*-[PiCtuReS]]`+
Pictures. I have one image that stays in my mind, and it comes back to me once in a while. It's a picture of a little girl with short, light colored hair, who isn't more that 6 or 7, standing with her worn and ancient teddy bear in the throne room of a king. She is barefoot, and her clothes are but rags, and you can see the dirty smudges on her face and arms. Her toes curl, and she is uncomfortable about being in such a majestic place in her present state. Even at that age she understands what it means to be presentable before a king. The throne room stands in a open space concept. Behind the profile of the beggar girl there are pillars, and from where the room is viewed the floor is smooth and tiled, with colors in between the tiles. The great door from which the child entered is closed, but she doesn't turn to look. Focus on the King. He is seated in finery and majesty, yet his throne is not overloaded with wealth or jewels. His splendour comes not so much from the way he is dressed or from what one can see from the outside, but rather it is his presence that invokes awe. His face is soft. An amazing humility flows forth from him, he is the most important person on earth but yet he is approachable. He holds all power on earth in his hands, and you know it. You KNOW it. He is elevated above all else, and yet he's never been closer to his people. That's what this girl knows. And that's why she's stopped looking at her feet. She's enamoured by him. He smiles. And suddenly the teddy bear drops. And just as it hits the floor, she's in his arms. She's raced across the marble tiles and jumped. He laughed, and it doesn't matter where she's from or how dirty she is. He loves her more than anything else in the world.

So it is with me and my king. My Jesus. The lover of my soul, who's given so much for me. I remain the beggar girl who has only herself to bring... And he, my king, who gives everything. I love him but he loves me more. And I stand in Awe. Thank you Jesus... for wanting me... who's so small and worthless... but you love me like I'm worth everything...and you showed me that you did when you really gave it all up for me. I wanna give what I have to you, which isn't much but I know that's what you want. Because in my weakness you are stong, and that's when the world sees your glory.

*-[[I LOVE YOU JESUS]`+

I watched her.
Slow steps along the sandy shore, parallel to the swish of the waves.
Near invisible,
But I still saw her.
I saw her as she stopped and shivered.
So alone.
So cold.
And she turned around
And called to me.
I quickened my steps,
it turned into a run
And I reached out.
But I was too late
Or perhaps I wasn't the one
To hold her back.
She'd already fallen.
A long time ago...

I guess I sound crazy to write like this. And the person I'm writing about doesn't even read here, but I know she'll want to if I give her the addy.. I've been feeling disturbed ever since she told me.. Like I wish I could help her but at the same time i know she doesn't want it la. Hmm.. Gambatte, dearie. I hope that you won't shut yourself out to my Saviour Jesus Christ.. If only you'd give Him a chance... please?

[And maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me cos after all, you're my wonderwall]

*-[SuMmEr NiGhTs]]`+

Summer nights in Perth are unpredictable, the only thing you can be sure of is the cloudlessness of the sky and the quietness that comes with sunset. Other than that you can say that it's generally hot, but that the evenings are cool... I love summer, I love the heat and the dry weather.

Don't think that there's anything on tonight on TV that's good. I need to clean my room. Ahh... I love slacking! Contrary to that statement I've already opened my course books and started on them. [Learning and development: And Introduction] is a rather thick book but I've taken quite well to it. I know that sounds nerdy. I shall stop. haha. Have I mentioned that language is facinating?

Michelle Yip is down with dengue... poor girl... Must pray for her to recover~

Dance was from 1-5 today... Ale and I came up with some puppeting that will work for the bit that's too slow for the R&B, but I don't think we'll use it because it's too much trouble to go and tell Kat to cut the music in a different place. Hmms. I learnt some funny moves that I wasn't supposed to learn though. Shh... Just between the girls, ya? There's a bit of a problem with costumes.. and to discuss this, we shooed ariel out of the room as he was the only guy... and Kat modeled the skirt for us... no conclusion, though.

Dearie Rachel, This pinky pinky section is meant to represent strawberry chocolate. I wonder if he even blogsurfs. And you're moony! And you're moony when I'm not around again. Sigh. hahaha. See... Last last year when I asked if u liked him you didn't! SiGh~ SigH~ hahahaa.

Lydia baybee, where is you? haha, just randomness. How's school? No more microbio to annoy your eyes? I'm wearing a turquoise and PINK sphag. hehe. happy? Ya, and there's a pink pig sitting on my desk from *-[JeStEr]]`+ so that I can remember you. And yesyes, Jola too.

Papa went phishing. For phish. Don't worry Rachel. He went crabbing too. Maybe I'll have Hawthorne for supper. I hope for so much! Haha. get back at him for the a/c incident. Such HuBbIeS deserve to be caught and eaten.. hehehe... and yesyes, we'll let any guppies we catch go free. haha...

OkAeS... I shall go clean my room! Ikimasu! Ikimasu! Sara! Get off the floor~! tatekudasai! Tate! Tate! sigh~ Arimasen~ -_-"

I Think It Hurts. Ow.
Here comes the deja vu of thinking something's just come straight at you.
WhaMm.
And that it never comes alone.
Double WhAmM.
That's a few hits in a row.
Strike.
Someone just throw me on a beach
with my phish
and my piglet
and my music
and my essentials (like ChOcOlAtE)
and a nice house.
With the best view.
Let me drift out.
Into the dreams that might never be.
I said MIGHT.
Because there's hope.
Someday.
Just us 3.
Our Day Will Come.

Sighers. As u can tell I'm missing you guys again. And I feel so stuffed up about everything...
MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY.
=)

*-[Random weird stuff that makes sense to me and to 2 other special people in my life. I love ya both!]]+

It was the 5th day of the last month of the 87th year that it started. The most beautiful queen of all of the pacific ocean was born. With a long flashy tail and sparkling eyes that told of countless hearts to be broken, phishie was the pride of her family. She grew up a charm.. a beautiful guppy in all her splendour, and she was well known for her singing and her AXN in all the ocean. But she always knew there was more than this. More than just stinky algae and a murky TV and sand on the floor all the time.

As her school of fish taught her more stuff about life, she learnt of currents and waves and tides... and she realised that there was more life on land than anywhere else! So she caught the next pacific express that swished her to the shore... and her heart sank as she reached nearer the land she so longed to see... she stayed in the surrounding waters for many days, wondering whether she should try the dry sand... and it was there that her life changed forever. She met Him. No, not HIM. Just him. Hawthorne. He was a miser. A grumpy pessimist. And a great pincher of the beach apes. And she was so mesmerised with him that she decided to marry him! Maybe the chandelier lights in the hallway had something to do with the blindness as well. But anyway, there was a great ceremony at the shore of sherman's lagoon... and they played pool and emptied beer cans every night.

Then one fateful night she met a pink pig who was floating in her bikini. And the thing that amazed phishie was that this pig was so slim and beautiful. She had never in her life seen a more beautiful pig. And this pig was blowing spit bubbles and doing ballet. and she had an orange 37 deg bag full of make up. Esp eyeshadow. So phishie befriended this pig and they became best friends. And after a few years of this (the beautiful pig visiting the beach very often and Phishie living near shore), Phishie saw hawthorne's true colors... when he didn't allow her to use the a/c on a hot night. So they split up and phishie moved out with piggy...

Piggy had a favourite hangout- a cheesecake shop. That's where she met her cheesecake. and all 3 of them became best friends. The dumpy fattening cheesy cake and the phishie with no tail and the piggy that was pink. Her beautiful tail accidentally got eaten on a bus by the other two when they got hungry...

And so it is still. And that's the way it should be. =)

Very lame. hahahah... dun scold me...

[SeA and CrAbs and Sea Crabs]

The sea holds it's enticing charm out to me.. and I can't, just can't resist.

I waded out. Among the clamouring seaweed, the waves and the crabs.

Bliss. Pure bliss as the sun set and I just hung on to my box by the string... with a lonely crab in it, like a little girl pulling her toys around in a cart. The waves swished, and the mud tried to claim my shoes, but I could only smile. For pure bliss of the sun's rays rippled across the ocean... for sheer pleasure of the waves pushing and tugging at me... and in knowing I was standing in the middle of the sea. In the middle of nowhere. In the middle of pure bliss. I didn't want to go back. The water was thigh-high, lapping at my shorts and as dusk set in, the water calmed, and the sleepy tranquility of darkness began to fall, scattering the enigma of the sea furthur still, reflected in the lone star twinkling in the sky.

**Out across the endless sea
**I would die of ecstacy
-NoRaH JoNeS

I didn't want to wade back to shore. I just wanted to fall into the lapping waves... and sleep.

Suppose I have sailor's blood in me? =) I wonder. Crabbing is fun. and tiring. That's why today's post.. is jumbly.

Church and dance tomorrow! I like Life. It's fun.

-=StArrY StArRy NiGht=-

SiGgh]]

Why is Ps Daph leaving so soon? too soon for me.
Just sad...
Wish my world was really paradise...
but then where would be the fun in perfection?
There is a certain beauty in inperfection.
A flawed kind of wonder.
Live it
Love it
Or. hate it.
Which is not advisable...
Because you can enjoy life.
So why stop yourself?
*grinz*

Oyasumi.
[[live. Breathe.]]

SiGh... ChArLie'S AnGeLs... with a twist... Miss Y'all!

SiGh.. Just testing the hosting... haha.. Miss my fwens!!! muack to Lyds!!

*SuGaRuSHh]]

No, I don't have one, but I think I need one. I need chocolate really badly. Think I'll go for mars. I want the singapore chocolate (that's actually jap)! Sigh...

I get to see Ps. Daph today. I hear I'm getting stuff. I dunno what stuff. But I heard it's... quite a lot. haha. That jester... go and trouble Ps. Daph! Poor lady...

I'm aching and sore and tired. I should go back to work. I so should. I need exercise and I need to get out of the house and I need more chocolate!

Sigh. Just being restless. Yups.

[Jesters suffer from STM. It makes them funnier.]

I haven't the heart to post.

Poor pufferfish!
Massacre.
It must be stopped
Or stoppited.
As Arundhati Roy would say.
Should spare them.
They don't know what pests they are.
They're cute,
In a bad way.
I must admit.
I have a soft spot for phishes.

Why am I harping on Phishes?
Because my best fren is one.
because what I really want to say is too sad.
Too sad to make a post out of.
Because it's pathetic as well
Because I think I'm going mad again.
Again.
I don't like this deja vu.
Some aren't bad.
Just this one.
It hurts.
I thought I'd passed it.
Early last year.
I thought I wouldn't feel so bad this time round.
But I was wrong
It's WORSE this time.
Why?
Cos I've renewed friendships
and formed new ones
Logic tells you
that you hurt more when you leave
what you love.
It tells you that since the bonds are stronger this time,
you cry more
you miss more
you grow discontent.
But carry on instead,
CONTINUE.
for what else is there to do?
I cannot stop
There is no turning back the clock and pausing it.
The door is closed again for now.
It's locked.
The key is gone.
I'm. Just. Wretched.

There's always been something about the sea that's enticed me. Something about the salty air, the cool breeze, and the idea of a dark ship in the horizon that's always drawn me to the darkness of the water. The eerie mysterious feeling of what lies beneath, the inability to separate the horizon from the water- making you think you're sitting in an oil canvas with no imagination.

Yesterday was no different. I enjoy the sea for what it is, for the shivers it brings down my spine. With the knowing that there's more life to this than what meets the eye. But yesterday was not about the sea. It was about people. It brought my attention to the stars instead, shining so wisely from above. They, who saw everyone. Who anticipated words and conversations. If I ever had the chance to speak with them before the velvet cloak of night and cloud embraced them, what would I say?

The light was focused upon my drawing. A cumbersome effort to recreate the shoreline. Pencil in hand, eraser in mouth. Then I heard voices. Soft, accented and slow, almost shy, and the reply of my friends to it. I turned to find a girl of 21 behind me, looking wistfully into the dark sky. Night brings no vision but that of silhouettes, and shadows. She was forlorn, her smile wan. As they spoke I listened, and feigned interest in my pathetic artistic endeavours. Finally I could stand it no longer, but looked with interest at this girl, so like myself a year ago, and spoke to her in her own language. How her face brightened, and her eyes read relief. 'Watashi no mae wa Ann desu.' A hand goes to her heart to signify herself. I smile. 'Sara desu. Yoroshiku.' She asks about my nationality, not understanding how I would speak a foreign tongue. I tell her, and she laughs. Her laugh tinkles and rings, and the stars laugh with her. She isn't Japanese either. We exchange numbers, and she walks away slowly, dainty little steps, one by one, not wanting to waste the night air. She dances without knowing it. Her lone figure fades into the darkness and I wonder for a moment if it was all a dream, but I see the pencil markings I've made on the side of a box of biscuits and I know it's for real. I hope we meet again. And that when we do, that the look of lonely desperation won't be there anymore.

There is someone else. Someone younger. With 5 years of age to her credit, Pei Li looks at me squarely. I tell her I'm 17. "You should be 10," she says. "10?" "Yes, 10. Cos, you're so big!" I laugh and ask, "Then, what is 17? Is that old?" She doesn't look at me but I get an emphatic "yes!" The ability of a child to comprehend age and time is strangely warped, but I like this child anyway. Maybe it's her slightly authoritative tone, or her persistence with the sand she nudges with her tiny shoes, or more likely, it's her unbashed manner with which she holds court as queen. "come on, you need to help! Cover this one" And she nudges the stones in the sand with her shoe. It's all a game. Everything holds appeal to this small one, whether it's the car windows, the seatbelt, the dishwasher or the sand under the wheels of the space wagon. I'm wearing slippers, but apparantly it makes no difference. I shove sand in the appointed direction and play along. Finally, the jaggered stone is covered and she stamps on it, leaving a mark from her white canvas shoes on the sand. A clover. I smile. And try to remember what it's like to be a child. Innocent, and ignorant. And bossy. When it's time to go, she scramble into the front seat and whispers into the window, "Sand." The glass fogs up, and she looks so small... I hardly see them drive off. I'm too busy crossing the highway. It's not usual protocol. And it's not advised, really.

I come back to the familiar scene of things. Papa the sage- holding his rod with an all knowing look. Ariel throwing his line in so hard the bait's likely to come off even before it hits the water. We've told him a hundred times not to fall in. The pufferfish wait. To swallow hooks. To annoy. Maybe that's why the Japanese eat them.

The surreal magic of it all never leaves the place. The sea never relinquishes its charm.

Desperation
Don't ask about the title. I don't know why either. perhaps... It's because all I have to connect me to my world and the place where I've left my heart is the internet? It's not that there's nothing to do. It's the fear that I'll run out of things to do before March.

2005. My world is going to spin again. I've got till March to buckle up. I've got one hope, one foundation, no fear and a big box of chocolates. Close my eyes and fly. Just like last year. Just like how you get on a scary ride and your nightmare comes true- and you open your eyes to find yourself hurling out of control into the starless sky. This time, it's slightly different. This time, I'm looking foward to it. =) Because something in me lives and breathes. Something that carries me through it all.

I remember when I first came to Australia and found myself in a raging war of everything. School. Friends. Food. Homework. emotions. I remember how I crouched in a corner and let everything take over me. How I wasted my tears in self pity. And how he came. And lifted me. Above it all... Looking back, I regret that I didn't enjoy the rocky ride more with him by my side. He was driving, but all I could do was close my eyes and say... +`[HuRrY Up]`+! I should have screamed like they scream on those scary rides... screamed my lungs out for the thrill of it and laughed till my sides hurt. I'm gonna try that this year. =)

I've just finished the shirts and the blue glitter's run out. Fortunately, court jester, there was enough for your name to come out nicely. Mine's a bit wonky, due to the paint coughing away like it's got a furball stuck in it's throat. It causes a fair bit of blotching, you know, but I managed. =) such is the strength of a woman. wahaha.

The air con's on and I'm lying on my bed in a heroic effort to ward off the heat. I love air con! (yes, I realise this was first said by Rachel, but then again, some phish are more equal than others.)

sigh. I'm tired. (yes, I know that the court Jester likes to say this about a million times a day. I like the bells on your hat. I'm sure lala does too!)

Jola... is still asleep! Ah wells, haven't eaten much today.. youghurt with grapes and 3 cookies! maybe I should raid the fridge? Darling Daddy is coming home early to save me the trauma of eating my own cooking. To save himself too! *wink* haha. Mum called. She's buying me CD's!!!! *does a little dance* yappari! okaasan wa sugoi desune! Arigatou nee~

kk la, better prepare for papa's arrival. Head of the house, know? haaha...

Jaa.

+_`[Any fool can count the seeds in an apple. Only God can count all the apples in one seed.]`+

Walking Straight
I contemplated a glass of port. Then remembered the chores... Then again, I've never been drunk...

Daddy came home late today, but he was so happy about dinner and I was so happy to see him. We sat outside under the stars for a while.. he with his guitar.. I with my flute. [Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean... I've been in love with you..] or so the song says but I hear God saying it instead.

I'm whimsical and yet not whimsical. I wish I was either, it's easier to write that way.. it's like two sides of you show and struggle to take power. Co-dominance, this is.

The events of the day were... unspecial? I stepped not past the threshold of my home.

I talked to Joshie in the morning...=) hahas. I woke up when I got his message, actually...

Being in Perth is good. I feel like a housewife. If i eat another meal of my own cooking, I may not live to see another day. Someone save me from my own cooking! PlEaSeee.. not to mention save daddy too... hahaha. Mum is happy with the arrangement, though.

Toasters. Toasters are good. They are simple appliances that require little understanding apart from turning the dial. I remember in my greedy childhood (or rather, daddy dearest reminded me ever so severely) the day i toasted hash browns in the toaster... and insisted on having them a la cheese. Having secured the prized cheese in the right portion, I then proceeded to do something very dumb. I threw (yes, THREW) them into the toaster, and aimed for the hash browns, sorely missing the mark to have them land on the heating element. Fantastic! I started to laugh, then to guffaw, and as I was haw-hawing my guts out, Daddy came over and tried to be very stern about the whole misdemeanour. Failing utterly, he proceeded to rescue the dead cheese and restore the heating element to it's former glory, all the while very bewildered and asking, "what in the world are you laughing at?" All I could say between gulps of air was, "Cheese in the toaster." Mum was out and I think she was glad that she wasn't present when my misconduct was related to her... I don't know why I laughed at all... but it WAS funny when it happened... oh well, nothing worse than crashing a car at 3 and 5, eh, my court jester? The bells on your hat testify a postive response. =)

It's getting late.. maybe I'll take a drive with pops. mMmm... Jaa.

Oyasumi!

+`[God's last name is NOT dammit]`+

The end of 16 and the beginning of domestication

Several things to note today:
1. Barley expands to 3 times it's normal size after it's cooked. Don't throw that much brown sugar in, please. It means you have to clean the stove afterward.
2. Cauliflower has to be cut smaller. Common sense tells you it doesn't cook evenly otherwise.
3. Hand washing black clothes was a roaring success.(the clothes were happier than me) Congrats, Sara, you've spoilt your hands. As if you hadn't when u started working anyway. Good thing the restaurant opens only on the 10th.
4. Walking to Winthrop is getting shorter and shorter. I wonder why.
5. The guy at the newsagency is called daniel. So says my receipt.
6. I sliced a portion of my nail off when cutting cauliflower. So I cut all my nails. great.

Haha... Anyways, Auntie Betty came by.. said she wanted to talk to me. Hmm. I'm actually worried about all this.

I've had so much chocolate it's not funny. Sigh. It's actually a bad sign.

Jola is happy... she's been sleepy the whole day... What do I have to do tomorr?

Vacuum
Paint the shirts
write letters

yeash! I got my stamps from the post office le. All i have to do is finish the letter and post it. Walk out again... sian ar.

Never mind. Anything to stay my size and less.

Now that I'm 17... does this mean I have to be all domesticated? Apparantly it's the newest upcoming thing in my life, seeing as I'm in the house supposed to have it spick and span by 6 daily so poor Daddy doesn't stress himself out.

wells... going to get MORE groceries. Daddy's idea. Jaa ne!

+`-[YoU ArE GoD EtErNal]-`+