Life, at the moment, is very enjoyable. So far, I have had one of the best Saturdays I have ever had in my life- just doing exactly what I want to do. It has been a long time...

Friday night- made pulao, chicken curry, pistachio macarons and meatballs. Sat morning: exercise class, sushi for lunch, shopping (got a minidress) and a big nap. I read recipes all evening and mused over the special pictures in Harumi's cookbooks. I don't know why but that made me really happy. And this morning, I had wife cake for breakfast! YUMMMM.

Sighh..

there are a couple of things on the to do list though.

1. book flights for Lydia's wedding

2. settle song arrangements for retirement village

3. complete program design.

Having things to do is hard some days. I don't feel like working this monday. =(

To those spambots leaving comments on my blog: Don't you know NO ONE really reads this blog?!

I think I'm losing him and I don't know what to do except let him go.

I'm so tired of fighting that I am actually going to watch TV and let it slide.

It's not like he has much to say to me when he is always tired anyway.

Oscarette

I believe that mostly I am grumpy and naturally fairly melancholic. I understand how irritating this can be to other people. The older I grow, the more I realise that my preference is to be alone. Every man an island. It was easier to go home on Sunday than to be with friends, even beautiful people who cared about me. I just wanted the space of being solitary, the knowledge of safety in singularity. The older I get, the more reclusive life becomes. I don't know how I will ever be able to support Dennis in church when I am turning from a monkey into a mouse.

I have decided to repeat advanced classes to push my pain barrier to the point where extreme will be more workable. Advanced wasn't too bad for me- maybe I need to push myself more. I need to keep going till November when I can put my pole up in my home! And I am still sore about not being able to get a static and spinning pole because I bought mine about 2 months before that one went on sale! Grrrr. Nevermind. less reason to fall off.

Terry and Anne are now married. I am so happy for them! And I wish it was my turn quick. They had a traditional chinese dinner at northbridge chinese restaurant and everyone was so funny because they wouldn't eat the jellyfish, shark's fin and abalone! hahhaa.

I spent $72 on a dental check today! Why so **&%%& expensive?! Because I had X rays done. Why? I am asking the same question. BLEH

Broke for this week then.. can't wait for Friday- payday!

We have to take reality as it comes to us: there is no good jabbering about what it ought to be like or what we should have expected it to be like. But though I cannot see why it should be so, I can tell you why I believe it is so.

- C. S. Lewis

Sometimes I like to listen to Dennis' tummy, as if somehow, something deep and profound might emerge from amidst the busy rumblings.

"C.S. Lewis Song"

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the felsh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then ofcourse I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared

[CHORUS]
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
An avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE]
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming

---------------------------------

Alive

Mercies new, every morning

Holding on to this.

He had, up till now, been satisfied with the security the small box next to the front door provided. But this was no longer true, another piece had fallen out of the puzzle, another shoelace undone in the world's irresponsible daily turnings.

she does not like people. Maybe she has learnt in some small way to love them, but liking them came at a different price, an exorbitant risk to take for something one might not really want. Every Sunday, she struggles to understand the seemingly similar pieces of humanity and fails utterly. I see, I hear, I do not understand. Her own frailty prevents her from trying what she thinks will end in utter and complete disaster and humiliation. Her heart, at risk of growing cold- she is too wicked to succumb.