Monday, October 31, 2005
Thursday, October 27, 2005
*waves pompoms**squeals**runs around cheerleader style*
Go Chounai minna san!
Mitei-chan ga yatte kuru!
Kawaii o furimaki~
Mitei- chan go yatte kuru!
HAI HAI HAI HAI HAI sono KIMI!
Kono sen kara haitcha dame!!
Because she . Belongs . to . ME! and phish!
Translation:
Everyone in the neighbourhood!
Lydia is coming!
Spreading her cuteness~
Lydia is coming!
HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY YOU there!
You musn't cross this line!
Because she . Belongs . to . ME! and phish!
Originally written by Tendo Nabiki for Tatewaki Kuno, but hey, a little mod couldn't hurt~!
Kunou: Tendou Nabiki, boku wa konna toujou no shikata wa shinai.
Kuno: Tendo Nabiki, I won't come on stage like that.
*falls of chair in joyful bliss*
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
kk, going to go library to shikkari! benkyoshimasu! Jaa~!
Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi.
Mononoke Hime.
Tonari no totoro.
Hauru no ugoku shiro.
Kaze no tani no Naushika.
Joe Hisaishi is a genius!!! *squeals like a mad fan girl* After Hauru no ugoku shiro, I began hunting down the OSTs to Miyazaki's movies, and I have concluded that the only chance I'll ever get near one is in singapore. Kino, don't fail me now.. *scribbles shopping list furiously*.
You know, you can tell when it's genius. It's genius when he doesn't need to use words, when the message he conveys is quintessentially in the feel that he creates.. Maybe Hisaishi decided to let Miyazaki do the talking, but Miyazaki's work would simply not be the same without the amazing, timeless work of hisaishi. *swoons* I guess his work is made all the more amazing by the fact that I have such a problem getting my hands on it! *meh-_-*
Oh, and I found a ranma song in my old collection! It's called Kuno-chan ga yatte kuru! And when I played it, I started laughing.. reminds me of the good old Ranma days.. kekeke.. really thankful for this CD my cuz left for me when I came to perth~ it's got good memories..ureshii^^!
yareyare. It's going to be November soon! One year has slipped past me and I haven't known it. It's strange how things change so drastically in a year or two.. you think that some things never change, but when they do.. well as they say the only thing that's certain is change. I wonder what being 18 will be like. Dear God, make my 18th year a useful one to you ok?
One of my coursemate's children was so cute.. she took a towel and put it round her shoulders and exclaimed to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, I'm wonderwoman. And I wonder about Everything!" Gotta love kids. =)
I love fish too. Hahaha. *brandishes fork*
Singapore is calling me already. I feel it. Oh wait, that's my stomach.
Mr Deja Vu, kimi ga inai.
torimodosenai zureta jikan wa mou makimodosenai.
wakateru? wakateru?
The contempted humdrum of recent will turn golden.
A bright, sparkling, dazzling life-embraced golden.
Watashi mo shinjiteru?
Shinjiteru?
Step, step. Cautious, tearful.
You can't walk on water if you're scared.
Tell me again.
Walk by faith, not by sight.
Shinjitai ne.
Shinjitai.
Shinjiteru.
Anata wa watashi no Kami kara.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Do you know that these days, scuffling has been refined and is now at it's peak? To be sure, one used to have to go to the library to dig for books one needed, hide other books and bore gimlets into the girl with the glasses who walked innocently out of the library with the books you needed. Today, however, with the sophistication of technology one can simply, with the viscious tap of a mouse, have a book recalled anonymously. No more scuffling, no more glaring. Just click. Instead of rushing to the library the minute your unit outline comes out, you recall the books you want in the comfort of your own home. Click. *smirks*
Sleepy.. Assignments due on the 4th. shikkari ne.
[Is 7 closer to 8 or to 6?]
Monday, October 17, 2005
The Ides of March are Come (15th March, XX b.c.)
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Ew.
I miss home. I'm really sadded.. Jaded.. and all the rest of it.. my only consolation is that I've no school till thursday.. it might give me enough of a break to finish my work.
Ya, so I know people read this thing.. I thought it was just the babes at first, then I realised that it was more than that.. which makes me hesitate to post what I really feel. I haven't gotten into trouble with it.. but I don't feel like doing that. Not so free, you know?
It's 11.. should I make a call home? I haven't for ages, and I miss people who know me.. who understand.. and for all that, who can just love me. I'm seriously dissapointed, and although it doesn't really hurt, it's just.. upsetting. Then again, I don't like giving them the satisfaction of seeing me cry. And so I haven't. So there. Ain't gonna give ya whatcha want.
Dear God.. I know of your graciousness and your love.. and I want more.. In a time like this, I want more all the more. You lift me up, I'll rise above.. I know you're wanting me to pass another one of these life lessons.. I wanna make it work this time, and I refuse to give in! Keep me going.. you're the only one who does that! Love you!
[schweet dweams!]
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Yeah, always.
I'm so not in the mood.. Those who know, know already.. that I'm just coming to pieces like flaky paint off the wall. Those who don't, well prepare to meet Oscarette, the grouchess. (Grumpily married to his dustbiness, Oscar the Grouch. All hail the trash.).
Maaaaao.. you've done it again. arigatou~ and arigatou to stevie too~! Warhahahaa. You're a real MGF. And Stevie's a... well.. aaah. a. haha. Stevie likes lettuce sandwiches. did you know that??
Okae la.. I need to go.. you know, clean out my trach can mansion.. see you guys.. love y'all in SG.. really miss you guys now. Could do with a starbucks green tea frapp.. and good company.. that doesn't cause cardiac infarction. So jaded..
[Your true colors are blue, black and green.]
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Yeah, so I finally had the chance to move in slow motion today: I went to drop off my books at the library. It's been the first time in days, since Thursday to be exact... Took a nice slow walk to the car with Language Development and Language Disorders (Bloom and Lahey, 1978) and I could almost cry. So I got back into fast mode.
And although I was madly raving about my finished assignment, I actually hadn't.. because I had to edit everything this morning. I'm getting so tired of this; why is my only solace becoming study and Him? Since when did study come into the picture? It's pushing Him out of it: I study to keep my mind off things I can't handle, and I look to a piece of scrap metal with junk parts to keep me sane? Oh dear God, the vices the devil can use...so sneaky.. and yeah, it IS my own fault I've been so tired and insanely antisocial... I guess I am a perfectionist just like my ma said.. I guess I shouldn't keep asking for these scores.. but dear God.. you've given them to me before, many many times, and you've promised to be faithful even when I am faithless [2 Tim 2: 11-13]... I just can't seem to settle for less, can't seem to let it go... Have I really lost it? I've come to the point where I am willing to forgo a social life, food and sleep just to finish all the work I have. Since when did work become so important? Dear God, I'm just shaking in my boots here...I know you're in control because if you weren't, there were many times in the last few days when I would have just fallen apart.. I see your hand in my life, so I'm going to trust you and let that be that ok? (So easy to say type.. so hard to do...)
You know how people go into that weird mode when they're stressed?? Like how some of us revert to childhood to escape from studying temporarily? And start reading Enid Blyton? I think I've discovered an alternative form. I've begun to crave music that I associate with Lydia and Rachel... For Lydia it's stacie orrico.. because I played it so much in my room in Singapore and somehow memories always come with that CD... and for Rach it's obviously Christina Aguilera! It's like comfort music to me.. I did it unconsciously for a while, but I've begun to realise that I run back to the familiar for comfort. And that is SO bad. I remember a conversation with Jon that I had about this. And he was sufficiently harsh with love (which is not easy to be and I like his being so; He's one of the few who have been genuine about it) in telling me that I cannot look back! Cannot! Cannot be the Israelites who wanted to go back to Egypt, cannot be Lot's wife... Cannot be a salty pillar.. So true. So hard.
Been getting flashbacks again.. My house, Lydia, Rachel, Joanne, LC, Melvin, Gramps, ZX, 4C, tuition, humidity, MRTs, Buses, Calvary AOG, roads, pathways, Booya, routes, AHS, TM, Eastpoint, Prom, Camp, leaving, phones, ringtones, school uniform, Dates, events, people, clothes, smells. It's funny how when I get flashbacks I seem to lose the memory after a while, then it hurts less and less.. maybe it's God's way of helping me let go? Am I the only one who thinks of home? Who wants the old times back? Feel so odd now...
Ok, so I know I'm ranting. I suppose when all this is over and I read this 5 years down I shall be disgusted at myself, but there's no point lying to myself that I was all that organised and zoomed through uni like it was primary school. But as Josh says, some things are better left un-remembered.
I thought about it today: I've learnt to retreat, and it's become a reflex I've trained since last year when I came. In Singapore, whenever anything was wrong, I would talk to someone about it.. In Perth, more and more I've just shut up about it. More and more, that smiley face, that thickened facade appears, stiff and drippy, and although I hate it, it makes me feel safe. Perhaps it's only because i haven't felt secure enough to let down my guard except with one or two people... but then again, there's nothing like my two babes, Jo, Josh, Deb, Mandy, Melvin and Gramps, you know?? There's no denying: you all are IRREPLACABLE...
[Mercies New][Nichole Nordeman]
By endless distractions and lovelier attractions then
Or fairer still, my own free will
Is the better one to blame for this familiar mess
I've made again
So I would understand if You were out of patience
And I would understand if I was out of chances
Your mercies are new every morning
So let me wake with the dawn
When the music is through or so it seems to be
Let me sing a new song, old things gone
Every day it's true, You make all Your mercies new
The distance left between East and West
Is how far You would go to forget the debt I'd owe
And thrown into the sea, the wicked ways in me
Will never have a chance to wash back on the sand
So I would understand if You would make me pay
I would understand lying in the bed I made again
Your mercies are new every morning
So let me wake with the dawn
When the music is through or so it seems to be
Let me sing a new song, old things gone
Every day it's true, You make all Your mercies new
Up comes the sun on every one of us
Gone, gone, gone the guilt and shame that knew Your name
Your mercies are new every morning
So let me wake with the dawn
When the music is through or so it seems to be
Let me sing a new song, old things gone
Every day it's true, You make all Your mercies new
[Secret Keeper, Molder of my dreams, I love you...]
Monday, October 10, 2005
Dear God, I THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for getting me through today! It is 1.23 am and I have finally finished my 40% assignment! Yes, there were casualties (such as a small amount of my sanity.. my social life on Sunday forgone today, lack of exercise since Thursday, a bit of blood.. nothing much.) I think I've paid a relatively ok price to get this done, and it is God's one day of favor that has reduced 6 days of work to one day~! Oh yes, I can breathe and it feels good. (Oh wait, the corset is still tied tight.)
Ok, so I still have work to do, but hey! This one finished assignment makes things feel good.. I've got a test this friday, a 70% assignment to finish by the 4th of Nov and a presentation this wednesday that I still have to script. I'll do that tomorrow morning. For now, the relief is tremendous; I could cry. I HAVE cried! My goodness, what shameful, wasted tears shed! For what? For PAPER. For a NUMBER. Sara, where are your priorities? There are more worthy things to cry for..
Anyways, I must say my thank yous. MELLY! haha, you don't know how much encouragement you gave me girl.. God used you in such a timely way and I am very very thankful that you came along today to brighten my day.. Thank you so much for your cheerful disposition, for your love, acceptance and generosity. It means so much so much to me, especially today when I needed it. LOUISA! haha, hey babe, for always being there, for always giving me that support to lean on, you're absolutely wonderful.. Thanks for taking the time to listen to me (even when I'm crazy) and for proofing my work! AAAH you're just God's blessing and I appreciate you! I don't know where to begin with your friendshipness... (my grammar's leaving.) Yeah.. and PAPA.. haha, your spongebob madness cheered me up~! Thanks!
p.s. to TRACY too.. hey dear thanks for the note, you're so thoughtful!!
kk gtg slpp~! taa!
Saturday, October 08, 2005
I love the old. I love the feeling that comes with it. I love the rustic knowledge of whispered secrets and old winds blown. I love the sound of that guitar. I love the way it's grown to know its sound. I love the way it plays its best with ease. And although the occasional tear comes golden, embedded, and bronzed with these memories, I treasure them all the more.
Time heals all wounds, time blurs memory gently, familiar thoughts fade into a comfortable blur. Like fallen rose petals, my memories may not last the way I want them to, but they last in a way that is best for me. The ironies take out the pain of past mistakes, the flashbulb memories of big events put into place an eternal stamp of love.
Shades- darkening, lightening. ambiguity- ebbing, flowing. My hand moves, I am tempted to reach for what I cannot get back. For what is eternally lost to time will come back unwarped, and I will live it differently from how I remember it. No, it is the magic of time that works these wonders, and I must learn that this way is the best way to remember it all.
To all the people who are blazing memories in the scrapbook of my life, I am truly thankful for your love...
This nostalgia has reason. This nostalgia... if it lasts, may not be healthy. But I have a feeling it won't. =)
Deer... Can't wait to see you.. I miss you so bad girl..
Maaaaaaaaaaaaao, thanks. You're the best.
[ichogo no yume]
Oh ya, Maaaaaaao, if you're reading this, I'm way too wasted and dead gone to even reply you tonight but I think I should be able to sort my schedule out by tomorr and give u a ring. (I know I keep saying that but I never perform. Gomene~) I can't believe I'm booked in from 9 am and I'm running on 4 hours of sleep. All I can say is that I can't be doing this by myself... It's God's sustainence and providence.
Oh dear God, please please remind me to do all the things that need doing~! please and thank you... going to sleep nows.. u take care of me k? I'll just close m y e y e s. . . . . . .
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Current love of my life: 8 books from Curtin and 12 from Murdoch.
I'm getting acquainted slowly but surely. I don't wanna be~! *wails* I wanna be in the sun having fun *wails more*. I dun wanna be doing this work~! What is with the stress, man?!?!?!
I think... I think I may have just... hai, never mind. Sad story. Suck it up, Sara, suck it up... There will be more.. There will be other times, other people... You know what you have to do, you know what you're already committed to do... (It's like you can't seem to un-commit) You told yourself to study right? Now you can't seem to do otherwise. Now you sacrifice so much for it. And people tell you that studying is worth it. I don't know that's true, but ask me tomorrow morning and I should have my head fog-clear to answer you.
Sara, sara... rasa, rasa... I miss being called that by SG people...
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Yes, that is all I have to say today, when I had so much to say this morning. And that is because I have to start on my assignment. One of Sara's best defense mechanisms against procrastination: sudden lack of imagination. Anyways, the presentation is next wednesday. I'll probably bounce back then. I had a sudden episode of gastic yesterday and it hasn't seemed to wear off. It's annoying~ and oww. Gastric always makes me feel fat. It makes me not want to try clothes when I go shopping. It makes me not want to eat and want to eat at the same time. I hate gastritis. *sighs*
No time no time! Haiii. Hassled. okae la, better settle it first. Why is this assignment so AMBIGUIOUS??? Brrr. I like my music- thanks Susu~!
[I don't want no scrub. A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me. *grinz*]
Just felt like posting a picture. I know it's too big. haha. I love Christmas!!!!!! *smooooooch*
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
UrGh. MEN. sometimes. EGO. Sometimes. SO SAD you know? All the women in the house, sing it! "There's just air under the hair. Suck it up and put a sock in it!"
No, no, nothing personal. The above comments are on a twice-removed basis. You know me, I'm straight. But yeah, when ya girlfriends get hit, sometimes you just want to bash the man that tried to trash them. *aims evil look*
On a more normal note, I had a glorious day of KP! (not kardinya park, Kim Possible. no one can stay in kardinya for that long!) I love KP now. My day started at 12 and I was lazily watching KP episode after episode until 4 when sparks called and I decided to get off my lazy bum and go for a jog. So we managed 1 hour including: drop off time for re-directed mail, 8 minutes of dizziness and pain from me, a visit to primula close to see tiffy and an'drew where sparks fiddled with (guess what's new) Tiffy's camera, and 2 sprints. All in all a satisfying run, and except for the 8 minutes of excruciation I was satisfied.
About jogging, I must say it seems to be something one does when one tries to take one's mind of the present, lose weight, or simply force one's willpower through contortions and carry it above one's head triumphant and utterly crushed about 200 m from one's house. I tried to do the latter 2, the loss of weight subject to further eating patterns and the crumpled willpower a treasured tradgedy. I tried to express myself about this while jogging but what was a very short story in my head suddenly unravelled into a confused twine of breathing muscles, lactic acid and exhaled air. I postponed my attempt to say anything more, and refused to think any more in case the thoughts should want to come out and I had no means of articulating them. So they have kept until now.
I had done about 20 minutes before feeling like I was about to blackout because the lights were blinking. It has never happened before and I am surprised. Must be lack of substantial food intake in the prior hours. And too much KP. My bad. Anyway, we were on the verge of walking home since my usual route takes 20 minutes anyway. But it was shortly after the lop-sided 'sullivan way' sign greeted me that I suddenly and gratefully recovered, and told sparks that I would do another 10. "That's cheating", I agreed, because stopping is cheating. And I don't know what kept me going, even though I was tired, and thoroughly unfit. A sucker for punishment? Maybe... but it sure felt good at the end. And while you're running, you're not sure if it's worth the pain, but once you're done you say it is. I'm such a here and now person when it comes to jogging. Haie. It's such a painful way to lose weight. I know so many other ways that would hurt less. Paint the house. Dance Dance Dance. Run around visiting people. Go SHOPPING!
Library outing for the family tonight, and I finished reading my biology. Shall now start on my HCS assignment. Looking forward to school tomorr! I like uni~! *cuddles* Sometimes.
Okae, before i bore you all to death with this hideously long post, I shall retire. To those of u who are already drooling on the keyboard, I'll say goodnight, and to those who made it here, congrats~! haha.
[Bata- back to school! I miss the old days.]
Monday, October 03, 2005
Scraped my knee coming out of the car.. my poor non-keratinised stratified squamous epithelium. I mean, ow, my skin.
It was a dull sort of day that wore well, but I've been too tired to do any work for real. Highlighted 2 more pages, some 40 odd more to go, and a HCS assignment chasing me and catching up too soon. Sighs.
Jenjen and I went to walk the greyhounds and they were frisky... cute things! I love em... now I know why people just wanna keep dogs and not marry.. men are too much trouble they say. My ma doesn't think so though. =) I wouldn't know. Still waiting for me and mine only.
How will I meet him?
Will I be walking my imaginary dog in the park when he comes along and our dogs tangle leashes? Will he offer me an umbrella in the pouring rain while waiting at the bus-stop for our bus? (haha, I dare not recall a certain minor in-see-dent in AHS.. with umbrellas) Will he offer me a ride home on the way from a concert when I've broken a heel? Will he be the one who picks up my books when they drop? (The last time I dropped a book in uni, someone laughed. Thanks ah.) Hahha, all these stereotypical imaginary notions are really not what I expect, but I don't mind a bus stop romance. *watches as rae's eye's widen in horror*
chocolates and flowers, dinner and dances... haha, maybe I should save it for the movies. I am admittedly an overly sentimental person (who is also over compassionate with dogs) and I suppose these things don't happen that much in life.. but one can dream, can't one? Mr. Right, Mr. Sweet, Mr. Cute, Lydia! What happened to all the other names? All I know, is that he isn't going to be Mr. Lee. I refuse to marry into the cake company.
*dancing, dancing.. floating off into-* poof~! okie, time to do work! haha.. Jaa!
[cinderella--][He gave me beauty for ashes.]
Saturday, October 01, 2005
I washed out my poster colors at the sink and the rice turned a churlish orange. OoOops. Anyways, impatient me couldn't wait for the paint on the paper to dry, and decided to go ahead with my origami, resulting in a small tear at the base. Sadded. But it still is very nice~! I'm going origami mad... I've been making this for 3 days now, and I've got 9 of the same thing, all different sizes. someone buy me 30 colored squares so that I can make a hanging one! haii.. paper is so expensive in Perth!
Haven't been in the writing mood for a while.. Just finished my biology notes, which is a decent achievement since this is my one week break. I've another set to do, and I hope to finish soon.. 42 pages of reading lei. I get so restless when I try. Not to mention my Human Communication Science is scaring me.. my presentation, log book, and exam.. Susu! Aren't you scared?
Haiya, I've played enough from friday to wednesday la. It's saturday and everyone is at the Perth Royal Show.. Didn't feel like going since I knocked out early this morning owning to a cruel dose of coffee- i stayed up all night doing notes. Hai. Dear God, help meeeee! my work is getting so much it's scary!
[DDR]
My three little cousins were DDRing at home, and I made good the chance to observe motor skill progress. Children are so smart! (Or, more likely, we just underestimate them a lot.) Nick, who is 6, jumped haphazardly all over the mat, and my father commented that it looked rather like Caesar's pet illness. (come on, you know this! It starts with an E) He was under the delusion that pressing the buttons harder would allow one to hit the arrows right, and also overestimated his skill in choosing difficult instead of standard. Cute, but one starts laughing too hard after a while. Zoe, 8, was the most skilled of the 3, owing to the fact that she had taken DDR lessons. (have u ever heard of such a thing?) I was amazed at her anticipation skills and agility. It goes to show: women have the floor. Literally. Jared, 10, preferred not to anticipate, and soon grew tired of it all. I should like to take them to an arcade some day.
[PtTth]
My head is fuzzy. Too much studying and too much coffee. Too much chocolate. Haha.. I shall go take a breeeeak. *exhales* Jaa!
[To Jen: starshine to earth, starshine to earth~ cheeeee do you read me?]