3 more papers!!!

30th May, 2004.

Ehh. Applicable math on Tuesday, 8.50 am, Human Biology on Thursday, 8.50 am, Japanese on Friday, 8.50 am. Listening test from 12 noon, and speaking test on 2.50 on Friday for jap.

I really should learn to take it easy. After all, this is Perth. Know for slowness and sloth, dwardling and lazing. WHAT am I doing studying so hard???

Ha. When my exams finish, I’ll get my MSN up and working, then can send Rachie some pics of meeee. I have one of me in school uniform and boots, the heel showing clearly. Nice. Too ACBC. But never mind. I’ll send it anyway.

And why do I have to get my msn up and working? Cos I got a nice virus thingy, and my Dad had to reinstall EVERYTHING in the laptop. Haha. All the files were corrupted. So fun horr.

It’s getting colder and I’ve found another use for lil’ Melvin. Hot pack. I sit him in front of the heater and when he’s warm I hug him. Hehe. I wonder if that’s what Melvin meant by useful… or is that abuse??

I haven’t time to figure out the html stuffs. That’s why the posts look so drab. Everything’s like, after exams after exams. I’ve denied myself calling home too. Cos Rachel has examz and so do I. Lydia probably is not having fun during work. Harh. Never mind, she’s the one who gets to see N***** the most often. So it’s fair, right. He’s probably forgotten who I am by now. Or he might be reading this by accident. 0_o” oooh.

I got your very nice icq msg Phishie. Very impressive. Nice. Made me happy. Very happy. But you always make me happy anyway. Hehe! And Lydia… blur queen… didn’t even know my number until that day I msged you. Haiyaa… pinky pinky buki!

Shuling… must be so happy to have the horrid papers over?? How’s Mrs. Chua… and does Mr. Chua still pick his nose when conducting??? (I seem to remember him doing that.) (clarinets and flutes so chao ji dao mei… sit in front of the conductors all the time.) Dun stress over the exam year, ok? Was the best year of my life… dun waste it stressing. Muz go and play some… Hope the band is doing fine. I think the underlying AP has been around for centuries so dun let it get to you…

How is my poor cousin suffering?? Don’t let them scare you… I know you’re very brave and tuff. Study hard… but not too hard… and make sure you remember me ok…

Oh. Didn’t mention this. Dad passed down his old PDA to me. Fun planning everything. I have 1 poem by Robert frost, a map of my SG home (in case I get lost when I come home??), 1 list of patches from the re-installation of my laptop, 1 list of things to get and do when I go back to SG and drive Rachel mad living in her house. 5 to-dos for the coming exams, a list of what time the exams are, and a lot of songs. Hee~

To elaborate on the super lame post me and Rach made… Here’s a story. Sure to die after okami reads, but never mind. The benefits of being overseas. Ahhh…

Long ago, in the faraway land of Sara lived a queen of phishes, and she ruled (15 cm) with an algae scepter. She sat in her throne watching AXN all day (she was too small to sit on it), and more often than not, practiced her tkd in case her kingdom was attacked. Many a time, people came to make sashimi sushi out of her subjects, and she tried to save them. They actually wanted to make ba kwa, but she protected her pig so well they couldn’t get it. Her pig was very much indulged, and owned a large bear. If she wasn’t with the bear, she thought about the bear, called the bear and always yearned for it. The Phish queen had a sacred cheesecake which had grown in size in the past 5 months. “It’s time for you to diet,” said she. The cheesecake just sighed and turned over. So the loyal phish queen ordered the Cambridge diet for her cheesecake. *hint hint* àfedex please. One fine day, a comely prince stopped by the kingdom and was captured by the queen’s beauty. So he proposed to her and they married, with a skinnier cheesecake and pretty pink pig as her bridesmaid. And they lived happy ever after. (Actually, the prince bribed the cheesecake with PMK and the pig with jelly beans cos they didn’t wanna dress up as fish to be bridesmaids)

WahHhhh. SUPER lame, no?? Sorry, just feeling rubbishy during exams. Hope it cracks you up. If you’re in the mood for a good comeback, girls, let’s have it.

Oh, say. I forgot to mention the last lesson of English I had before the exams. It was both horrible and funny. Andre stuffed his scarf into his shirt and pretended he had boobs. Ms. Lockwood pretended she didn’t notice. The whole class was cracking up and Ms. Lockwood ended up scolding some of us who were laughing instead of Andre. I don’t blame her. How do you confront a guy with a scarf in his shirt?? Then we argued in class about 66 and 99, or as we say, inverted commas. When to use “” and when to use ‘’. When do we use 69, miss? And she didn’t know. She told us to use all 66 and 99. So I trust that and anyways, me English paper is over.

Went to piney lake today with my parents. I took a picture of that tree that I climbed and got stuck in. Haha. I’ll send it to y’all over msn and u can laugh at me. The lowest branch is super thick and super low… I shouldn’t have had problem. Me and Crystal just sat on the branch and we were like, is the branch going to drop? How are we getting down? In the end we did… and I got quite a few scratches. She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee her dress has got a tear… (from the sound of music.)

ArrRrh. Better study liaoz. Haven’t heard from j** in ages. Hmm… never mind. He better not find this site or I’ll have to ostrich myself…

Adieu! *muacks*

This song’s been coming back to me… And I see Lydia dancing on new year’s eve… made me so proud… thanks for being so wonderful.

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

{can I a-bleh speak to Mitsuka please? Can you a-bleh hold on for a while?}

きゅう、私は本を買います。Global ime はすごいです!　父は一番です！どうもありがとう！

Haha.. Just testing. Dunno whether the jap will come out or not. If you see funny squiggles on top of the entry... whoops.

Going to buy books today. I need assessments for biology, and chemistry, (which is already over.)

The english paper was all disasterous but I pray that they will moderate... haha. But anyway, whatever I get is what God wants for me. So I'm ok with that now that I've tried my best. 3 papers left. japanese, biology and applicable math. Mus jia you!!!!

Rachel... hope u are well. Dun stress okok?? When do your eggzamz finish?? I'll call you. hee~ ^_^"

Lydiaaaaaa..... hahaha. Call u soon oso lar. When MY eggzamz finish. Horrigible veggitable examz.

ok, muz rush. Mother calls unto laundry duty. Better go!!! Take care all!!!

Yes, sotong too.

In this place, things have a weird way of going arouind and stabbing you in right back in the back, even when you've politely told them to go away and not come back. They return on a different arrow, in a different knife, and as soon as you turn around, it gets you again. Really, it's quite annoying to have to remove the weapon sticking into you and tell it to go away. If you were smart, you'd stay away yourself. Still, it's not that easy to get out of range, or so I found. After a while, you begin to wonder if fierce confrontation, or as Luke Shywalker would say, "Aggressive negotiation," is in order. Unfortunately, that has cons as well, and I'd usually retire with just an evil look or feigned indifference; they would never have the satisfaction of seeing me wince.
And on those dreary afternoons when everything just needs to go wrong, and fixing one thing would just about take the whole day, I'd stand on my head and blink, so that the worl would look right for a while at least. Turn it upside down so I can see!

Exams are tomorrow, lasting till the 4th of June. Not a bad thing, really. They help the days to pass faster. Dire predictions have been made for the weather- 3 degrees tomorrow. I don't know what I'm going to do sitting in the exam hall, freezing cold. Was Switzerland all that fun in the cold Rach? Even with the jolly nice British instructor?

I have to memorise some quotes now- it's getting late but the house smells of coffee, and I've actually had some, more's the pity. Dreadful stuff, caffeine, but it tastes great.

I think my sudden fatigue has something to do with the 40 minute jog I had today. Congratulate me girls, I'm fit but Fat. So sadd....

I hope the spas aren't un-relaxing you, rachel. I have to say, it's easier to write fast in the heat than in the cold. Be glad when you sweat. ha.

Looks like wherever we go we meet rachels, don't we? I have one here, and Lydia has one in her office, and Rachel has one to herself all the time. I think it's a basic necessity of life?!?! Own a Rachel. Or Phish. Should really do something about the corporate blog thingy. I will, soon...

Well well, going off to read my English things. I think math is less taxing. It depends. I don't think Rachel wants to comment on that.

Good nitez all! (and sotong still chao tar. Kogetakoyaki)

p.s. had my jap speaking test and earned myself a very nice C+. At least it's a pass.

|You are forever in my life|
|You see me through the seasons|
|Cover me with your hand|
|And lead me in your righteousness|
|And I look to you|
|And I wait on you|
|I’ll sing to you Lord, A hymn of love|
|For your faithfulness to me|
|I’m carried in everlasting arms|
|You’ll never let me go|
|Through it all|
|Hallelujah|

Haven’t blogged for ages. Think I used up all my writer’s juice. However, still being grammatically capable and very literate indeed I think I’ll pen (or type) something that will hopefully be readable.

I’ve been so dead creatively. I think creativity is produced in a special organ we have, that periodically malfunctions and the juice we need runs dry for a while. Then it comes spurting back to life and creativity overflows at the worst possible times, i.e. during stress periods. This year not being a particularly academically challenging one, I don’t think I’ll be doing any writing pieces just yet.

I watched Pirates of the Carribean. Again. That’s the third time this year. Last year, I watched it twice. And Johnny Depp certainly hasn’t lost his charm.

Been a little snappy all week. I think it has a really terrible effect (durhz) on most things and people around me, even stationery. (orange pen is scratchy.) And the worst thing is that I’m, well, not thinking about the things that bug people a lot. Like life’s lessons and what’s to be learnt and how do you really feel etc etc. I just carry on like normal, not really thinking about how I feel or what I should do about it and all that sort of thing. I think it’s good, and I have my down days but it’s been so much better since I made my decision and not initiated conversation where I should not have.

However, the memories have gotten worse, and the longing to go home has gotten even worse. Some days I reach the house and I say, I want to go home! Is that such a horrid thing to ask? The superficiality of life here is astounding, but also very painfully pretentious. Somebody told me today that I wasn’t looking very good. How was I doing by the way? And I said I was fine and he said, “No you’re not.” And the funny thing is that I am fine. And I know I’m fine. But I do want to go home and if people would just do things the Singapore way, that would be nice, thank you very much. That really is to much to ask. But then, I am quite unreasonable. The funny thing is that when you feel like you’re losing it, you’re not. You’re still sane, still every bit as capable as before and still able to fight back and move on. And I will. Nothing is going to stop me from getting what I want- an unreasonably high score in the exams and a full month back home. And I won’t survive this year. This time, I’m coming out ON TOP.

Daddie is coming tomorrow! And I’m hoping that he will really enjoy himself here. I don’t really wish to say anything more about how I feel about this place because it’s a little too blatant and it’s getting overly blunt.

Ok, I think I’m just spouting rubbish again. When I feel like there’s something nicer to say I’ll say it then. If not, I’ll just shut up now.

Ah. An attribution to pms could be made here. Perhaps I am not solely responsible for today’s crankiness. Give credit where it’s due.

Dear friends, if love were all that mattered, I’d come straight home in a second. All the same, I love you anyway. No less, maybe more.

Daddy will be here soon…

It never rains but pours.

p.s. nearly posted my hw as my blog entry. That would be interesting, huh?

+Turn it upside down, cos I'm standing on my head+

haiyaaa

Gonna pon school. So fun eggzamz coming soon mah. So I thot I shd be a good gurl and stay homme and studdie. Why is my spelling so good these days. Maybe because I have become more intellectual in the past 24 hours after 3 movies in a row. Whee.

1. The cat returns. (yay, go jap movies!!!)
2. Pirates of the carribean. (Johnnie Depp Rules. In your face, orlando!)
3. Under a tuscan sun (hai... lovely romantic thing.)

sighz. well. feeling woozy. better go noww...

kekeke. Feeling guilty about getting fat. Lazy too. nvm it's winter. (I'll take any excuse I can get.)

hiaz hiaz. In the Toshokan. dorhtz. Legally here. Jap class. Doing nothing. Today just feeling sho sho crappy. gakko ga suki janai desune. sighz. Ah well. Nothing to say... just... Tired. Of all the thingies. See, I don't even know what they are. I think it's school, people and thingies like that. Also dunno what rubbish I'm writing now. Sorry. Better siam before I spout more crazy stuff. hai! Daichobu!

Sayanara.

p.s. Naho-san is very nice. She's an assistant to Ms. Osborn, born in nagoya. She rocks.

hiaz hiaz. Freezing COLDDD!!!!!
And I have a stupid English test next period and I haven't finished my chem booklet and I haven't done the notes for my calculus test. Bad Misune. And my hands are freezing cold. It sucks! I'm 4 chapters behind in biology but I don't really care.

Haiz. Photo taking today. I'm going to look like some weird thing. Wind blown and freezing cold. Blue nosed and eyes shut. man. hah. Wait until the digicam comes down. I'll take some decent photos then.

The guys are talking about fish heads fish head roly poly fish head. And about dead something. Never mind. The morbid things.

Well, better go warm my hands.

Jaa mata!

Hmph. It late. I was up doing English homework. She asks too much. My hand hurts from writing. I had a bio period where I wrote continuously for 1 hour for the test. Then I had an English period where I wrote for another hour. Then I had another English period for a mock compre test. Another hour of writing. And guess why I neglected studying biology again? To do my English. Now I have bio, chemistry and English to worry about, not to mention the 2 different math tests on Thursday and Friday. Really, calculus is not such a good idea.

Have you heard of dim sim? I found out what they are today. It all started when Grant said that he had soy sauce on him from eating dim sim. Not dim sim, I said, dim SUM. It turned out that I was the ignorant one. Don’t you know, said he? Dim sim is the Aussie rip-off of dim sum. It’s a chunk of brownish greenish stuff that has a bit of cabbage in it and it doesn’t taste very good. It’s aussie. It’s like a dumpling thingy. I couldn’t stop laughing, because it’s so funny that they ripped off dim sum. I really had no idea at all what they were until Grant clarified that they were different. KC still doesn’t really believe him, I think. Grant’s going to bring some dim sim tomorrow just to prove it. And ms. Hardingham isn’t into unagi either. Hah.

I came in late for biology tutorial today, because we were consulting with the English teacher. So I said, “What are we doing today?”
Studying.
Studying what?
You know… Human Biology.
What for, said I.
For that little thing called exams.
What are exams?
Big tests.
What are tests?
I can’t explain that without using the word ‘tests’ so I won’t.

And that was the end of the discussion. So lame.

Hiaz hiaz. Why does rachie have so many free gaps in her timetable?? Not fair. What do you do in those gaps?? Heh heh. Hope you won’t have to use your TKD on anyone anytime soon. Lets face it. I could use some of it here. Don’t jump to a conclusion straight away. But I think the e mail I sent should give a pretty big hint. Like, staring you in the face. Hah. Say, I miss your singing. Wish you were here for my dose of it. I want to hear it again… I like it! I really do. Also, because of my stupid English homework, I’ve been forced to think about propaganda… all that comes to mind really, is Animal farm and social studies. Hahas. Sighz. Miss you. Never really appreciated the fact that we were in the same class doing the same things together. Side by side for a lot of the year. Most weekends we weren’t separated either. We’d phone if we were. I think it was like, we had contact everyday?? And here I am. Pining. Because I’m stuck on you and I’m addicted to you. What to say? I’m speechless.

Finally talked to LC on Sunday. The discussion revolved around what to eat in LTs to keep awake, how much hello panda to eat… whether it should be rationed… A bit lame as usual. But it was nice. I miss being lame like that. Hah. He’s grown taller… 179 I think. I think I haven’t grown much. Wish I could see him. Must still look the same, though. I think he’s stuffed up with PW to do. Well, Gambatte!!

Why WhY wHy whY WHY??? Everytime I call Lydia, one of her sisters (hiaz. Annoying -_-‘’) picks up and SHE’S NOT IN! Why is she always not in? Why why why? I haven’t heard from her in AGES! This is just so terrible. I should try again soon. Sobz sobz. WHYYYYY!!! I still see her in my head. I still remember stuff we used to do… I wonder what life is like… I know her work sucks lar… But still… I miss you Lydia…

I didn’t cry today. Achievement. Harh. Ever since I’ve come here the tear ducts have been much more active than usual. But I must say, if they weren’t, I wouldn’t be human. Thought about daddy. 11 days to his coming. Didn’t talk to him today. Sadsad. I hope he’s not lonely. (what am I saying? He is!) Daddie… juz jia you… Only a little more than a week. Enjoy what you can there when you can, ok? Don’t just look forward to coming so much that you don’t relish what you might lose back there… I’m talking pollution, Briyani, loud traffic noises, roti prata and noisy hawker centers. They’re all good. Hee~

I’m trying to look for an article called “shaping up”. It’s a good piece of work published in 1994, and I like the style of writing. The only reason I’m reluctant to do a web search is that some slimming programme advert is sure to pop up. Never mind. I’ll be persistent. It’s worth a shot, and maybe I’ll have some incentive to diet?!?!

ArGh. Calculus exam pushed up to the week before. Not good. But I’ll get it over with at least.

Today I realized that Lil’ Melvin was losing body mass. Theory one: He’s losing stuff out of the back of his head. (which is now mended.) Theory two: mommy accidentally stepped on him. (and the stuffing shrank?) I don’t know. All I know is that I love him just the same as ever.

Hiaz. Better sleep liaoz. Well… I’ll leave you with one of Okami’s fave quotes.

Some animals were born more equal than others.

heh. Just saw Granpapaw's msn nick. Feigned indifference. that's SO Jonathan!! That's SO diva. That's so 'play hard to get.' That SO TOTALLY RAWKS. It oozes in every way JONATHANESS. Chee kitness. Hah. Used to tease me about chee-se didn't ya. I remember that. That was the IRC's fault, not mine. Thanks for the timetable rachel. I reciprocated your baka request. hee~ know you prob didn't wan it.. but.. niwaes... *big smile*

ShOuT It OuT: He DrIvEs My RiDe!

Haii… just came back from my jog. Today’s was really really good. Half an hour isn’t turning out to be much of a strain anymore. Maybe I should increase?? Heh. Shouldn’t run the risk of turning into Patsy and running 10 click at a go, hey?

NiWaEs… I had a pretty productive day… I think. Hmm. I did about half my homework and I jogged and I WATCHED RANMA. Yes, that definitely counts for productivity. I want to thank Okami-san for the kind technical support in recording the vids for me… I like my bishonen!!! Thank you!

Hai. Japanese is getting tougher and I really think I should consider dropping by the end of term?? That’s in 9 weeks now… And I think it’s a crying shame, because I like it so much. I won’ t drop it just yet, anyway. Just a random passing thought. Nothing serious.

I wended to school today for the chemistry seminar, taught by none other than P. Beveridge. I ponned halfway because I couldn’t stand the dreadful way he was going… “You look intelligent. Give me a number.” And “You there, you’re smart, tell me why.” And I really wanted to sleep because it was all the basic fundamentals of what had been taught in recent times. Poor Shah and Grant sat in front and they kena the most shots from dear old P. Beveridge. They don’t really mind him much, I think. But I must give him credit. He’s a decent teacher, if not desperately annoying. At least his fly isn’t down all the time, ne, MiTsUkA-san???

Just wanna tell everybody… 2 weeks more!! And my daddiekins will be down! Yeah! *confetti flies* Be happie pple!! I think it’s about 199 days till I go back to Singapore. I’ve lost count. When you’re counting down from a 3 digit number, it’s not that easy to remember it as the days click by. I like to let it click, then count again at a later date. Time seems to pass faster that way… heh. The only problem is that I’m too lazy to count the days once I let it slide. Sighz. The trauma of being a slacker.

Carolyn came in with a tee for lectures that said, “Slackers Inc.” I want to join! Oh, and I finally started to unpack. I found JC, though. Still as tagged and noted as ever, doggie eared and all. (Only PhIsH and LyD would know.)
Brutus, thou sleep’st; awake and see thyself.
Shall Rome and &c. Speak, strike, redress.

Or shall I say Aku Soku Zan? Hah. They would have fared better if not for too much ‘honor’ (or rather, pride) blocking their view. Killing Antony would have made things so much easier. Why am I still analyzing this? It’s may already! 4 months to forget my Cassius… But I haven’t.

And whether we shall meet again I know not.
Therefore our everlasting farewell take.
For ever, and for ever, farewell, Cassius.
If we do meet again, why, we shall smile;
If not ‘tis true this parting was well made.

And do remember the pessimistic ‘yes’ to a decent dinner invitation. “Ay, if I be alive, and your mind hold, and your dinner worth the eating.” Casca’s a grouch, but I love him anyway, just like I love Oscar.

These days have been pretty Blah, because exams are coming around. It starts on the 26th of May, 4 days after pops is down. Haiz. I hope I’m prepared. My calculus sucks. I think I may pass this last test but I can’t be sure. That’s how much I’ve deteriorated without a good teacher. Halp.

Oh! I forgot to explain my title right? Heh. WhOoPs. That’s cus Jesus is the one in control of my life. Mom used to tell me not to let fear or anything else drive my ride, and not to drive it myself, see? (with my bad sense of direction… chotto…) So I have to let God drive my ride! Which reminds me of something. Today we talked about stepping into the Jordan’s water while having faith. And that it would have taken just about an hour for the water to recede from where it was, 16 miles upstream where the water stopped. That means the Israelites must have had to step waist deep into water before seeing anything happen. That takes faith. So I learned that even though nothing great might be happening around me, it might take a while. And I’m comforted to know that God drives my ride.

Harh. Got something funny to tell u Rachel and Lydia. Only problem: You need to see me and hear me at the same time for it to be funny. Haiz. NVM. Bug me when I get back to SG. It’s really really funny.

I’ve been trying to get Andrew to teach me weird stuff in Japanese. But I can’t remember what he’s taught me. His GF is Jap, so he knows quite a bit. But I remember this: kuru kuru Pa! Take a shot. Tell me what you all think it means.

Hahas. I’ve got a new name. It’s really lame. Girls, mom calls me ‘Elementary’ now. I’m sure daddie knows the story. When mom unpacks, she can’t find anything. So she asks me. So I find it. Always. (well, except today when I couldn’t find the motar.) And so it’s ‘Elementary, my dear Watson.” My mom is Watson. Cos I told her I wasn’t Watson, I was elementary. So lame. Very very Lame. I’m Elie for short now. “Go take a bath Elie. Put away your clothes Elie.” Heh heh. When pops comes down he can be Holmes. This is lame. But it’s ok, cos it’s ME!

Rachel Chan commented about me the way LC used to (stupid v word), but in a feminine and polite way. I wonder… why do people notice? Is it something people usually notice? Because I don’t really notice it much about other people, do I? Maybe I do. I mean, when we go shopping in Singapore there’s the occasional “WhOa NeLlY”. Then we’re like, yeah, whatever. So she has it. So what. I’m happy the way I am. Heh.

Keke. I like my new speed CD that came all the way from good ol’ pops in SG. I know I know… Stereotyped jap gals, you say. I know. But I like them. And I think their English pronunciation needs work but they ARE a nice group. I prefer whoever sang ‘can you keep a secret’, though.

Well. Must go bathe now. As Rachel would say, “I stink.” And so I’ll leave you with the words of Phillipa Gordon from Anne of the Island.

I really must fly now! Bi bi, my two old fashioned darlings!

Wait… that’s not right. No offence girls!! *tee hee*

*giGgLeS* *GrInNzz* *I LoVe Me!!!* *I LoVe YoU GiRlS!* *AnD DaDdIe ToO* *oh. SoToNg is ok lar* *MeLvIn Too*

WhEEeEeeeEee!!! Think I had a tad too much tea this morning. Ta ta, darlings!

hey hey... blogging during jap. my last period of the day. kewl or what man. I'm like so so tired. Actually, more like tired like crazy of the stuff that's been going on. I wish that people would just settle down in their own way. I'm really sick and tired of all the crap and I hate playing games. Just hate it. HaTe It hAtE iT HaTe iT.

Doing research now. But can't find much. Actually, I jus realised that I have calculus vext, but that's ok, since Mrs. Clough seems in a good mood today.

hah. Tried to research jap festivals with food and I ended up in a livejournal account from a lady in Japan talking about the hina-Matsuri. Cool, but still, no. I need to find out about the food element in things.

Bah. I still am complaining aren't I? But I must say, things are definately better. Especially since I'm like... distanced from the group and everything. I quite like walking aroung by myself and hanging out with my friends separately. I think things are going to be ok esp since when I saw him today he didn't scowl or anything. I tried to smile, and we were cordial. That's a good sign, but I think I must be careful not to let things get complicated. I can see rachel scowling away. Yes, I will remember what he's done and who he is, but I'm not angry with him cos I knwo why he's done it. As long as he doesn't try anything, I'm very fine with him.

Got the sugababes stuck in my head. Avril, you will be happie to know that it's hole in the head. I do like it.. shd get the words. Haiza. Wait. I'll see if I can.

SUGABABES - Hole In The Head

Seven hours since you went away
Eleven coffees, Rickki Lake on play
But late at night when I'm feeling blue
I'd sell my ass before I think of you

Seven hours since you closed the door
Started a diet, got a manicure
Erased your number from my telephone
And if you call me I won't be at home

[He said:]
Bridge
Why don't you cry
For the day
Say goodbye
Runaway
Why don't you cry
For the day
Say goodbye
I said ok, 'cos...

[Chorus]
Ooh, won't you miss me like a hole in the head
Because I do boy,
And it's cool boy
And ooh, bet you never thought I'd get out of bed
Because of you boy,
Such a fool boy

Eleven hours on a brand new day
I'm getting ready to go out and play
It's late at night, I'm caught in a groove
I'd kiss my ass before I'm feeling blue

Seven hours, what you calling for?
A bunch of flowers and I slam the door
You're in my face, sorry what's your name?
Takes more than begging to reverse my brain
'cos...

[Chorus]
Ooh, won't you miss me like a hole in the head
Because I do boy,
And it's cool boy
And ooh, bet you never thought I'd get out of bed
Because of you boy,
Such a fool boy

I'm through with it
Over it
Not having it
Crazy sh*t
Not feeling this
Can't deal, I quit
No more, No more
I'm through with it
Not having it
This crazy sh*t
Not feeling it
Can't deal with it
No more, I quit
No more, no more

Breaking off the ...
A brand new day has just begun
Just because you made me go "ooh"
Doesn't mean I'll put up with you
Don't you dare come back
Can't u see I wont take that?
I ain't crying over you
Better fill your head up like I told you

[Bridge]
Why don't you cry
For the day
Say goodbye
Runaway
Why don't you cry
For the day
Say goodbye
I said ok, 'cos...

[Chorus]
Ooh, won't you miss me like a hole in the head
Because I do boy,
And it's cool boy
And ooh, bet you never thought I'd get out of bed
Because of you boy,
Such a fool boy (such a fool)

[Chorus]
Ooh, won't you miss me like a hole in the head
Because I do boy (I do)
And it's cool boy (yeah it's cool)
And ooh, bet you never thought I'd get out of bed
Because of you boy, (I do boy)
Such a fool boy (such a fool)

yeah babes. That's gal power for you.

haha. I'll settle for the Osechi for Japanese new year. Ooh. Suddenly feeling woozy. Now what.

Bill is sitting next to me reading stuff off the com that makes no sense to me. He's Korean you see. And his jap is SUPER SUPER good. haiza. I asked him abt the korean alphabet and he explained it and my head spun. No more for me. But I do like the way it sounds. He doesn't seem to realise that I'm writing this. Amusing.

Hai hai. I tossed and turned like crazy yesterday night and everything fell off my bed except the pillow and Lil' melvin. I woke up and I was still hugging him... I think I'm attached to him now. Melvin, all you fault. No, Rachel's fault, cos she's short.

Lydia... I call u soon okok???

Daddy! 15 days! Gambatte yo! (I missed you so much I cried today.)

RaInInG LiKe CrAzY... TakE Me AwAy In ThE FlOoD...

heh. Recess. Crapping in the library with Kannie. She's a darling.. printed exam timetable for mee.... kk lar. Where melvin. I told him to tag. sucker. But we love you anyway.

Bah. Blogs, though good for ranting and raving, are nontheless terrific growth spots for self pity. I shan't give in this time. BAH. Like so what if life sucks? You have to hold on, STAND up and move on no matter what! No one else is going to get hurt if you don't pick up, just you. So you might as well pick up and GO! Just look at Lydia. She moves on! Rachel has a life too lorz. I may not have one exactly, but I can probably rent one for a while.

Piano's up and running, and nothing's made me happier than God. Also, I found my scores, set up the hi-fi (blasting jap songs all day...) and although school was quite crap (because of obvious reasons) I am quite happy at home these days. I am trying to get the TV up but I'm obviously doing something wrong. I found my Ranma Tapes, but since I'm here typing I obviously can't.

SiGhZ!!!!! I want my global IME!!!!!! Then I can type in jap. Then I can think I can read and word process in jap. way cool. The only problem is how to DL it. It's been konking up on me, the stupid thing. I wan tit today larr.... Ms. Osborn told me how to get it and it seems to be getting there... but supa slowly lorr. WhAt RuBbIsH.

Tonight is the River cruise, and aft this no one will bug me anymore as to why I'm not going. Was tempted to tell peeps the real reason when they asked.. but I didn't. It seems too mean, ne? Ranma chan.. coming back soon as fast as I can set up the TV. Haiz. Tomorrow long day= less TV more HW. Stupid equation.

WhY Is ThE Com So Slow??? It's driving me NUTS!!!

Melvin.. since I told u to come here... I better write something for you right... Lil' melvin is doing just fine... and he's what I hug in the mornings when I dun wanna wake up or do anything or go to school. Like when I think about all the stuff that's happened, lil' melvin is always there... and he doesn't comdemn me... not like people around me... and I'm thankful. I have to say that after like... 5 months?!?! I can judge the best present given to me by anyone was lil melvin... and he's so soft and confiding... SiGhZ. Thanks melvin. You're the best man. I really shd have given your singing more credit in SG... I'll come back for your concert okok???

Hey gals... Thanks for updating very dusty blog Lydia. Good to read and good to hear. Rachel... can I ask something of you?? I know this sounds totemo baka but can you please please send me your vjc timetable onegaishimasu????!?!?! PlEaSe!!!! It'll mean a lot to me... And it means a lot to me that me letter is in your file. Yours is brought to school sometimes when I feel like the world is not my fren. I can't bring lil melvin, see???

Well, mus go liaoz. sorry for the premature departure (in more than one sense.) and I hope mel will keep checking back cos I will write to u frm here ok? Easier.. TAG ON MY TAGBOARD MEL!!!!!!

|There was a time I was lost I was blind
I was searching for something I could not find.
Nowhere to go there I was all alone,
there was no one to carry me.
That’s when he came and he called out my name
Just a touch of his hand took away my shame.| |Rachael Lampa- Savior song|

Heh heh. So schleepy. Just that after all hell erupted on Thursday and Friday, I think I’m in heaven now. Church was the bestest. All that rubbish happening to me has caused me to make a decision for the better, and I’m closer to God than ever. I realized that He really really really loved me more than I could ever imagine, and I was foolish to think that even for a moment He was a passive God. MmMmm… delicious feeling… that I’m really truly treasured by God, who is the biggest and most fantabulous being in the world. He’s big and I’m small but He wants me anyway. He really wants me. He wants to know me for who I am, He treasures my personality in a place where I find people willing to help but not willing to become friends. I have an indescribably peace, and the joy’s just overflowing. I wish everyone out there was as fortunate as I am now. I wish I could pass you some of the sweetness that’s just overflowing my life.

Now, that doesn’t mean the situation’s changed. It’s just that I have changed. And the situation WILL change. SiGhz… I feel like I’m in a really nice place. I’m pretty high right now, and it’s not sugar, caffine or anything. It’s God.

Just contented… I didn’t even do much work, and I have to catch up on the studying I didn’t do today… haiz, but it’s worth it. I had a great day in church.

Hahas. You know, peeps think I’m smart cos I take calculus, but actually that’s a serious myth. I mean, I study well and everything, but I can be such a goose sometimes. Like today, I made such a funny mistake you would have thought I was MiTsUkA. (sorry babe. It was SO you.) I went to get a drink at the water cooler, and it had this box on top of it, over which hung a sign that said, “Upside down cups are clean.” And there was nothing in the box. And I just stood there dumbly staring at the box wondering, “What upside down cups?? Where are the cups?” And I just continued to look into the box (as if cups would appear) and I was gawking until Keith said, “the cups are here.” And I was like, “oh.” Then my gaze fell to the table BESIDE the cooler where there stood a multitude of cups. Fine. I take calculus. Sue me.

Haiya haiya. Haven’t spoken to my best since when?!?! *serious withdrawal symptoms* *cough, sneeze, wheeze, whine, snap, cry, bawl, sob, AtChOOooo* Especially Lydia. Just thought about you quite a lot today. Rachel too. I thought about calling, then I thought I’d just get online and take my chances. After all, I got to sleep pretty early. Can’t talk so long so no point also. However, tomorrow will be a weekday night and I’m reluctant to call then. What say, my co-conspirator? (cassius-san, lala-san)

Thanks to pops for the help with the math. I finished it! Sugoi desune! Daddykins is still the best! Dun be lonely okok? You’ll be here soon.
Heh heh. I’m still amazed at the number of interchangeable names for my best. Even daddykins is confused at which refers to who. Yes OkAmI san? MiTeI? Ok lar. Dun irritate everybody liaoz. But go figure out who is who lar. Have fun.

Eh, where’s Sotong?? I’m Sosososososo sorrie for not writing. Actually, it’s because I don’t know what to say but to quote what irritating Joshua said all week in camp last year. “The truth will set you free.” So… other than that, I don’t know what to say to you… and it’s not in jest- I’m serious. I recognize it’s a tough thing to do but I do ask you to consider… it’s one of your best options. Smile ok?

Shuling arh… Heh. Still not used to your new layout. Say, you very eng hor? Got so much time to change your stuffs. I took the what kind of shoe are you test and came out as leather boots. I like boots. Anyway, I pray God blesses with you with patience and that in abundance. Know you want that. Not easy. Hmm. Wonder what I’d do if I were you?

Darling, (which one? There are 2.) ermz. The TKD one. Just hope you’re not too tired there in VJ… I know school sucks there too… I will call you soon ok? I’m so so thankful for you and Lydia, to whom I am truly myself and to whom I don’t hide my feelings or change the way I act. With whom I am real and it still hurts to think about the times us 3 were just existing together. We ate together, thought together, talked, laughed, cried and did all the things 3 best friends would do. I don’t regret a moment of it- only that we couldn’t have more. I may have said it once and I’ll say it again. Rachel Mitsuka Gan, you are the absolute BEST!

Darling number 2, but by no means inferior to the above darling, I keep thinking about the time on new year’s eve, when you performed the song of the 4 seasons by Nichole Nordeman. I was SO proud of you! I can still see you now, everytime I stare into a reflection, I see you in that leafy dress just twirling… Hurts a bit. Wish I was home with you. We’d go to church together again. We will, ok! Lydia Teo Mei Ting, just you wait! 23rd November! Don’t you ever give up, no matter what you’re going through!

Sighz sighz, I have to go to school tomorrow, but I will definitely face it with more courage and I will disregard what people have to say about my oh so personal life. I remember in camp last year when Errol said me and LC were like a Chinese drama serial. I laughed so hard then, but now the idea of “interactive drama serial” where people can just poke fun at me when they like just irks me. Nevertheless, there’s nothing that can be done but for me to face up to it better. And I will.

Random quote of the day: The banana that leaves the bunch gets eaten.

And so I leave thee, as J. Chee would leave thee, with a big, fat, “BOOYA!”

Au revoir. ;)

Sighz. I’ve come to a decision, and it’s not really one I like to make but it’s one that I should make and so I will.

I don’t care what they say. They can say what they want, think what they want, eat what they want and how they want, sleep however they like, think however they wish, grumble, flirt, kiss and cry however they like. They can eat cookies without milk and throw away perfectly good vegetable. They can stay up late at night. They can pester me and try to find out what the situation is. They can choose to be mean to me and want to hurt me but it won’t hurt me. They can’t get me. Because I have my self worth intact and I’m not what they call me in any way. Because I believe that God is the only one who has the right to tell me who I am. And God would not use the f word. And anyway, God is the only one whose opinion is of true value because He knows me better than I know myself even.

My scarf smells of Estee Lauder’s Beyond Paradise. Ahhh… nice. I have nicely painted nails on my left hand with pretty yellow and white flowers. My right hand is just plain silver. YuCkZ. My handphone smells like Christian Dior’s J’adore and my wallet smells like J Lo’s Glow. I’m serious. I got the perfume samples and stuck them in the right places and now my possessions smell like aforesaid. Couldn’t make my keys smell. It doesn’t hold the smell I think. What rubbish am I going on about now??

I just finished my English crap. But I have a Kanji test on Monday, 3 chapters of bio to learn and a calculus EPW that I can’t do. I’m bringing it to church to ask Jon about it tomorrow. Hehe. Only got tomorrow to finish the bio, though. Scrap the jap lar.

I feel better now. Good thing that everything blew up only at the end of the week, because I really needed the weekend to re-establish my self worth. Really must thank some people.

1. Alix, for trying to help me and for warning me on Friday. I’m so sorry to have hurt her when I got scared and panicked.
2. Shah, for understanding without even hearing my side of anything.
3. Andrew, for just being cool when I came out of directed study wanting to cry.
4. Kate, for not blaming me when Alix got upset, and even inviting me to lunch.
5. Lydia and Samantha, for seeing me at lunch time just to support me.
6. Kristine, for as always being pretty cool about supporting me.
7. Rachel Chan, for wanting to stand up for me.
8. Carolyn and Cherie, for just supporting me.
9. And biggest thanks goes to Timmy, who was there the most for me in school and was super neutral and didn’t in the least impose on me. Really sorry for troubling you though…
10. Another big thanks goes to Jon! Thanks for all the encouragement you’ve given, you’re really the best, even if you do tease rather unmercifully sometimes.
11. Jean, you’ve been a darling and I really thank God for bring you along and for the prayer support.
12. Baby Rachel, mitsuka, for your indignance on my part. I can’t be the one to react, so you have to do it for me. Hehe. Thanks a lot…means a lot to me, but you mean even more! Love you always.
13. Lydia, who I know still thinks of me because I think of her. That’s all I need sometimes. Your sunshine face in my mind makes me smile. Especially when I’m down. Love you too.
14. Daddykins, who calls and worries a bit (I think), for first of all, accepting me and for giving me the best encouragement and the best advice, and the bestest love a dad could give. I love you!!!

And of course, I thank God! But He’s not a person, so I didn’t list it. But God’s sustainence has been magnificent, and if I didn’t have Him, I would be so in trouble. I don’t want to think about what it’d be like without Him. He’s been strength and support, peace, love, mercy, refuge, power, kindness, father, friend, grace, adequacy, acceptance, joy in the storm, ever present, and security. I’m so glad He loves me. I’m glad He loves you too! He’s just been the best!

“One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.” Psalm 27:4

|Nichole Nordeman|+|HoMe|

Bright are the stars that shine
In somebody else's sky
Green is the grass that grows
some place different
more possibilities
more than you offered me
More than I care to see
from a distance

I was certain that the Truth would be
in a place that kept eluding me
but every stone turned and unturned again
would only serve to prove
that I never had to move to find you

And you will always be
The only love I'll ever know, home
You you have made for me
the only place i'll ever go, home

God for the shameless pride
The times when I rolled my eyes
To laugh at simplicity
show me mercy

Knowing what I now now
Its hard to imagine how
I could feel anything
but unworthy

And The Mystery of your love for me
Is not as hidden as it seemed to be
Should have known then when you said to me
"seek and you will find"
It was right there all the time

I believe in the quest and the journey
I believe that the answers come in time
And where we begin is where we are arrive

I'm a princess... or so I was told... hee~