I can't believe it. I'm upset again. Over nothing. Over the fact that I have the best friends in the world and now that I am talking to lydia all the tension that has built up is just unwinding and i'm finding myself normalising again. And crying, just because. There's no other way to say this because I have no idea what is going on in my very tangled set of emotions. I'm half happy half sad, half remniscient and half not wanting to rememeber, because it's the happy things that hurt you most.

I came back from school so forlorn and so lonely... and the tension that had built in me was one that I was unaware of. I didn't know that I was all irate from having to try to be nice to people and from putting on the painfully polite face all over when it was just a big old grin or a scowl behind it. I think that's what painfully polite means. It's not good for the soul. But I can't seem to be myself with so many people that it's actually very irritating. And very relieving to talk to Lydia. Finally it was like some trace of normality returning. And I just want to cry.

I will leave it as it is. This will not go away if I stress about it. Homesickness hath no true cure, lest you be forsaken by your beloved (or beloveds)and you want to start over again... but the funny thing is that I'm building a new home in a place I may never see thru my brown eyes as home.

Oh, girl! I'm just so glad that you were there, even for a while just to talk to me. I love you for everything you are and everything I know I see in you. Everything true, kind, and right in God's sight, all your weaknesses and your habits. I can never really say how thankful I am to our heavenly father for giving you to me. I have truly been blest, with two of the best.

Rachel, for the things you've taught me, for the lessons we've learnt together, the dragons we've slayed together (growls at chinese) and the laughs, tears, chocolates, chips and anime we've had. For true friendship, for faithfulness and loyalty... for everything you are, even if you don't see what it is.

I love you two!

I haven't posted for quite a while now... perhaps it's the Truman syndrome, (aka not wanting people to hear you moan and groan about every single pathetic detail in life.)

However, I will update... cos I haven been posting much of anything decent. (unless u consider random quizes very productive.)(I did enjoy the squishy quote, though. Kept me entertained for about a day in total, then lost it's novelty.)

I had a terrible time today in the english seminar... lecture after boring incessant talk. And it rained too. I spent the whole day listening to stuff on genre and intertextuality and I couldn't stand it. Except for the first 2 lectures by some guy called antonio taverno. I think. He was cool, and we got to watch an extract from the blair witch project. Oh maaaan, freaky.

In the end, I got back to school later than the usual time school ends and I was so claustrophobic. Do I really want to go to university?? *Think, girl, think.*

Camp on sunday was very good. Drove like 2 hrs there and spent 4 hrs there and drove another 2 hrs back. Felt quite woozy after the ride... so tried to jog... but I'm getting fatter by the day man...

I think I've burnt out. I studied hard for the exams and I didn't get a holiday after. So they're workin me out now and I'm just pushing everything aside to do what's more impt to me- SLACK. And I ate so much just now but it feels really really good man.

I didn't mention this before because it hurt me too much to do so... it's about Mr. Tan. I really got a terrible shock when I heard the news from rach. And I felt so bad about it. My first thought was... what about the kids now? why didn't she think about the consequences they'd have to live with?? I mean, human life isn't much thicker than a thread or a flame! All it needs is a little encouragement to be snuffed out. And I was just cut inside when I found out because there is no way I'll ever imagine how Mr. Tan feels. The feeling of helplessness is there too cos I can't even show support by going to the wake. And I was just feeling really sad... but I also realised that he can and will grow stronger from this... and all I can do is to pray that this experience will cause good changes in the lives it has affected. I know his wife was an ex-AHSian... And I see the way they loved their children. He was always so happy about his children and I remember that whenever he did talk of them, he was so proud of his family. That's really something to behold.


I'm so sorry that Rach has been havin bad papers. Girl, I really wish I was there for you. I know I wouldn't really have the right things to say anyway, but that's not what matters. I guess I wish I could just be there for you like always. But as always, your determination and drive has kicked in well, and you have already purposed to work hard. Proud of you always, girl.

I have this bad attachment to rain... not bad, really, but it evokes memories that are so happy they hurt now. I think it rained most significantly on december 20th 2003, well after 8.20 pm. And I remember jona and LC and me walking fast with only one umbrella btwn us. I was wearing my trench coat, green khaki tank and jeans. LC was in the white shirt and jeans he donned at the airport when everyone sent me off. I dun remember what jona was wearing. (hm,that's a good thing right??) As we were walking and soaking along boat quay, and also toward that small macdonalds (that area of the city is so beautiful at night I could literally cry.) the smell of rain rose in the air. I have always delighted in that smell. as a child I'd stick my head out the window just to smell the rain. And it was particularly strong that night. I was drizzled on. (the boys manfully shaded me.) and LC was soaked all on the left. (His right side was dry, haha.) Jona surrendered the umbrella halfway thru the walk cos we were blaming him for not knwoing how to hold one. So that was the most memorable rainy night of my life. Whenever it rains here, the memories inevitably come rushing back. Sometimes I stand there just to remember... but sometimes it hurts...and I want to go back to sec 4.

I'm full of childish demands... and in truth the paragraph above was full of them, and also of a yearning for that which will never be... I'll never have my world back the way it was. that chapter seems shut. Should it ever open again, I will run back in with no qualms and no regrets... and I will learn to appreciate what I have more than I did then.

{You don't miss the water till the well runs dry}

"I shall name him squishy and he will be my
squishy."


Which Random Movie Quote Are You??
brought to you by Quizilla

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAA~~ That's the best thing I've heard all day?? Should I adapt that? Where is it from??????

You are most like Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky
IV...or Ed to be short! Ed (her real name is
Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrosky IV) is the last
character to join the Bebop's crew. The meeting
happens in session #9: "Jamming with
Edward". She lives on earth and spends all
her time with computers...infact she is a great
hacker, her nickname is "Radical
Edward". Ed follows the Bebop's crew
because she is looking for new adventures, so
she often helps Spike and the others searching
informations on the web. She is also very good
to play chess. Ed is young, infact she is very
childish in her behaviour.


what cowboy bebop character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

U BELONG IN Inu-yasha vol.5
quotes:a spider head?
its because you keep playing mr.macho...that we
always get screwed like this!..you idiot!idiot!
ill pickle her in miso and eat her later.
i felt clawz...horribly sharp clawz...in my
flesh...


which of the mangas i have do you belong in
brought to you by Quizilla


toystory2oliverandcompanybigfatliarpaulietreasureplanetbartoksnowwhite102dalmationsstarwarsjurassicparkthelandbeforetimev1cinderellamulan
those are some of the movies on are shelf are
movies really suck (Please vote)


!!!!!!!!!!quiz of random questions!and results!!!!!!!!!!
brought to you by Quizilla

That's a random quiz with random results. That's really really rendom.

Here I am again, trying to keep this haggard old blog running. It's been a faithful old thing. (shucks, I'm talking like the year's already over!)hahas.

Aniwaes, I was feeling like crap this afternoon, and I called dearie darling rachel... Just wanna thank her for her continued support and loving love. ( love me enough to impersonate me on the tagboard horr.) Or is that attributed to studying too hard??

hahas. Aniwaes... I wrote to darling avvy... get it soon okok??

I just wanna say that when you're down and out and inside out, there's only one place to get fixed, and that's in God's arms of love, at the foot of the cross...

Just wanna thank everyone who helped point me back to God, whether directly or indirectly. Or rather, thank everyone God used.

He's the alpha and Omega, beginning and end. He's behind me and before me. I have no cause to fear, he protects me and he's alwaes shielding me, I have nothing, NOTHING to fear. (no, not spiders, ants or bitches.)

I must trust that He beside me, and i know it for truth. I am so glad that he's faithful! And that he's making me into the person he wants me to be though it hurts

Just hope I can pass on the joy, peace, blessing and Love he's consistently showered on me!

Lydia was right all along, in any circumstance, it can leave you scarred or u can learn from it. It's a choice, cos we were given free will. Take it or leave it. And dun blame anyone else for your not learning.

Alison said to me, a difficult situation will either make or break your faith. Dun let it be broken, instead strengthen it.

I love the way God is alwaes there... my backup!

Kekee. Not the best dae of my life, but I've learnt a lot.

When Life throws u lemons make lemonade!

hiaz. Bored. Tired and got a ton of homework that I can't slack out of. So so sianz.

diaongz. Jus reporting.

larr larr larr. Just felt like emphasising the R. Heyhey.

Kkz Rachie, wun call until after exams.. wait when I go back to stay with you yr mom give me evils... *looks around* better play it safe.

Got horrid notes to make for biology. Better get them done. I'm such a procrastinator. Pro-CRUSTinator. I like crusts. Even bread crusts.

English presentation due soon. Just with this week would pass faster~ got to hangle 2 bio tests too. Way to go, Sara. Stress yourself out only AFTER the exmas, hey?

So fun so fun. I love jap class. I LOVE ice-skating! I don't appreciate the big bruises that I got with it but hey, pay the price for a good deal. I think the bruises can compare to Lydia's. I now understand why she wants to keep showing them to people. I never understood before cos I never had such serious ones but now I can comprehend this irrational urge to say, "ehh. I got orh cheh u noe. Wanna see?" So horrid, I know.

I wrote bio notes for HIV. So irritating. I got so irritated that I wrote under the precautions section, "Don't share bloody things." My mom laughed when she saw that bit.

Daddie's b-dae on ThUrS!!! So.. Happie bdae in advance daddiee!!!

Well well well. Ah di never reply my mails. I'm guessing that he's obsessed with someone out there in Singapore. No time to write to his old, ancient jie. But hey, I'm alive.

kkz, gonna blog the other side. sleep well!

zZZZzZzZzz,
Sara

heyhey. just checked ter score over the net. If i was a 2003 student and I got the marks that I did, I'm score a 99.4 in the ranking. Yahoo. Hope I can keep my grades consistent.

I found the english copy of ayashi no ceres in the library. Borrowed it, and I'm thinking that I should work on drawing eyes, seeing as watase yu is so good at it. Timmy thinks it's perverted cos the front cover is of a skimpy aya.

Trying to log onto animechains again. I've abandoned that site for so long cos it's addictive. Sighz. Wonder what I've become~~ hehe.

In directed study now.. lazy. Supposed to research something on the net I think. Except that I'm already hooked on the net. Too bad no msn. But no one will be there anyway.

haiya. Better do some work. Going ice skating tomorr. It's gonna be good I hope...

kk larr~

{All my dreams I've shared with you~ one of them is coming home to you}

heeeeeeeee... so much english homework. not very nice but I think I can handle. I am so happy to be back in the "study stress" mode. after exams... must.. STUDY! hahas.

Noe sometimes when a smell molecule just floats past? I smelled one and it smelled like Lydia's room. Den I got sad. Just like Rach and the stuf bottle. dun wanna elaborate now... heh.

Got to disect a documentary and fast. Oral presentations worth a gazillion marks are up soon. Better do my work mann.

crapz. Muz go out soon. Meet charissa. But talking to di di now lei.. dun wanna gooooooooo away from the com.

Sorry to be typing so little but my creative juices are reserved for the oral presentation. Sighz.

Write later okok.
love
Sara

heyhey...

BaCk to school tomorrow!!! (not good, in case u didn't understand the !!!) So I thought I'd pig out on the com a bit. heh.

I went running with Jean, and she brought Heng Wei and Marcus with her. The interesting thing is that marcus's sister knows Joy Goh. (Yes, I said Joy goh.) So Believe it or not, I'm going to write to her and ask marcus to take the letter to his sis to Joy. why would I write to Joy Goh you might ask me. Because, because, no man is an island. and you gotta have friends! So I shd be nice and keep in contact ya? heh.

aniwaes, it's been funny weather lately. Rain then stop in 5 mins. Not very funny lorr. But u in SG can laugh all you want. hmph.

My daddie woke me up today and waved the AHS yearbook in my face. I screamed and jumped up and practically ate up the book!!! Did you see Rachel's face in the debate section. looked like queen of tao man. kool.

went to see Alethea, Joanne, Nathanial, Arial, Amelia, Kezia and Trixie today at dinner. Was quite nice, cept it rained like mad.

I watched Honey a few days ago. And now I'm crazy about losing weight and joining a dance class. Man, the things movies do to ya...

Lydia... Do u think taking up hiphop would be a bad idea? No, wait. Are you in ermz... not singapore. Haiz, can't wait till your poly starts. Then all the boys will jiu you. so fun horr.

Called jona and Rach the other day. Jona told me to keep sane and come back soon. Rach said so many kewl things I dun rmb... (dun kill meeeee)

kk lar. Msn is up and going. Will post more. Miss y'all so so bad!!!!!

(p.s. did I say I'm smitten??? Guess who this time? so obvious rite. he better not find out mann so embarrassing)

Sotong u dun laff okkk.

La-dee-dahh… nothing doing. Cold as usual. Thinking about some people in Sg… of late, I’ve thot abt them quite a bit… though I think I shouldn’t be. Rachel wouldn’t scold though. She’d say, “awwwh, that’s sweet.” I wonder, really. But this person, Rachel and Lydia, (for the sake of clarification) is the only one my age out of the many u have got in your head. Got it yet?

Sighz. Maybe exam stress is reminding me of this person because of the way we’d all be goofing off in class if I was home. Ironic, and amusing.

I heard Alicia key’s A woman’s worth in the supermarkets today and I immediately thought of Grandpa. I associate songs with people, I suppose. Here’s what I can remember of my song association:

Jonathan C: Moulin Rouge, Alicia keys, Destiny’s child, Ally McBeal (do u see a worrying trend??)

Rachel: anime soundtracks, Christina Aguilera, Kelly Clarkson, kogepan, phish bowl sounds.

Lydia: Stacie Orrico, Nichole Nordeman, sobakasu, anime soundtracks mostly from Rurouni Kenshin.

Joanne: Mandy Moore’s walk me home.

Zhen Xiang: Edison Chen

Melvin: Sesame Street, opera sung badly.

LC: chocobo theme song (bad right.) Final fantasy’s balamb gardens, Love hina’s sakura saku, evangelion theme songs.

Chung Chi: Backstreet boys.

Samantha Lee: f4?!?!?

Shirley: SSS, animation medley, singapura medley, santa cruz, and all those band songs…

Avril: In the zone, hole in the head.

Mandy: Rugrat’s theme songs.

Timmy: shrek soundtrack, elmo’s world song.

Crystal: J west, maroon 5, outkast’s hey ya, Jessica Simpson.

I wonder if u can tell something about a person by what u associate them with. I associate Rachel with fish, anime, good voices, and bubbly joy. I associate Lydia with pink, falling down, cosmetics, girly dresses (yes, prom shopping left it’s trauma mark.), dancing, cuteness exemplified, happiness.

Yes yes yes. 2ml last important paper. The come home bia for jap on Friday…

Just for the record, I must say this: I’m eating soooooooooooooo much. It’s terrible and I’m so cold and so hungry…. Fat!!!!!!!!!!! Help!!!!!! But, hey, whatever.

YiKeS… can’t wait to call u Rachel. When my exams are over I can call Lydia, but I dunno when yr exams are over!!!! Dum dee dum. Heh heh. I’m a druggie on u two.

I take several different types of drugs.
Caffeine. Chocolate. Rachel. Lydia. Cold air. More chocolate.

Heeeeee. Off to get high on food again. Guess what. I’m e-mailing di di. Rachel WILL scold for this one. But it’s quite superficial. So I think it’s ok.

Da dum dee dee dum dee dum. Picked up italiano from my cousins.

White: bianco
Yellow: giallo
Pink: Rosa
Red: roso
Blue: blu
1: uno
2: dua
3: tre
4: quatro
5: chinque
6: se
7: sete
8: oetto
9: nova
10: deche

That’s all I remember… Zoe’s 6 and Jared’s 8. and they speak some Italian… cool horr.

Muz go slp now. Got exam 2ml. Kekes, ciao!

{ichi ni san yon. Sakana to buta wa kakoi desu!}