensed milk
Zucchinis
MY FLUTE!!! (gave me quite a scare. Called Crystal and asked if I had left it in homestay and she said no. but it was, so that was alright.)(I really am quite attached to it.)
Hash browns
Miscellaneous paper
Yep, that doesn’t really hit a tonne, but there we go. Exaggeration as a literary device. Sweet.
So I did more unpacking at the new house. It was tough because everything was a mess, and I just wanted it cleared. Clean. Nothing on the floor. Zilch. Zero. Nada. But you can’t always have what you want. So there’s still stuff on the floor. (sofas, tables, me.)
Then I was late meeting Jocelyn, who was to pick me up for vegetale night. (Hehheh, Lydia... I watched the story of Jonah. It was GOOD!) I had previously cut up the cucumber, and in my rush to meet her I forgot them. This is how it went.
5.20 reached fish and chips shop
5.21 order fries
5.25 remembered the cucumber. (what? Slow cannot arh?)
5.30 decided to go back for the cucumber after much deliberation.
5.25 reached home, rescued cucumber
5.30 clingfilmed the whole plate
5.40 reached fish and chips place again.
5.42 Got fries
5.45 reached the assigned meeting place.
And guess what? Joce was late. By 15 minutes. Oh happy day.
But we had a nice vegetale night, and we ate soggy fries, cucumber, pizza and a host of other stuff! (wonder why I’m getting fat??)
|Saturday, 10th April|
Not sure what I did, really. Did more unpacking lorz. No homework done at all. Zilch zero nada. Haha. I think I went heavy duty grocery shopping. Yep 87 dollars worth of FOOD… *drools* I saw Justin who works at the supermarket. He’s really smart. He studies medicine in UWA, and his score for the enterance exam was ASTOUNDING. Really really high! And he’s cute! And dao. -_-“ oh well.
|Sunday, 11th April|
I had a bad day in church. I think it has something to do with the fact that I am hanging out with the university people and that they don’t care about little old 16 year olds. I felt pretty much disregarded and snubbed as “Oh, you’re too little to be of consequence. I know you’re supposed to help, but you don’t know what to do so just let us handle it. Go on, sit in the corner.” Yeah, I really felt bad that day. We were supposed to be ushering… and they were carrying chairs down and I tried to take some from them just to help but they were like, “I’m fine. Leave me alone. Go away.” Yep. Crummy feeling. Too young and stuff. It hurts.
Then I went to see Melisa and her homestay, who had a birthday picnic. Yeah, the food was good and it was fun.. But I feel like I have nothing to talk about with her… I guess we’re just too different. But anyhow, we fixed a date for Wednesday with Charmaine, and we were supposed to go to freemantle. However, I dun feel like leaving the house… because I think mom needs me more and I should be here to help her adjust…
It’s quite a painful thing to remember that there are people I relate to well who are not around me… that they are in Singapore, and that they also are feeling crappy now and then. (Misery loves company, ne?)
I feel like it’s hard to relate to anyone here, that I want my friends back beside me, because they understand me, accept me and really LOVE me. They don’t want me as a friend for the sake of having more friends or because there’s no one else. They didn’t choose me from the crowd and say, “yep, I want to be her friend.” We, the few of us, we just WERE. That’s all there is to it. The trio- me and Rach and Lyd. The duos, me and shu, me and mandy, me and Avril, me and Joanne. Of course, there’s the more special ones like me and daddy, or the ones that grew better since I left, like me and Melvin. I want to be loved unconditionally by my friends again. Like back home in Singapore.
Maybe it’s because I’ve come to be seen as one with a bad reputation here. Last time when my character was my reputation, life was easier. But here, people perceive me as some kind of giddy bitch, shallow and pathetic. I can’t change it, but I regret not keeping a lower profile…
|Monday, 12th April|
I finally got down to writing about today! Then I looked at the clock. It’s Tuesday. Crapz.
I went down to bibra lake and had a picnic thingy with my mom’s new friends. It was really cool because I met this girl… jyots, her name was. She’s Indian, and she studies in Thailand. (realize my sentences are getting more kiddy? It’s late and my back hurts.) She’s in the international school there, and that’s the cool thing. She learns all sorts of other languages because she interacts with the people there. She taught me that the german word for shit was shyerzerl (or however you spell it.) and the Spanish one was mirddeeu (Or however you spell it or say it.) She made an important point. You realize, (esp Rachel) That in Japanese you put desu on the end to be polite?!?! So you can actually swear politely. Like Kuso desu. Or something like that. Well, enough about swearing.
I went home and was so dead beat that I went to sleep right away. And I woke up 3 hours later to 3 screaming kids in the hall. My aunt came down with my 3 cousins, and that was just plain havoc. It’s like an alarm clock!! So I got up reluctantly. And reluctantly bathed and dressed. And ate dinner with much more enthusiasm. (know what to bribe me with yet?)
And after they left, I decided to get the internet up and going. (actually mom decided that ages ago. But I procrastinated. Then I obliged.) I got my MSN running at like 10.45 pm, and Melvin came online, thanks to dearest Rachel who called all the peeps for me but couldn’t make it… sad sad…
Haha! Melvin… That was nice. He was so funny! He actually sent me a song. The one called “Yue liang di biao wo de xin” hehehe… an old classic. He said It was specially for me. So funny! Just as melvinish as ever, hey?? I’ll remember that always.. haha. Rachel, don’t roll your eyes at me.
Speaking of which, I gather that you ARE in a position to roll your eyes once again Rui Xia! Congrats on the shutdown! Can I have some tips?? Like, seriously. Just tell me what you do??? I want to know. I need to know.
|Tuesday, 13th April|
Finally. Since nothing has happened that is of interest yet, (it’s only 3 hours into the day) I shall write to people. Finally.
First off, DADDIE!!
Haiya. Think I scared you a bit when my flute sort of went missing and I freaked. Sorry. Looking forward to you coming, your toothbrush holder is waiting for your toothbrush!! (Actually it’s just a cup but it doesn’t matter.) Hope you’re not lonely and not eating junky stuff and I hope you’re having fun even though it’s not Bising there… It’s not very bising here either. I’m very quiet nowadays.
Next is LYDIA!
Dear ol’ darling, or as the British say, DaHling. Happy birthday yesterday, and a happy easter too! I hope you had your fill of jelly beans and all… I hope your sis is not too irritating, and I hope there are not too many old bossy people at work… Can’t imagine life there… At one point couldn’t imagine life without you either… Actually I think it’d be better if you can go and hide in daddy’s suitcase. And bring the fishbowl. Take care of yourself, find thee a suitor most worthy of your rare and wondrous beauty…someone reliable and trustworthy who will love you till the end… Even though you’ve chosen heartache now…I will still be there for you. Especially when it hurts! And so will Rachel. Give Rachel A hug for me, ok?
RACHEL!
Give Lydia a hug for me ok?? Right, lets try my Shakespearean entry.
Fair noble friend, I wept when I saw your heart, and thine sound advice I wish to take if only I were stronger. My fondness for him stubbornly remains, yet I would tear it from myself if I could but muster up the strength. Ask me why I still feel so; I have no answer for thee, no reason, no lie to present before thee. I know what I must do; but the task is arduous, tedious, if you will. Dare I attempt to lift up Olympus? Present me a solution, to the best of thine knowledge, I prithee. I implore thee! The vile vulgar crowd listen not to my cries, I do not wish to engage in talk with them. With you my normal self unfolds, I truly show once again. My faith in your words has not once waned, I know wherein my true prince lies. I know not his name, his face, his manner, but patiently I await his entrance into mine own small life. (I’m thinking 2 years more before I see any prospects. The adders are irritating me. How about subtractors??) For thee I have no doubt that thy prince (your cassius???) will grace thy path in time to come. Perhaps he be not of the decent of Japanese foods, but he will be noble and wise, kind and sufficient, and my heart will rejoice in your happiness. Thine marriage I will grace, I shall be thy fat bridesmaid if you will give me such high honor! Oh, what joy I will shine with, in all mine rolls of fat! Amidst the blob, mine own smiling face, that shineth round as the sun! (Why am I suddenly reminded of the time we were msging each other in old English about toilets???) I will look upon the church altar and try not to trip. I will step on Caesar! I will conquer! Veni vedi vinci. How does it go again???
Hahas… Think it’s time to sleep… My body is killing me…
Still feeling bad about Charmaine… think she’s pissed at me because I sorta didn’t wanna go out on Wednesday anymore… howz… ah well… they all dun like me anyway. No difference I guess… but it still hurts. Heh heh.
|Tuesday, 13th April|
You know what. I wrote you two a poem. Just for you two… It’s not a very good one, but anyway… Here goes…
Earth and Sea and Sky.
I sat by the water.
Looked upon my own face.
But I saw yours.
My heart seems cut.
A missing chip.
A piece of you.
I wanted to sail away.
Wanted to run.
Just to be with you.
Just to share my life with you again.
2 years just isn’t enough.
Had I known you longer…
I know you still.
I love you well.
Fair friends
Forget not.
My Laughing stars.
They are in the same place every night.
Oh well. My poetry never was very good at all. Know what? It beats all how I like to write my blog entries in the wee hours. Heehee~ Anyway, here are some of the antics and standing jokes I recall from our upper sec school life.
The one with Joanne, who was dubbed for some strange reason, your bladeness. I think it had something to do with her penknife. This moved on to Rachel. Because she kept wanting to go to the toilet, we said her toilet was her home, and since all water led to the sea, it made no difference. I remember when nemo came out and Liren was like, “Wah, Rachel! Don’t get all cocky just because your relative made it big, ok!” Haha!
Now, I don’t know how many of you know about this one, but there’s this standing one with Rachel… The one when I talk to her on the phone and I can actually imagine a piece of string and how it sort of squiggles to fit the tone she’s talking in. I used to describe it to her… And she’d get so so mad!! Haha… That was fun…
I remember the poem, Creation of fishes… I remember the first time I saw it… I looked at Rachel funny. And remember in the biology book in sec 4 there’s this experiment about dunking guppies in saline and being careful not to kill them?? Ha, another one of those save the fishes campaign.
Speaking of which… I think I was the one with the fewest nicknames. Let me see.
Lydia had these…
1.Mating Girl
2.Obese figure (which could be punched out on the calculator, by Jonathan Phua mainly.)
3.Piggy
4. Lala
5. Pink Girl
6. Deer
7. Dear
8. Mitei
9. Saizo
Rachel had these…
1. Fish
2. Phish
3. Guppy
4. Pygmy Lady (courtesy of Loong Choon)
5. okami
6. Mitsuka
7. Rach
8. Rae
9.Wachel (courtesy of my grandpa J. Ho chee kit)
And me?? I had these…
1. Cheesecake (no thanks to tan chin tiong, mr. My add maths teacher… silly teletubby. Hope the TV is bigger now.)
2. Lala (this one courtesy of grandpa, J. Ho Chee kit.)
3. Sawa (prounounce “sah wah”, courtesy of J. Ho again. Thanks Grandpa.)
4. Rara (courtesy of Melvin.)
5. Woman! (Courtesy of Joanne)
Well… I heard the calvary production was good as usual… Lydiaaaa… send me the vcd ok?? I wanna see somebody’s face… And I wonder if Avril is still enamored with him?? *winkz* Yay! Go Dwyane!! Your scripts always rawk! Yay! Go people! The acting rocks always… esp with the new additions to the cast, I think! *winkz again*
I remember how we’d always go the school early in the morning to get our books from the locker… How it was always so super jammed up… Do you know I still have the lock from the locker as a memento?? I still remember the combination too!! Sigh… Jo let me have that one. What color were our lockers again?? Red, I think. I wanted the blue one. I remember Jo and I were the first to put in our applications! Hehe.
Oh, Lydia. Do you realize that Eugene still thinks I’m 19? Have you told him the truth?? Hehehe. Wish I could see his face when he finds out, man.
Yes, I remember ‘say it.’ That was a disaster on a large scale, except that I was so extremely blur to everything. Haha. All I remember is heavy make-up, A hula hoop which we lost, and me being very very very fat in my jeans performing on stage. How embarrassing! At least we got a nice dinner at Mache for all that. And we went bowling with Mr. Chia the big O. And I never paid him back for it you know! Haha, Now’s a bit late, ne? And all our names on the bowling screen were like, “Somebody, nobody, anybody” and we changed mr. Chia’s to “Big flat pancake” or something…
I remember walking into the canteen with Rachel, and she’s be like, What to eat?? Then we’d settle for yong dao fu, and she’d always tell the auntie, “not so much noodle please!” And that auntie would always charge us different prices for exactly the same things we ordered. I later found out that she was the aunt of this salesgirl working at the Daniel Yam boutique. We were prom dress shopping, remember Lydia?? She had dyed blonde hair and was a bit plump and had these high heels on but she was really nice to us—didn’t put on airs like the rest of them. Anyway, on some days, Rachel would be like, “I’ll EAT soup today!” Then she’s skip like this happy kid to wait in the line, so contented… haha… so super cute! *ducks as the fishbowl swerves in my direction*
And DO YOU REMEMBER the time Lydia made me and Rachel walk down the WHOLE of orchard just to find her prom dress?? And how she said, “Actually, I think I’d rather go back to Suntec for it.” I nearly murdered. We just hit far east all the way from Heeren! But that day she got it…that angelic white dress, and we went for bible study. Everyone wanted to see it. And I remember Rachel bought 2 dresses! And I bought sticky tape. Hehehehehehe.
Shuling, do you remember the time we finally decided to meet?? And we sat for hours outside the This Fashion shop in Eastpoint just talking? That was one of the best ever!!! It reminded me that our childhood bond never broke, but got stronger, and showed me how much you grew and got stronger too!
Avril, remember the time I went to your house and we sewed furry stuff galore? And you actually got me hooked on mvp qing ren for a while there! I am so ashamed of myself! Hahaha.
Remember church camp… and the angel and mortal game and how Shington took the picture of me and Lyd on the couch? Hmph. And I made him coffee every morning too! And everybody thought that person on the couch was Eleanor. I framed my poor lao po…
Sorrie dearie…
I hope Eleanor is alright. I hope she’s coping well. I remember she wasn’t feeling so great during camp. I pray things have turned around…
I hope Alison with her little green eyeshadow and her painted nails has found happiness with ahem ahem…
I hope Desiree stopped bullying people. (Who does she bully now that I’m away??)
I hope Li Qi, my darling love rival is still as crazy as ever. (So she gets to have Eleanor. So what?)
As for current affairs, my status is [annoyed, blanked out, just trying to ignore because I’m so angry with *ahem*] [processing data… doesn’t tally. So I got mad. Fill you in later.]
Kkz. That’s all for now. I think I may write more before I post this online, and everyone who reads my blog is going to faint at the length of this entry. But you wanted to hear it, so here it is.
Had another bad day. (today is Wednesday.) Don’t want to blabber on the web in case some spider spins my story somewhere I don’t want it to go. Will explain more in other ways. Have a good night, peeps, Jaa ne!
