"Can we have him for dinner, mother?"
"We can have him to dinner, Peter, we're not cannibals."

There is a strong sense of mutuality in the understanding of the imagination. And when you see the work of someone who does, or read about someone who does- the knowledge that there are kindred spirits out there is very comforting.

orientation.

Things are beginning to get strange now that the workload is lessening. I've been so used to being up to my ears that I don't remember what to do with myself anymore. Saying, "I need a break" doesn't make sense because I don't know what I want to do during that break! (travel? travel? sponsorship please? You look so good today... ...)

The only two itinerary items on my 3 week "off" period are:
1. Read up on Bilingualism for next sem's research prep.
2. Compile a list of drugs and related information into a word file for future reference.

Both things kind of sound like they will be a pain, right? Haha. I think so too.

Whinge whinge whinge whinge

I'm tired of Australia. I want to go back to Singapore. I'm really. really. stretched by Australia. It's like spending time in a place where amenities are provided but are somehow just insufficient. And I get to go back once a year to civilization! On top of that.. no civilization for me this year, now that I've chosen Robert Frost's less travelled path.

Nevermind! This is my choice. And I'm going to fight all the way.. Only one more year to graduation. And God has more than promised me victory. =)

Inside Their Minds

He opens the gate that barrs the stairways to ease my entry. I smile at him- his aged handsome face nods and two fingers go to his hat. I walk past him breezily, but I can't help turning to see which direction he goes in. He walked toward the tutorial rooms.

Which is why I was surprised when I walked into the therapy session for observation. I didn't even know he had had a stroke.

I guess when something goes wrong in your brain, the things that were innate in you, ingrained in you don't change. Someone I know used to be really organized. After the stroke, he is STILL really organised. And just maybe, that's the true measure of a gentleman. Is he still one, when he struggles in daily life, when he understands but cannot enunciate, when he tries so hard to say what he means and blurts something else? I've been very fortunate to meet one.

Don't be afraid of the gunshot- it's what sets you free from the block. (Man On Fire, Denzel Washington).

There's Something Pee-shy Going On Here!

Something really didn't smell right that night. We were on our usual patrol rounds, sitting in the car with our feet up and the windows down. All that was missing was a couple of doughnuts. A call came in for Officer Wong, and I was about to doze off when she suddenly made a huge exclaimation. Oh. My. Goodness!

There in the corner of a small junction leading to a parking lot was a middle aged man, peeing in a corner, looking suspiciously around the wall to see if anyone was coming. In disbelief, we stared at him as he discreetly zipped up and left, walking down the deserted main road without any evidence of his heinous crime. Then we cringed as we watched an innocent car turn into the parking area, wheels rolling over you-know-what. I saw no car, and therefore no reason for him to have disposed of his body fluids where he did, but officer wong was convinced that there must have been a car. I guess the idea of a psycho randomly marking his territory held no appeal to either of us.

While DNA evidence has been sent to the lab to be processed, there has been a backlog of specimen testing due to an accident in the lab. Also, the pictures that we (S&S) took were none too clear. So if anyone knows who this... perpetrator is...

DIRECT HIM TO THE NEAREST RESTROOM PLEASE.

Satisfaction.

I was standing in Yee Seng, one of the few places where comfort food is available (unlike Singapore, where everything you eat IS comfort food) when a gentle breeze blew in and I suddenly felt as if I was home. It was a nice kind of feeling- I don't feel at home in my own home at all. It's simply too new and I haven't lived here long enough to love everything about this place.

Strangely, when I looked in the mirror this morning, I sort of balked at the sight, as if I was unused to seeing myself. I got the feeling that what I was looking at was a shell, and if I wanted to look at anything with certainty, the silvered glass certainly would be of little help. For the first time ever, I felt as if it was true- my physicality and my personality were two different things- one didn't make the other and they were not correlated. It was an interesting sort of discovery.

As usual, I'm tired. I woke up and after sending off a couple of things online, I went skating with Lydia. It was a good skate, and my legs are tired. I guess going to the gym yesterday also contributed to that. On the bright side I shaved off a couple of minutes compared to 2 weeks ago. I may be slow and not know much about being on ice, but I'm happy. =) Paced improvement is enjoyable- more enjoyable than forced improvement.

I'm going to look at Rachel's competition entry now. (Woman, why didn't you warn me about the MA+18 BEFORE I read it?) Haha. I don't know when I am going to see you again!!!!

Twin and I did some PI work yesterday. Hehe. That to come soon in a later post.

Aspiration, or Aspiration. One allows you to soar in your mind while the other is a choking near-death experience. The difference is not in the spelling, but in the surrendering of dreams to it's molder.

Things in my life.

Buttons.
A bowl of paper clips.
Jigsaw puzzle pieces full of soap. (thanks sam!)
Piano.
Paper.
Paper.
Paper.
Save the trees- recycle.
I want bubble tea.
Clothes.
Clinic.
TV.
I missed today's NCIS! Argh.
ARGH.
navy colored pens.
Ice skating.
Watching Ice Skating.
Thinking about ice skating.
Dancing.
Singing.
Occasionally talking sense.
Dreaming.
Playing musical chairs.

The EGg were thinking about the surname Lee. But that's after we talked about "edify" (Or, Eddie Fai).
Jen: You know, like, silent-lee
Me: Orh. and joyful-lee and happy-lee. And merciful-lee. and painful-lee. and slow-lee and quick-lee.
Jen: Argh!
All: huh?
Jen: Argh-lee.
Swong: No need what. You can say ugly-lee.
Mel: Where got such thing?
Jen: -_-" Isn't this supposed to be Eddie-Fai ing?

Happy Birthday Sarah Wong my Twin!
We hope you like ducks. :p
And we hope you like A1.
Hehehe.

I just realised how late it was! I've got clinic early, so I'll have to be on the ball. It's another new day tomorrow (today) that's full of clinical fun-ness. Heh heh. I'm excited to be doing clinic these days. And moreover, I've finished that major assignment that was weighing on my mind! YAY!

I'm tired. I baked and ironed and watched anime all at once. The hours of 3.30 to 7 were filled with multitasking domesticity. It leaves a funny taste in your mouth.

Do you realise that certain places smell different? Like nightwear shops always smell sweetly of some kind of candlelight, and rich people's houses always smell new. I don't know. Maybe I'm making assumptions. Haha.

On a separate and sadder note, I wonder why certain things happen. It hurts me more than if it were to happen to me. Because I cannot do anything about it, and I'm not allowed to know, and I'm not old enough or in a position of authority. But to watch her cry.. is hard.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

ureshii ne.

I've only got one more page of my essay to write (not including appendices, but that's still alright). So I've been slowing down, and watching figure skating on youtube!

Funny that Joubert won the 2007 championships.. I haven't seen his video yet but that's for after assignments! hehe. I've been watching takahashi daisuke. Compared to Johnny Weir, his style is much more dynamic, fluid- maybe stronger. But even then, Weir's technique and artistry is unmistakable. Just chuck the names into the youtube searchbox. And enjoy!

I've been watching Shen and Zhao too. All of which makes me wish I had started skating when I was a child! It doesn't matter much though.. the rink is as exhilarating as ever it was for me. It's just that I haven't had the time.

Ahhhhh.. contentedness. It's a little cold tonight, but I'm thinking of the people I miss in Singapore and the food..that makes me feel warm.. and I'm also thinking about unexplored territory- the Italys and Spains and Londons and floating balloons of mirth.

Rob Thomas- Little Wonders.
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain .

$35. Expensive or Cheap?

I was thinking about a couple of things in a very strange way today. The first was about $35. The second was more stupid.

I wonder, really. If you spend $35 with the intention of flirting with a girl you hardly know, is that being cheap, or spendthrift? I can't decide which. Haha. But you know what they say! My love don't cost a thing. Or was that J Lo's love. Yes, it was. She has plenty of love to share.

The other thing was that when I put on my boots today and tucked my jeans into them, I had to do a fair bit of tugging. And I sweat in my three layers of everything. I was laughing in the car to myself later on- A girl in winterwear, tights, jeans, layers of shirts.. perspiring before even leaving the house just from trying to get her boots on. Reminded me of this advertistment I saw on TV. LOL.

Counseling exam went fairly well I think. And the arvo lecture was only moderately good. I was pretty tired by the end of it and I left before the tute. (Which means.. I have to use my brain on a separate occasion to answer the tute questions. uguuuu~)

Had a bit of a chat with Gerry. Sigh. She did bring to mind somethings.. and I continue to mourn her "loss". Mel as well. I've been thinking a lot about Mel recently! Maybe because there's no one to enjoy life with me the way she does. It's her Mel-ness and her cuteness. Ah. If only I was a guy. I would so go for her. She's the purple princess! :p I'm glad she's working now. But I miss her pretty badly. (Maybe because she and Ger are gone and Tash is leaving too.)

But on the flip side, I thank God that I've got other funky friends.. Who are still in Perth.. Who will be in Perth for a while to come.

Heart's Ease, anyone?

The 2 hour long skate was good. I am aching now, but that's because I went out all day yesterday. It feels so good to skate again and try all the old tricks and turn some of them into new ones. I can finally do a mohawk!

Lydia and I had lunch (where she got miao-ed by some dodgy guys but she insisted they were miaoing me) and got BBT, then we headed to the lair of temptation (you can never get away without a purchase) at Harbour Town. I got two dresses and was about to get a third vintage top but was stopped. No fear! I'll make one just like it if I have to. It was so awesome! I looked like something out of a time machine in it! But it was flawed. =( Lydia got a beautiful baby doll dress that I have to remind her to wear. Haha. We met Ger and Tash there and I picked up Twin on the way back (with her new Crumpler!). So we went to City with 2 people in the car and came back with 5!

We got stuck in traffic on the way home, but we were so enamoured by this car with the number plate "not cute" that we were letting pple cut into our lane just so we could try to get a nice picture of it! But we didnt manage in the end because my lane had to move faster. Then we took to laughing out loud at traffic lights to make people in the next car turn. Crazy char bos. And when this nice man let me filter into his lane I smiled so big that he probably thought I was mad. But there aren't many people that are nice enough to let you cut lanes ok. A car full of 5 girls is volatile material. :p

Haha. Gerry's shopping is still in my car! I dropped tash and ger off in Garbo to do MORE shopping and went back to Lydia/Jen's house. It's so convenient that they live in the same house *smiles contentedly*.

And in the evening I made it down to Mel's place and we had a terrible discussion about scary things. Stop scaring yourselves, girls! Owell. If you watch movie trailers before shows in a cinema, be warned.

I'm off to uni now, for my practical counseling exam. So dodge! But i'm going to buy papers first, so I'm off! Ciao bellas!

The Pursuit of Happiness

I was so tired watching it yesterday night with Ger and Jen, and I also had this huge gash on my leg that came from i-don't-know-where, But it was such a good movie. Just the kind of brain input I needed. And also, The Pilgrim's Regress is very brain-juice producing. C.S. Lewis always is.

Going to leave in a tick to pick Lydia up, we're going skating! OOOH. And i haven't packed. OOOH. and I haven't messaged my naughty NAUGHTY twin back. So I will do that later. NAUGHTY! WHY YOU NEVER BUY ME ONE TOO?

ciao senioritas!

Sunshine on a rainy day.

Thank God for friends. =) I can't help but smile! But more than that, for a Father who is most sovereign. Who is most high, who is the great I Am.

To Him who sits on the throne,
And unto the Lamb.
To Him who sits on the throne,
And unto the Lamb.
Be blessing and honor and glory and power forever.

It's like the glass sea in revelations, with the throne across at the other end. It smells like eternity. It feels like hope. And most of all, you know you've won when your victory comes through for you on a bloodied steed.

There is little point in waxing poetic when this world was set in prose. The poetics were a stairway to escapism- there is always a danger of warping reality in the construction of a romanticism in the form of a getaway boat.

Yet, like Rachel says, the Happy doesn't last forever. Indeed, it might be a rather plastic casing of yellow. How then, does one deal with reality? Escapism has it's flaws, stoicism often ends in cynicism. And the bottom of the valley often seems a strange unknown place (as C.S. Lewis could tell you).

Moderation, balance- so blandly ideal. I wanted sparkles and fireworks; I found paper confetti. People turn on heel faster than one can say "ho". There's only one who stays. And he who stays- abide in Him. For if he's stayed this long and come this far He sure must want something with you. Not from you. For you.

And from a distance He isn't sparkle and flare. He's simply Him. How we've mistaken His identity countless times and walked right by Him! And while He may hold no attraction through your human eyes, keep walking, hold your direction steady. For you'll not know His worth until His hand touches yours and suddenly you find that the source of life isn't an unproven scientific theory. What a fortuous moment that is- the door of your gaping black valley closes in that instant and you know you must never let go of the hand that bled for you.

To hang between two thieves in the darkness, Love must believe you are worth it.

The Birth of a Phoenix

A letter came in the mail today. I looked over the nicely crafted envelope and turned it over, ready to slit the top open. The words I found on the back moved me.

p.s. Her name is Marian.
Like Marian from Robin Hood.
Like Marian, she wasn't free to fly but she had a heart that rang true.
So I send her to you.

The handwriting I recognised. Slim, delicate, yet wild with a hint of daring. And the envelope I slit.

Inside I found the words of a friend, a mentor, and also, as expected, Marian. Marian was a red paper crane, glistening metallic, full of fire, and in her heart, a prayer written from a dear friend.

You may replace the gold crane and open her up, she wrote. Marian was the red lady of 2007- a new reminder of an old friend. The gold canary of 2006 was well loved, but one learns never to live on yesterday's manna. I replaced the cranes with care, and both the warmth of feeling and the joy of a dear friend came over me. As I silently thanked God for Su, I opened up to read the words of 2006 she had written for me.

I've certainly moved on to newer things, and new blood was certainly in order to wash out the fadings of things past. Although it is already May, the promise of 2007 has made an appearance to me today. I've found comfort in things everlasting. The humanist and/or fatalist must die to make room for the Realist: Man responding to God's timing.

For me to live is Christ, to die is gain? Then, I have no choice- the middle ground of existing is a painful and unnecessary one. My prayer this year is one for fire. Dear Lord, that you may increase and I decrease. That even though we cannot yet fly, our hearts are true and free to serve you where you will. Watch this birth by fire- out of the coals will step our golden-red phoenix.

To Su: all my love and more of His.

White Washed. for things to come.

GRAPES

It all started with a grape. One. Single. Grape.

The Initial Perpetrator.

Bedtime Story

Once there was a very cute little girl. She professed to look cuter than Mr. Cute Sheep.

Mr. Sheep Wasn't Too Happy About This. Assasination Attempt One. There can only be one fairest of them all.

"Ok Mr. Sheep, I admit you're cuter than I am. Spare me!"

shake hands and make up (no kissing ok, this is a family show).

When the world seems so isolated.

Grapes Grapes Grapes.

Tell me where you want me to go.

Lead me, I'll follow.

I'm listening to Christina's Stripped. The last thing I remember from last night is Rachel and her essay, and my Dad coming over to hug me. Then it was as if I drifted from reality into some kind of sleep without really knowing it. I feel like I'm worn and torn from living too long and getting corroded by air. Green Goblin air. I can't believe I named my Vacuum cleaners. Zak is right, you should only name things that mean something to you. Like Kirby. LOL. I feel like writing. Rachel, is the competition open to overseaers?

I slept from 9 pm to 4 pm two days ago. No typo there. While my body clock has been thoroughly reset, I feel rather unnerved. I don't know if something's wrong with me. Maybe I have a sleep bug that ran through my system. Maybe I accidentally sat on my 'reset' button. Maybe I'm a flickering light bulb, I just don't know it yet.

And for no good reason at all, I am thinking of what GB rachel said and I can't help laughing. Not that what she said was GB in any way, but.. I think it's funny how you scare yourself sometimes. :p. I still love you for it! String! I feel so bad that 2/3 of the Manzai San is abandoning SG. Stay loyal to the shopping and food, I'll be back for you~! (Then we'll go to switzerland together).

The City in Modern Lamplight.

Shi Hua Shi Shuo

Whenever I think or write, part of me is reserved- kept away toward the back of the conscious mind. I've kept questions that I've never been able to answer, questions which answers just get more complicated. Questions like: Do you want to go back to Singapore? Will life ever be normal again? Will you ever feel like you're back in a familiar place?

After 3 years of running around and feeling happy/unhappy in a place I am forced to call home all I can say is that I am thoroughly confused. I know that I miss Rachel and Lydia and Avvy badly. But where do I want to be? What can I do to make this uneasiness go away? It's an uneasiness of unfamiliarity.

If you can't beat em, join em, right? So I bought my flat shoes and black tights and turned Aussie for a while. I got fat and thin in turns. I was extroverted and withdrawn in my different seasons. But nothing's changed. I have adapted to life here, but I am neither happy not sad and I am most certainly unsatisfied. Bouts of satisfaction, yes, but shouldn't life have bouts of dissatisfaction instead? Before my world expanded in 2004, Singapore was all I knew and all I wanted. I've lost my tongue, I feel like life is slowly dripping out of me.

Dear God, help me. I don't want to write treatment plans for communication clients for the rest of my life. You know what I want- I want the art I never dared to study, I want the horizons I'm too tired to reach. For now, I'm just going to drift off into a glorious dream and I ask that you pilot my ship because I am absolutely exhausted.

Take me to my secret hiding place. Jer 29:13.. If I seek with all my heart I will find you, you will be found, my God and my King.

Oh God, Break me, Take me, Take all I am- weak, human, imperfect, a wretch. I have no will to live of my own accord: If you will show me what you want me to be then that is all I can hope to be or want to be.

Some things will remain always a mystery. Voices, tears, sleep.

Lover of my soul, there can only be one for all eternity.

The Tapestry of Time

Forgive me for shooting myself in the foot by saying this, but i'm actually glad I had a weird supervisor for my first placement now. I've just been writing up my management plan and I have no idea what Tanith would say, but just thinking about the strict guidelines from last clinic, I know exactly where my writing might go. So yes, I am grateful for my military boot camp training after all. =)

Listening to the radio yesterday (I remember because I had to drive in the rain to clinic into the city along with the beautiful phenomenon known as 'peak hour traffic'. It's like being swept along in slow motion involuntarily by a mob of people.) I found out Xtina's coming to Perth on July 14! Then suddenly I really missed Rachel. =( Just as I was trying to write her a message, a black mazda decided to bully my tiny blue bus (it's an echo not a bus lah. Alliteration counts ok!) and wooshed past me. I wasn't too happy, but that's no excuse for not sending that msg! The real reason was that my reception got cut. That's still not a very good excuse either is it? *hangs head* I'll make it up to you if you come to Perth to watch Xtina! And thus stands my bribe.

How about begging? wang mu niang niang, qiu qiu ni, guo lai kan xi! Ni yao ren kai men jian shan gei ni kan ye ke yi, she me dou ke yi. Aiyaaaah, qing ni bu yao liu bi xue!

Sian. Back to Tx plan planning. Grrrr. Workworkwork. I want to be... a lamp lighter! Less work. Anyway, I'm going for MAHJONG and bbt at S.Wong's place (swong, swan's song, s.wong.. whats the diff?). We're cooking dinner and maybe watching a movie. I'm meant to exercise again, although I am seriously aching from yesterday's over-heroic attempt at it. Owwwww.