Wednesday, August 29, 2007

crumbly rumbly


My tummy has been giving me weird problems since yesterday.. I suspect the milk in the staff lounge wasn't good, but then again, my eating has been weird. My sleep has been weird. My clinic life has been taking a toll on basic function. But I guess it's ok. I'm already halfway through treatment term, and it won't be long till we are doing assessments, which will probably mean that I will not need to write session plans?


I will be doing other equally time consuming things, such as collating data. I can't wait till this year is over. It's not that I need something new- my mind is constantly overloaded anyway, but I just want to know that all this pressure (somehow, somehow gradually turning into pain) will be over soon. I know that all I can do is pace myself, and hopefully find some way to drain the pressure- even out the workload, lessen the intensity... I wonder if Curtin understands how much their students go through.. would they consider making this a 5 year course?


On the other hand, I am enjoying the kids. The children, the tuition, the working, the helping, the progress, the movement toward something postive. And the acknowledgement of this. So they were right after all- I would end up working with kids! And who knew, I'm really enjoying them so much. They say such cute funny things. Their solution to not having any apples is to grow an apple tree. (No apples, no seeds? Grow tree = 1 night?)


Tyler has changed my mind. I was adverse to change, I wanted to think he was a little brat. But he's pretty good. And he figured out how to bridge the gap, not me. And he did the work to bridge that gap. On top of that, he's not talking back anymore. "Miss, I really like this story."


I like the cute little half blonde half brunette too, with his too big grin and shy manner. I like P and B, who so have got something going on, with their smiles and wriggles and laughs. I don't like Z who sucks up to people, or L who, at 5, needs to brag all he can while he can. But these kids.. who knows where they will be, how they will be once they're grown. When I am old, these are the children who will be living their lives at their peak. What will they be like?

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

What an amazing day!


My supervisor gave me feedback that wasn't too bad. And i spent 4 pm to 8 pm giving tuition. A special favor. And I was SO proud of my tutoree, he worked for 4 hours straight! And he was amazing, and his attitude was more than fantastic. He's amazing! And I left there feeling the best ever! Whoohoo!


May and I are owning a parallel universe that is stuck one day apart in eternal limbo. Cheers to us, forever and ever. We shall ever row our boat the same, swish swash!


May is convinved that someone is hitting on me. May is mad. May is one day lagging in our parallel universe. Therefore, Sara has one day's more foresight. Why didn't May do it on the same day? Then she would have had more say. (May says I was talking to her late so how COULD she have done it on the same day?) (May wants a blog now too.) She should go get one.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Soleil is in town. I pass the circus tents as the wind blows at the flags atop, teasing them, chasing them, calling to them. They, who have always harkened to the wind. Followed it, impulsively, to go wherever it went. These people are true nomads. The freakish circus act is just that- an act. A means to an end. A people who've lived for what they've wanted all their life. Married in it, moved with it, sweat for it. I envy them. For their talent to do as they wish, as well as the courage to bring themselves where they want to go. Maybe not in a jet plane with 12 assistants each, but on trains, with luggage and stuffy seats, which is so much more romantic anyway.


Money is the most unromantic thing I can think of.


Wanderlust has turned to uncertainty. When should I book my ticket to Scotland? Should I book it? Should I go to Melbourne? If I don't get my holiday this year, next year might find me rather blue/white. After running on two weeks of caffiene, my body has succumbed and I've skipped class today, trying to quench my sleep deprivation and my mind's over-quick programme telling me what I must do today, tomorrow, everyday. I am guilty- Suze promised to pass me readings and I cannot find CR's email address. I am stuck with library Databases. I am definitely feeling it. I am definitely in 3rd year. I am definitely going to finish 4th year- I just wish it was sooner.


I've finally calmed down from the hectic semester. I haven't had more than two skips of a heartbeat to myself since clinic started. And I've sacrificed to have my time off today. But it's well worth it. The silence is deafening but it's the only sound I desire. My thoughts, usually so far off in the background are starting to surface. Two beats, three beats later, I close my eyes and imagine that my tea is a cappucino and that I am located in a quiet alfresco cafe in the heart of Italy. I want to be there, taking in at my own leisure with truly truly nothing better to do, the sights and sounds and simplicity of life. I want to watch people again, because it reminds me that we're really not so different, and more importantly, that I'm really not so different at all. I want my coffee to taste hot, indulgent, thick. I want the summer sun and cool breeze to swing in and sway to a theme i cannot hear. I want the sun to set and the customers to stream in for dinner, making the cafe buzz and come to life. I want, for that time, for the world to matter to me only in the ways I want to care. No thought to work. No pressure to perform. No stakes. And most certainly not high.


Mum's home. We've gone vege cracker mad. Sorry, calories. I've lost weight, but at the rate I've gone today, I'd better stop. sigh.


Not going to do work anymore today. Need to stop eating and stop working! And sleep more.

For some strange reason not unknown to myself, I am sad. That's why I am eating the last of my green tea pockys even though I've been treating them like war rations. The smell of green is comforting, and the taste of it is slightly bland-sweet. That's what I like about it. It's not obtrusive, only slightly observing of my plight. The traditional ice cream and chocolates soothe the wounded soul just as well- the only difference is that they have become brazen and assuming in the face of green tea anything. Green.. and Tea.. the best man made combination next to orange chocolate. Both have been and will always be great loves. (But green tea is so much better because it's not just edible! It's wearable (Elizabeth Arden), Washable (soap) and so much more!)


I moved on to jalepeno chips. And Milk Tea. my calorie count is shot.


And Ravioli is on offer at IGA.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

CHINESE RESTAURANTS

Mama and Papa and I went to Chin's tonight for dinner and I have to say it is the best I have had in a while. I really miss it- the family and the food! And strangely, I miss working in a chinese restaurant. I miss seeing the Australians eat fried rice as a main dish, serving up the traditional fried ice cream, and giving customers That look. And the yelling from the kitchen. I thought of Daisy. I really miss Daisy- she made my job so much more fun. And I remember how we used to check out boys from my college when they came in for meals, and how I told her Grant was really cute, and how he came in once and I really never forgot that meal or wanted to. (I got sad about Grant when I read my 2005 entry. Accidentally clicked lah. Wonder how Emily is in Japan...)

I also considered a number of other random things. Like about my parents and how i will never know how it feel like to be them until much later. Or why Gill and I find ourselves thinking too much, and how Su Re professes to be an overanalyser. Why have we turned on ourselves and each other with this spilling suspicion, mostly about men, and we have rancid questions about why they can be no simpler than they used to be back in the 80s when people married for love and married for life. Prenups, schpenup.

Have you ever thought about the word 'accost'. To be accosted. Fundamentally, to be assaulted, but more so, to have something COST you. like health, psychological functionality, material goods. An ear? Van Gogh accosted himself? Accost. The word is so much more fundamental than we think?

Not the brightest crayon in the box.
Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
Not the biggest ball in that ball dispenser thing outside the korean shop?
Denice is such a mennis!
EMBARRASSING!


I'll tell you something embarrassing. I was just fiddling around with my oasis account and I spotted an ad: "be a star!" Then I realised that Curtin was looking for new faces! So I went and signed up for fun. It's sort of like an ambassador-ish thing But they shortlisted me!! ROFL. This is so funny. I'm not a super Curtin advocate. Like UWA has a nice campus too! And Murdoch has animals. Right. Animals. Now I have to answer a second round of questions before they decide again, and I don't know if I want this or not. Because I can just not send the thing in. kwakwakwa...


If semi-transparent = translucent, semi-translucent = ????


I'm actually really tired. But i have drama at 2pm. And I have work to do! NOOOOOO. =( Scary la. What they said about time management is true. I have to perfect the art of having a life and being a super-nerd. Go Go Go! I'm going to send my team of mini-minions to make me breakfast because I don't have time. Pooh bear! Start the coffee, Oscar, don't sulk! Giraffe! Make me toast! Octopus-tachi, you can multitask! Very good. You can buy me lunch from wherever I want. LOL. IN my dreams. I'm going to wake up now. and make MY OWN brekky. And do MYOWN work. My minions are not like Rachel's. Her's are hamsters.(they are also imaginary). Mine are little stuffed animals. (They are non-mobile)


Hopping out of bed now. Ta, and enjoy your day!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Finally. I have gotten round to getting a new skin. The old one was probably two years old (just different pictures) and I wanted a flat layout again. For now, you'll just have to ignore the over-long pictures.

I don't feel like going for class tomorrow...

And denial is not a river in Egypt.