I was filling in my self evaluation checklist when I came to this question.

"What did the client/parent take away from the session?
The parent learnt that assertiveness and a firm tone are needed to provide efficient feedback, and that labeling the stutter would not suffice."

Then thought, what did my very young client take away from the session?

"The client took from the session a long-legged puppet made from two paper bags and 4 pipe cleaners poorly attached to the paperbags, which were laced with foam polka dots and two plastic eyes that rolled about in it's 2D head. It was very pretty."

Descriptive enough?

I went home and vented my artistic frustrations on paperbags and paper, making two pigs, one hippo and a species-confused bear. Doesn't anyone want to come and play?

Fridays have continued to prove cynicism-inducing. An ardent follower of freud, my enthusiatic lecturer tried hard to end the world by declaring love a form of transference. Transference is when you project the feelings you have for one person or relationship onto a new relationship simply because you see similarity from the previous relationship in the new one. Apparantly, that's love. When you love someone or are fond of them, it's because you were fond of someone before that reminds you of them. Ask, then, why the God of heaven would die for us, when we were the only race he made, the only beings he created in His likeness? He didn't have anyone to compare us with- He IS love. How the world has degraded this- reducing love to a result of unconscious mind-workings and response contingencies. Is this all love is? A phase, a fad, a regret, a drunken brawl? =(

I know I've been really awful these few days. Some of the things I say don't come out nice at all- I am so perturbed and mean and overworked. Cynicism 371 on friday isn't good for the soul.

Embers and Envelopes- Mae
We write to apologize.
We ask to look past life as it goes by.
I know you have sacrificed time,
life, love, time to fly.
Please consider all things trite,
forgiveness will be the thing that gets us by.
I know to have something like this
broken is hard to fix.

Embers, we're burning bridges down.
Envelopes stuffed with feelings found.
To write this down as means to reconcile.

We write to patch things up,
maybe not to agree but to proclaim love.
Let's look ahead and then we'll see the one
whose glory never ends.
And based on that we'll see,
there'll be room for change, but gradually.
I know to have something like this
broken is hard to fix.

If all is said and done and over,
if we don't have to, we're not going to.
Make the change, it's worth the try.
What's broken can be fixed tonight.

Things have been flying past me- I can barely make out life as it passes me by. I'm not too satisfied with that. I guess the 4th years were right when they complained about the workload. At first, it was pretty easygoing, but that's changing. I know I'm floating alright right now, but I think I'm not doing too great when it comes to other things. Like cars. I SO got caught for speeding. And plus the almost-accident, I really must be more careful. I was driving tired both times- something that seems to be becoming inevitable because of my hours and clinic. Thursday and Friday become these really intense two days that are very painful on the brain. I really want to do what I used to do: Just turn into a hermit and isolate myself to finish my work, but I think that door is closed. I'll have to do it God's way this time. I'm dying to shop as well. I haven't been shopping or out for fun in weeks. Cell doesn't count anymore. I'm not having fun. AHhhhh... God, help meeeeeeee. Do you want to start on my self-evaluation checklist or would you rather do my session plan? Ok, you can supervise both then. =)

unpoetic melancholy

I nearly got into an accident today. After telling Ah Girl that I was going to pick up Ger and her parents, I got lost turning onto forrest road. And someone from a smaller junction on the left decided they wanted to turn onto the road I was on. So it was a near head on collision, and if i had not stopped in time, it sure would have been. It is a good thing I had not been driving any faster than I was going, for she stopped inches from the front of my car and we stared at each other. Strangely, no one honked. Maybe I did, but I was too scared to notice. There was a foreboding silence before I backed up and she zoomed off, claiming way to that which was not hers. Maybe she was in a hurry, but because of that, Ger had to call Adri to pick her parents up, and I went home and slept a couple of hours before waking and feeling better. Ger and Adri came over after to see how I was, and I'm only just starting to wake up a little more to this strangeness. I hate it, it feels so awful and dark.

I wonder what would have happened if I really collided with her. I wonder why I feel such a deep sadness. Did something happen to someone? Why am I so sad for no reason?

I thank God for the people around me. What a weird time this has been.

People rebel against seasons, against all things all the time- we're always fighting something: fatigue, ignorance, emotion, the physical laws of nature. And today is just another day I need to press on. But I have my secret weapons, so watch out, world. I've got a Dad that defies the natural laws of anything.

Shane & Shane

Fringes

He stretches out the north over empty space
And hangs the earth on nothing
And how faint a word we even hear of Him
And yet- our eyes and ears and
minds get all the candy

I sing for grace
For grace it lets me sing
And all I've ever seen or heard
Or haven't seen or heard
It's His
There is no other
All of this is but the fringes

And these are but the fringes
And all the world hinges
On His grace and on His word
He speaks things into being
And the spoken things revealing
The glory of our God and King

I'm stumbling upon things that aren't mine
All the things He spoke to life before time
Name one thing that's not
One law or thought
He taught the clay
Molded it
Behold, He called the sheep
That's why they came
Sheep who by grace got a peep
And made it cheap by calling it mine

Job 26:15-17

I just came home from Geraldine's convocation. It's 12.37, and my mind is full of thoughts still.

Of course, Congrats to the Graduate! (I'm the graduhungry, when's my turn?) I'm so glad that you are finished with this studying business! On to new things, my dear! And I must say you looked very stylish and modish. As usual, of course. And as usual (as Ellie noted), you got "married" all over again with the phototaking.. ahaha. but it's your day! And I'm glad you enjoyed it dear!

I'm addicted to Mae, thanks to Esther. Checkout at www.purevolume.com/mae . You can stream direct from there. My fave is Tisbury Lane. I'm also addicted to Starfield and Shane & Shane. Shane Bernard is really really good. I'm turning into some kind of pseudo rocker chic. SAVE ME!

I can't wait to graduate. But it's just a degree right? I guess I am just getting sick of all this studying and for once I actually see the end in sight! I've got stuff to prepare for clinic on Thursday, Assignments to do and.. erm. A pseudo-social life? Mostly I hang with Jola. and Duckie. But also the occasional homosapien. It shocks me. Haha.

People have been stressing. I've been seeing/hearing things that are not easy on the eye or ear lately. Life isn't always rosy huh? Sigh. Keeping you in prayer, people.

Tisbury Lane- MAE

She greets the day with her hair wet
She asks them to vacate the building
Because she's got a plan they don't know yet
And if it goes wrong, there'll be no one to see

Do do do do
Do do do do
Do do do
Do do do do
Do do do do
Do do do

If she could just get the word out
God knows she's trying
They're watching her with eyes closed
She's always stuck with the old route
Does anyone knock when they barge in to beat her down?

Will you come back?
It's all she wants to know
She knows she's part of the problem too
Could she let it go?
It'd take a miracle
So that's what I'm praying for

No one can know just how she feels
She won't use the phone, she's too tired to pick it up
She's going back to the old way
She sits in the classroom to learn with the others

Do do do do
Do do do do
Do do do
Do do do do
Do do do do
Do do do
Do do

Please don't give up when it's easy
Don't you know that me and Jesus will cheer you on?
He's the only one that will be constantly everything you need

Will you come back?
It's all she wants to know
She knows she's part of the problem too
Could she let it go?
It'd take a miracle
So that's what I'm praying for

Yeah
She lives on Tisbury Lane (2x)

Lots of love to the people who need this most. That means you, you and you too.

Farces

I was driving to Esther's place for cell at a leisurely pace and enjoying very much the sky that was layered in an impressive color coordinated manner. God was so present at that moment, and life was really very very good just then. I realised that if I looked at just part of the sky, it would not have impacted me as much, and that made me think about how we may not always see the big picture, but when we see the smaller pictures God shows us, we shouldn't doubt his perfect plan which is really very pretty to behold in the end.

And I was listening to 92.9 at that present moment, singing a very dumb song simply because it was playing.. My mind processed the lyrics and I silently abhored the concept it proposed. "I see you looking at me and you already know I want to love you." How can one love someone else just by looking at them. The raw implication of lust shoddily blanketed by the word "love" was just unconvincing and plainly distasteful. The subscription of the human mind to such is the work of deception.

I love passing by houses with kids playing outside. There's a sense of lost innocence that wisps by as you pass the children and you are half tempted to join in. I want to be young like that again. I want to believe the world is all I thought it to be, but I don't want to live a lie either.

MiloDino has gone for youthcamp. (==( come back soon, I mwishh u.

Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on a wire

Suddenly I see

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see

Suddenly I see

None of the song makes sense to me, I just like the tune. And KT Tunstall has always been a peudo-jazzy person so I don't mind it. Better than the cheese banana song! (right, Ger?) Well, heaps busy these days, but not too busy to make up names for the people around me.

Esther is Chillitoasttoe
Zak is Chocomaggie Boogerboy (for politically incorrect reasons)
Fish is Cuddlefishpop Shitake(r)
And I have been christened Cheesekuehlapis Button Drunkopoco (also for very irreverent reasons)

I love these funny names.

Hip Mo' Toast @ The Circus/ Circular Park

The Jazz festival on the 180307 was awesome. It will be the last gig I attend with Ger in a while, and while that thought is a pretty sad one, I love that it was just us two and that we were able to go for something so awesome before she leaves. I love all these pictures- so whimsical and the truth is, whenever these gigs come around, they leave an air of surreal dreamyness that makes life very sweet.

We couldn't find the place at first. No one in Burswood seemed to know where The Circus, or Circular park, was. Some little birdie (Esther's Sean) told us it was off Vic Park Rd. So we hunted for a good 45 minutes in the hot sun before finding it. But boy was it worthwhile. The big 14 piece band was playing, with 3 trumpets, 2 trombones, 3 saxes, 1 bass sax, 1 bass, 1 pianist and one drummer. How awesome Libby was on vocals as well! And she's pregnant! She looks about 6 months on, and to sing for about 2 hours like that is pretty awesome.

Jesters, Clowns and Mime Artists were the unsuspected attendees that made the gig so pleasant. The atmosphere was surreal. It was a posh residential area, complete with snooty overpriced cafe and water fountain to boot. The Mime Artist spoke to us after the show, and we found in him a nice, placcid gentleman, soft spoken and bright eyed. Darrian was a schoolteacher in Ireland for a while, and he had come back to perth to make his living as a Mime artist because he made more money that way than being a school teacher! Some evil scottish person stole him from us, and we had to go because the hot sun was rendering us goo by 4 pm. So Ger and I stole off, intoxicated with the wonder of this surreality.

So I gleefully uploaded my pictures, and I'm getting ready for two days of non-uni (my weekend starts tomorrow). It's peaceful now, albeit a little noisy outside. My Dino is making cute little snoring noises and his rythmic breathing is quite tranquil. I'm glad he's asleep, and it's nice that I get to spend time with him in this funny way because we are so far apart. I don't think people on the same piece of land get to do this. snore away, dino.. it's the sweetest sound I've heard all day. =)

To my cuddlefishpop: I'm glad you're still alive and kicking! I missed you lately and I was wondering if you had really become completely enamoured with the Tboys. Wahaha. How is it, living the high society life with them in tokyo? Are you going to sing me a song about living there? *winkwink* I wonder if you know how they live in tokyo....

I want to float away like a leaf on the water. Float forever and ever and never come back.

Smitten

I had forgotten how loosely we used these English words until I remember today that the original meaning of smitten (from, to smite) is really to deal a blow. Nowadays, we just say, "You must be so smitten with him!" Or, "She's already smitten." And I had lost it's true negative context in the hustle and bustle of rising colloquialism.

I know I haven't been very thoughtful in my entries at all lately; mostly I just don't want to think. Or, I have nothing to think about. The truth is, it only thrills me to write when a particular concept or idea appeals to me, or is revealed to me. I muse over it and turn it over in my mind until I am happy with the result of my inspections, then I slowly put that into words. Lately, I've just been writing mundane rubbish, which, as Ger pointed out, is really a waste of my time and yours.

I've discovered a few things today that did appeal, however. The first is that the theory of behaviorism seems to be present in the old testament, but no longer in the new. It's as if we've found a better way to do things after Christ's victory over death. Perhaps this is why the idea of behaviorism appeals to me but I simply cannot conform to it. They were halfway there, they were. But science cannot accept the existance of a creator God who is sovereign. And that is why cognitive behavioral therapy, client centred therapy and these psychodynamic theories annoy me. I am subjected to extended lectures on these points, yet the more is said the less I am able to justify their use and their remediative effect. The more I am convinced that they're missing something, and that science is just too objective to accept the truth of it all. The law leads to death, but in grace I have been given life. What will they make of that? What do I make of these therapies that are self-centred, people-centred, help-centred and conformity-centred? I have no faith in these things, yet they talk about 'faith' and 'belief' in a scientific way that does not encompass it's definition. God, please help me find a way to work in my professional life that will reflect a different set of inner workings and beliefs.

Your value is reflected in how much someone is willing to pay for you. And if your creator, if the God of the universe, the deity that owns everything is willing to give up everything to redeem you while you were still his enemy, then I reckon you must be pretty pricey. And that is your true value: what your redeemer says you are, you are. And He thinks the world of you. Literally.

I can't stop eating chocolate now. Ger's just gone home and I realise now how much the camaderie between us means. The last time I remember feeling this way was when Lydia and Rachel were around. I miss you girls so much, even though I don't say so enough. Thank you, you three women, for each taking the time to know me, taking the time to banter and have our own special inside jokes, having mindless fun times and deep ones too, taking time to do nothing with me (and the TBoys), giving me space when I've needed it, and just being with me in all our different moods.

Ger.. Don't go lah. hurhur.

AAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGHHHHHHHH

YOU ARE EVIL AND PRIMARY SCHOOL-LIKE.
I THINK YOU NEED TO TAKE A HIKE.

I had a great day at the beach, though.. I had a great exfoliation from the sand. =)

Thank you for my wonderful roses! Zoo be zoo be zoo!

Rhetorical Challenges.

Seen either as immature or over confident, the reputation and long standing history of rhetorical challenges have done little to provide worth to it's continued existance. Nevertheless, we forget one aspect of it that redeems it's existance- the declaration of the surety of hope and the proclamation of victory to come. "The Lord is my light and salvation. Whom shall I fear?" You'll find that the darkness you speak into becomes suddenly empty, and no longer confusing or scary. When you step into it, it becomes bright- a ceremonious dawning of light not unlike a sunrise. And the surety of victory to come asserts itself as near. What comfort I may take in the presence of my God.

p.s. After watching the illusionist, Oscar Wilde comes to mind. Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

The Next Morning.

Yesterday was a flurry of lunch, study, dinner, bollywood and Mahjong. I enjoyed very much the company of Chilli Padi after lunch, and I'm ever grateful for her presence and the Lord's providence through her. Then the crazy taitais-mahjong queens came over and we played till one am. It was pretty awesome.. And Ger stayed over after that.

She had work at 7.30 am and we slept at 3.30 am, so when her alarm went off twice this morning I went to get her out of bed but the snooze button got the better of us both. I rolled over with some intention of getting up but that backfired and I decided another 32 winks wouldn't hurt. Eventually we got her to work on time, and she made me a beautiful beautiful cup of mocha from the law cafe! I found it funny that we were both very sehh until the caffiene woke us up suddenly. Xiongxiong was also very sehh when I called him- I found that very funny too. Maybe everything seems funny when you're tired.

I had to water the garden, so I left Ger to her work in the cafe. After I watered the front and back, I decided that since the hose was out, I should wash the car. The caffiene carried me through nicely and I was pretty high and got my uni prep done, but now it's all winding down and I don't feel like vacuuming the house. Plus, I have to cook tonight and the shops aren't open! So Daddy and Mommy dearest, what shall we eat?

I've kept the radio on this whole time- it's sort of like a little bit of the outside world, or a little extra noise so the house doesn't seem so quiet. I guess I'm in the mood for company. Gwen Stefani's Sweet Escape is so overplayed now. But I like Silverchair's Straight Lines, even though the lyrics don't make sense to me. Plus they're depressing. It's just the way it sounds that's nice.

I get to catch May tomorrow, 10 am. Then I tutor at 5.15. I hope class today isn't boring. I don't really like Clinical Science tutes anymore.

Ger gave me a muffin before I left, so I've been provided Lunch! =) I shall go shower now, seeing as I am dirty from car-washing and garden-watering.

Biography lends to death a new terror- Oscar Wilde

Dear Old Oscar, ever the grouch.

I was driving home after dropping Ger off, not thinking of anything much in particular when Savage Garden played on the radio. Crash and Burn is in my mind of a different era, and it brought back primary school & early secondary school memories. Although fuzzy, they've become a sweeter sepia that I enjoy with a greater deal of nostalgia than should be credited to them. It's amazing how much I associate with songs- people & stages in my life. It also shows how much older I've grown, that now when Gwen Stefani plays on the radio I think of cadbury chocolate.

I only just got home, my last late night of gallavanting before work starts to pile up. Dinner ended well, although Mundaring was a terribly far-away suburb, and going to the restroom was a cause for concern with Dark Corners everywhere. BUT, the pizza is really suberb- I recommend Jane's Addiction! My tummy recommends it too. Ger and I went to Ellie's to dryswim for a while and that was really relaxing because we could all just go whacky. With 20 odd people at the dinner table, one tends to try to maintain self-composure. After a while, that tends to get stuffy. So 5 girls in one house with Ellie's Blanket under the mahjong tiles was really nice.

I am really grateful to GerryBerry for her company and her endless humor. I don't want to think she'll be going back anytime soon. Babe, you're an awesome GalPal and I love you heaps!

Crash and Burn wasn't a big hit with me back in my younger years, but it certainly left an impression. This song reminds me always of my Art Soc President who was a fantastic still-life artist and probably could make her money that way. She was mad about Darren Hayes and I will never forget the time she actually got the chance to meet him! She was so excited and walked 5 feet above ground in school for weeks after the interview!

Then she reminds me of Xin Hui, who could probably make her money drawing manga. Then that reminds me of Joy Goh who reminds me off the concourse in school which reminds me of Mr. Joseph Tham and Tinky Winky, and that reminds me of the school notice boards and Joanne, and that reminds me of ZX and Liren and the school water coolers and that in turn reminds me of a whole heap of other things.

I feel like going back there for a while- just a short while just to feel what it feels like, but the past is one place I can't visit even if I had all the money in the world. And maybe that's why millionaires aren't happy people.

Crash and Burn

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know that you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take it anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

I woke up to an empty house today. I can imagine what things will be like when the folks go on holiday, hyah hyah. Actually, I think I'll end up making a mess, but I'm not saying anything just yet. Except,

PARRRRR- TAYYEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! I mean, Esther & Tash, would you like to stay over?

Just puzzle pieces.

Occupational Hazards.

Becoming a speech therapist means that one becomes particularly attuned to other people's speech acts. This isn't beneficial when it means suffering varying side effects such as saying "hospital" instead of "hotel" (semantically, I assume it's because people live in those places). Of course, when I had to listen to an extended monologue from a particular personage with a lateralised S, I strained my ears and repeated words under my breath until I figured out what the problem was.

I told my father when he came home today that so-and-so had a lateralised S and he was like, "You mean they have a flat bum?"

*leng feng chui guo* Someone needs to write into the scientific community and edit some of these terms.