Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Confused Braination


I feel emotionally in touch and emotionally devoid all at once.
How interesting.
I have a new magazine that I like.
It has swear words, but no gossip trash.
I have had bubble tea two days in a row.
I have been exercising.
I wonder whether I should be happy at life.
Or with it.
I wonder why it doesn't come out and play.
We could be best friends, me and life.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

love quotes


"I was a gaga boy, cos you were a ye ye girl."


I thought you were a yanyan boy?

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Ashes to Ashes


"I can see you've had some experience doing that before?"
I had, but it wasn't a matter of practice makes perfect.
It was a matter of understanding my own basic life matter
and manipulating the licking flames around the frigid paper.


I remember thinking to myself:
Can't believe I'm made of this stuff.
It's so fragile, brittle, ephemeral.
One swipe, a dash of water, and it's disappeared completely.
The gush of tapwater renders it helpless.
It's just carbon.
That's all I am, that's all I came from.
If He chooses to give me life from this
and use me.
That's really something else.
Really something else. (:

Crash and Burn


When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
to tame your wild wild heart

I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door
And you feel that you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and
not alone

Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone


Savage Garden. I know the words are pretty emo. But as I was driving home in the wonderful 7 deg weather, they played this on 98.5 fm, the last song before I got out of the car, and the song found words for my heart and brought back memories of younger, embarrassingly faux pax-ed teenybopper days.


Thank you dear, you don't know how the little things are really big for me, and you've done so many little things today. You say they are not much, but they are big for me. The corny song can tell you what I mean. (:

Friday, April 18, 2008

Some were made to be aristocrats.
Although their births whispered otherwise
and their lives turned them back from it.


Then there were others.
Disgruntled.
Batteries running on empty.


So choose.

glad


There is no excuse to say "it was easier on her".
No amount of romanticism can cover the stench of reality,
But I haven't given up perfuming.
There must be a way.
It is better to be thought an inane fool,
than to go around feeling like one for not trying.
Not trying to be glad.

Labels:

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Riddles


Out of the eater, something to eat.
Out of the strong, something sweet.


Round as a marble, blue as the sea,
Unless I am green, or brown, maybe!
Smile, and I shine my window pane
Frown at me and down comes my rain
I see all things but nothing I hear
Sing me to sleep and I disappear.


Deep within me is a bird,
and in that bird another me,
and in that me a bird again,
Now what am I, in letters three?


Have Fun!

Travers; your ultimate getaway fantasy


Afternoon TV is very depressing.
Proposal writing is blase beyond imagination.
I cannot imagine looking at the same thesis 8483743 times.
Home alone is usually good fun
But I suffer Ennui today.


Mary Poppins is brilliant
I don't know what kind of person Travers was.
But like Michael Banks I think we knew
that we would rather be anywhere but here.
For just a little while.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

a princess' dream come true.

Every girl's childhood romance come true.

so simple.

5 songs.

lamplight.
windfan + george say:
Happy 3rd Month.

(:

Friday, April 11, 2008

Rollercoaster.


I don't know myself anymore!
Merry Christmas,
I've been through every possible emotion
I can think of,
I think.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Go back to that age-old first love that you had.
Sink into your cushioned seat with a mug of chocolatey remniscience in winter.
Where is solace?
No where in the glaring sunshine or the bustling to-dos.
Crumble where you know it's safe.
Stay shattered for a fleeting moment,
because repiecing means work,
which there is, aplenty.
Come undone, apart into time fragments
and glisten the pieces that held the most love
and some safety in their bygone era.
the luscious memories still comfort.
The hot chocolate tastes bitter.
And like the saying, waits until Joy emerges
to watch the cup I quaff.
crass


I feel irrnoyed.
Argh. When I am way too busy to live, my social life goes out the window. I like that! Now it's coming back. I have to deal with humans again. Like Jen says, I would rather deal with animals (phish, pig... etc). I loves them best.


HAIYAH. Machiam forgotten how to live. Can't be bothered playing politics or niceties. GAH.


I loves the warrior
I loves the child
I loves the red, the black
and everything in between.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Numb.
Scared.
Hurt.
That's all.
Dear Great God,

I've finished my stint at Therapy Focus, and you have truly blessed me beyond my wildest imaginations. Thank you so much for the favor you've shown me. I find much rest in your greatness, and I am so glad you are my king.

Sara

Monday, April 07, 2008

Mondays


Mondays feel good because I always feel a bit more Singaporean.
I got home and opened the window. The cold rush felt like it was going to rain. So I closed my eyes and pretended I was back in my old house, and instinctively, I put tonic into the cd player. It's funny how things that I never knew in Singapore can still trigger Singapore feelings (the high this junkie is looking for). The melody lines are so simple, they remind me of my bubblegum pop days, but the orchestration of each song is so semi-rock that my cringe-sensors for pop are appeased and I lean back to think about nothing at all, because the memories have faded. It is so sad to believe that I will never get my life in Singapore back, but I realise that I've begun to build something new and finally, like a seedling sprouted, there is a little to show for it. It will never be the same. I still love everybody I loved there, but we have grown in our loves. We have grown separately, and I am thankful that God has allowed us to grow parallel and not apart, even though none of us see each other very often. I will grow less and less attached to my island home, or I may return to it.. but nothing will ever be the same again, and I think I am finally resigned to it (after what, 4 years?). How can I anticipate what is to come after I cross the graduation threshold, when the old is forgotten and the new is not come? I am like a semi-amnesiac who cannot remember how to live. I have nothing to extrapolate from, and this is when the promises of God are much easier to believe in (or harder, it depends). While statistics are not my cup of tea, calculation has never left me. And in that math, maybe a little rhythm may emerge?

Saturday, April 05, 2008

777


I've reached 777 posts. My nails look terrible, and winter looms like the gloomy nut-case season it is. I hate growing bigger in winter. This winter, I should aspire to eat less. With One prac over, everything else is growing bigger, assignments, committments... my growing bigger should not be another one of those things. We can't all be huge, the world would implode from fat.


If you keep quiet, someone else will speak your sentiments.
Knowing that, it could be smart to keep quiet.
Or be the first to open your mouth.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Snapshots


10.37am- Tired, and having finished clinic work and administration for the day, I cuddle down in my quilt on the chair and think about my thesis.


Life is becoming minimalistic with these committments bouncing and resounding like noises in the ear of a child with Autism. The art would be in creating a space that is modern, zen-ish and chic, and not allow the pessimism of a run-down paint peeled wall haunt me. Where does the furnishing lie? In the mind, in the mindset of a frivolous, slightly cautious pinch of a girl.


Dear God, will you be my interior designer?