Monday, March 28, 2005

*-[blogsurfing]`+
Been blogsurfing again, and to my amazement found some very distasteful stuff. Shows what girls are like when they want to have their claws out. Indeed. Very very scary stuff. And I suppose a manicure is in order afterward. *shudders*


Been a tad anti these days. Maybe it's the french ennui, you know? I've been wanting to post, with nothing to say. Think I'll stick to reading blogs of people I don't know. They're like horror movies. *grins*


From Relient K's [getting into you].
i'm getting into you
because you got to me
in a way words can't describe
i'm getting into you
because i've got to be
you're essential to survive
i'm going to love you with my life

*-[The weeds in the garden]`+
The clothes hanging outside in the garden are surrounded by weeds. I wonder if the gardener's forgotten to come or if weeds grow twice as fast these days.


I'm all blue today. Feel like whining. Which reminds me... you know how my cousins *whispers* are a little bit bratty?? Well, we were supposed to have lunch with them in a restaurant the other night and we heard them whining from a distance before they even arrived. My dad said, "Looks like we get to whine and dine today." And I cracked up. *grinz*


I saw our pretty bear in the AHS yearbook today and I felt a caustic sort of evil rise from within me. Sort of like the kind you feel when you've drunk too much milkshake. He looked rather strange in that pose in the middle of the page. So I flipped a few pages down to find the sec 4 classes... and remembered the silly run ins we had with the people from other classes... the 'cute' guys we labelled cute because there was a shortage of cute people.. Wonder if Lyd still has 'Mr Cute' and 'Mr Sweet' in her HP.. suddenly remember the day she pranced into the class of glorious 4C in her sexy SYF costume... Hehehe. *boys drool!*


The exploits of those days are ancient now. It's so sad.. I want them back! Our flow, our knack for snarking, our overly sharp or lame tongues that made each other laugh, and our superior blurness! Our food safaris, our exquisite taste in cheap food.. wahaha. I miss those days, I really do. I recognise what needed to be changed in me in those days... but it doesn't change the fact that those were really fantastic days.


SiGh, I want SG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want NTUC and popular. I want TIME in Singapore. I have a bad case of the gimmes. =)

Saturday, March 26, 2005

*-[semi memorable pembrane]`+
Laugh all you want, because I did. My lecturer said this in Human Biology and I wanted so bad to crack up but since I was sitting in the front row I thought better of it. To make matters worse, I wanted to pee! and you know how it is with laughing and peeing... you have to pee before you laugh or else...


Anyhows Ashley looked at me and said, "Sara, do you wanna drink some water?" and I was like... "NooOoOOo!" And there was that shy evil grin from behind those bespectacled eyes... Ash~ You're naughty~!


kk, got to go for Mum and Dad's Anniversary lunch!! Seeyas! Jaa~

Friday, March 25, 2005

*-[Heritage]`+
I'm so glad I'm Chinese. No, not Asian, just Chinese. Being Asian in Perth is just accepting what people think of me- a stereotype. A homogeneous blending of yellow people, one no different from the other, uncouth and uncivilised. On the contrary, being Chinese is part of what God made me and I like the heritage. It's difficult to remember how it is like to be Chinese in a western culture- I'm being pushed and pulled to change in so many ways. I've forgotten what it's like to walk in the streets of old, and my heart breaks to think of the places that have taught me childhood and youth. I remeber the strict dictators of my primary school, the polka dotted skirt I endured, the bus rides in the school bus each morning, with the childish water bottles that came in 3 different colors hung around me unashamedly. Eventually that morphed into the normal plastic bottles we see everyday and it was only when I came to perth (and even then only thanks to Norris) that I have the honor of placing a silver XYQ bottle on my desk every morning. (It keeps me awake during lectures.)


I remember my old house so well again- it's as if something inside of me has suddenly woken up to my past, that rare glimpse of how things used to be, and I want to keep this moment forever. The smell of the primary school canteen- how I cringe at that ugly word. I hated the word 'tuckshop' as well.. even as a child I groped for something better to say, and when I came to Australia, found that the overrated 'cafeteria' and industrial sounding 'refectory' were only too polished and smooth to express my culture (not to mention my idea of food). I admit that in some ways we are people who tend to do things that we cringe at. Such as spitting in lifts, bargaining in a loud very uncouth voice and picking noses in the hawker centre with one leg on the chair. Not being guilty of any of these (and as most of my readers are also angels) I've often tried to hide, either in my own mind, or to other's impressions, the thought that my culture is one that engages in... such novel activity. Perhaps that explains why I was told along with Rachel in Singapore that I was 'Ang Moh girl' (another cringable word), and perhaps that is why I snubbed the poor man who poked a steak in my face and asked me "What done you want?" (I'm sure most of you know this story by now) Nevertheless I've found that what I was trying to hide has a sense of nostalgic beauty in it. The chestnut seller on the street. The trishaw man. The Sri Nada (Liren! Liren!) barber. The prawn mee hawker in a white translucent singlet and pot belly. Kopitiam boy (ZX). The auntie in the clothes shop that sold brands from the Qin Dynasty. The Butcher in the wet markets. The florist in the next stall who turned up her nose at him. All of this has turned sepia in my mind. I no longer remember in its entirety the true experience of being 8 in a tyrant of a school, nor do I remember clearly the hated trips to the wet markets. Oh what I would give to remember... I really want to go back to the time when I was 8...


I remember the bookshop in my primary school. I know the 'lao ban' was Mr. Lim, and that he never did quite charge us what was due. I remember the badly written primary school essays. I remember Mrs. Jane Tann in Pri. 4 who related the joys of pressing pimples to us. I remember most of all Mrs Stella Lee and Yang lao shi... Scatterbrained Mrs Lee, who used to pray for each one of us as we ran past her thinking her a tyrant during PE. Yang Lao Shi, whom the boys made cry... Even stationery comes to mind. The pencil cases. The brands. The erasers. The notepaper. Me and Samsam (okae, Samantha Lee to the AHS pple) used to split everything we bought 50/50. She was the only person I knew the chinese name of. Xin Lin. And I still remember how to write it. The promotion to the use of pen in primary 4. And all the cringable, unthinkable things come back to me now and I love them. I love my childhood (or, with the school system, one would say lack thereof). I would, if I could, watch the children come running out of school to their parent's cars. First question needs no guess: What's for dinner?? And later at home all the ku zhong of a young heart would pour out. An innocent heart knows no shame in tears. Homework piling, teachers scowling, petty arguments with friends... But when I think about it sitting outside a primary school remniscing is a bad thing... Things have changed, I've grown up... All that I want to make sure I remember is Ying Shui Si Yuan. Forget not from whence you came.


There were times in that same place I cannot forget. Across the road I played badminton. The manga buying sprees with Rach and Lyd.(Yes, it was star bookshop. I got Ranma there!) Rach, do you remember the day you stopped (near the time I left) and bought a type of chinese candy, pink and white and soft? I'll never forget that day. Perhaps because the time drew nearer for me to leave, but also because there were 3 of us together doing what we loved. Even after a year my heart is still mulling over these things, the loss of my life there still grieving. I wonder why.


I'll be missing you still, I'll be missing what was before, but I need to remind myself that life must move forward. Nevertheless I can't help but take the time to remember, because if I don't, I forget from whence I came. And that place is beautiful.


[Memories]

*-[Heritage]`+
I'm so glad I'm Chinese. No, not Asian, just Chinese. Being Asian in Perth is just accepting what people think of me- a stereotype. A homogeneous blending of yellow people, one no different from the other, uncouth and uncivilised. On the contrary, being Chinese is part of what God made me and I like the heritage. It's difficult to remember how it is like to be Chinese in a western culture- I'm being pushed and pulled to change in so many ways. I've forgotten what it's like to walk in the streets of old, and my heart breaks to think of the places that have taught me childhood and youth. I remeber the strict dictators of my primary school, the polka dotted skirt I endured, the bus rides in the school bus each morning, with the childish water bottles that came in 3 different colors hung around me unashamedly. Eventually that morphed into the normal plastic bottles we see everyday and it was only when I came to perth (and even then only thanks to Norris) that I have the honor of placing a silver XYQ bottle on my desk every morning. (It keeps me awake during lectures.)


I remember my old house so well again- it's as if something inside of me has suddenly woken up to my past, that rare glimpse of how things used to be, and I want to keep this moment forever. The smell of the primary school canteen- how I cringe at that ugly word. I hated the word 'tuckshop' as well.. even as a child I groped for something better to say, and when I came to Australia, found that the overrated 'cafeteria' and industrial sounding 'refectory' were only too polished and smooth to express my culture (not to mention my idea of food). I admit that in some ways we are people who tend to do things that we cringe at. Such as spitting in lifts, bargaining in a loud very uncouth voice and picking noses in the hawker centre with one leg on the chair. Not being guilty of any of these (and as most of my readers are also angels) I've often tried to hide, either in my own mind, or to other's impressions, the thought that my culture is one that engages in... such novel activity. Perhaps that explains why I was told along with Rachel in Singapore that I was 'Ang Moh girl' (another cringable word), and perhaps that is why I snubbed the poor man who poked a steak in my face and asked me "What done you want?" (I'm sure most of you know this story by now) Nevertheless I've found that what I was trying to hide has a sense of nostalgic beauty in it. The chestnut seller on the street. The trishaw man. The Sri Nada (Liren! Liren!) barber. The prawn mee hawker in a white translucent singlet and pot belly. Kopitiam boy (ZX). The auntie in the clothes shop that sold brands from the Qin Dynasty. The Butcher in the wet markets. The florist in the next stall who turned up her nose at him. All of this has turned sepia in my mind. I no longer remember in its entirety the true experience of being 8 in a tyrant of a school, nor do I remember clearly the hated trips to the wet markets. Oh what I would give to remember... I really want to go back to the time when I was 8...


I remember the bookshop in my primary school. I know the 'lao ban' was Mr. Lim, and that he never did quite charge us what was due. I remember the badly written primary school essays. I remember Mrs. Jane Tann in Pri. 4 who related the joys of pressing pimples to us. I remember most of all Mrs Stella Lee and Yang lao shi... Scatterbrained Mrs Lee, who used to pray for each one of us as we ran past her thinking her a tyrant during PE. Yang Lao Shi, whom the boys made cry... Even stationery comes to mind. The pencil cases. The brands. The erasers. The notepaper. Me and Samsam (okae, Samantha Lee to the AHS pple) used to split everything we bought 50/50. She was the only person I knew the chinese name of. Xin Lin. And I still remember how to write it. The promotion to the use of pen in primary 4. And all the cringable, unthinkable things come back to me now and I love them. I love my childhood (or, with the school system, one would say lack thereof). I would, if I could, watch the children come running out of school to their parent's cars. First question needs no guess: What's for dinner?? And later at home all the ku zhong of a young heart would pour out. An innocent heart knows no shame in tears. Homework piling, teachers scowling, petty arguments with friends... But when I think about it sitting outside a primary school remniscing is a bad thing... Things have changed, I've grown up... All that I want to make sure I remember is Ying Shui Si Yuan. Forget not from whence you came.


There were times in that same place I cannot forget. Across the road I played badminton. The manga buying sprees with Rach and Lyd.(Yes, it was star bookshop. I got Ranma there!) Rach, do you remember the day you stopped (near the time I left) and bought a type of chinese candy, pink and white and soft? I'll never forget that day. Perhaps because the time drew nearer for me to leave, but also because there were 3 of us together doing what we loved. Even after a year my heart is still mulling over these things, the loss of my life there still grieving. I wonder why.


I'll be missing you still, I'll be missing what was before, but I need to remind myself that life must move forward. Nevertheless I can't help but take the time to remember, because if I don't, I forget from whence I came. And that place is beautiful.


[Memories]

Monday, March 21, 2005

I feel much better after jogging. =) So I shall proceed to roll a Manzai Trio Chic Flick. Settle down with a bowl of popcorn, a coke and an empty basin (in case u puke while you gag) This one's rated (L) for LAME.


*-[Girl Power... the trio]`+
"I'm baaack~!" The door opened and sleek high heels clicked themselves off at the door. The figure in a smart no-nonsense business suit plonked a box on the table. Cheesecake. I looked up from my papers and pushed two stacks of transcriptions off my lap. "Hey girl! You're early!!" The pink pig bounced out of her pink room. "HaLlOws!!" She bounces in her pink tutu and twirls with a ribbon in her hair. She looks like an angel and you can't be sure she isn't one. "What's for dinner??? I'm huNgRy!" and she floats to the kitchen where she spots the box. Squealing.


And so at length the three of us sit down to dinner. "Sara, you're such a cannibal." "ya lor, I don't see how you can just eat yourself like that." To which I responded with a mouth full of cake, "shou? eet taaaes naiss wad." But that was where the trouble began. Doorbell and phone sounded at the same time. And since I was so busy stuffing my face, Piglet took the door and Phish took the call. "Hello?" Simultaneously. I looked toward the door and saw the delivery man.. the same delivery man that had delievered various random things to our apartment in the past week... ba kwa, sotong ink, BB, cadavers (wrong apartment) and last but not least... PMK merchandise. I squinted and stretched to see what today's was.. and Lydia turned back to the kitchen with 3 canes for the blind mice and powerpuff girl outfits. "Who ordered that?" I said sharply. "Oh, the canes were from Sotong... and I ordered the rest of the powerpuff outfits. We have a party on friday and I thought they would be appropriate." "What's the theme?" This was from Rachel whose eyes were popping out of her head and had covered the mouthpiece to interupt Lydia's party bliss. "Important people in history." *glares from other 2* Agitatedly, Rachel took her hand off the receiver and sighed, "Charlie, I'll call ya back."


Gathering round the outfits we decided that I wouldn't fit into any of them- the cut was too slim, and Rachel declared disdain... And thus the conversation turned to the phone call. "Charlie called? What for?" "Oh, he wants us to stand in again but I told him we were on vacation." "hah. Stand in? No way... They don't even pay us well man. I'd rather stay home and gorge." "Yeah! I thought we'd resigned anyway!" "Yeaaaah, but he's desperate. Drew got her foot stuck in the sofa and Cameron's gone off for cooking classes." "Well how much is he going to pay us? I thought he didn't like out dressing?""He's not offering much. I won't call him back." "Good, now can we eat again?"


And so the Manzai trio gorged on more cheesecake and decided to have an anime night and pig out in front of the TV with no more disturbances from the general public.


Ok that was SOOOOOOOOOO lame. It's not even funny. Just LAME. I don't think I should post it but hey I've already hit the wrong button! =) Cheers girls.

*-[Fat like a Fiend]`+
It amazed me how I could grow so fiendishly fat in such a short time... Then again, combine my extremely slow metabolism with the amount of chocolate and comfort food I've been stuffing my face with, I'm not surprised. And yes, for the record, I am ashamed of myself. So there.
On another note, it takes one to know one. Rach, did you know that I got so addicted to this link called spirit fingers on Ohamster's that I forgot to print my lecture notes? Obviously one good blogger knows another. I was so glued to the screen. I can't believe I read heaps of her backposts as well. I'm just trying to get my fingers to click on my lecture notes instead of her blog. She's got fantastic Engish even though she lives in HK... I'm suspecting foreigner. With a twinge of sarcasm. Ohamster's is more caustic but i like this link too.
I scared myself so badly on friday and only realised it today when Ash told me the Psych assignment isn't due next month, but rather in MAY. You dodo Sara! You nearly killed yourself trying to start that assignment and you still haven't done anything but it's all good.
Don't really feel like writing now because it's too hot for autumn and anyway I'm supposed to do something more productive than this. (In theory blogging doesn't rank very high in this area unless it's paid.)
Another theory is that I don't feel like blogging after reading these really yummy blogs because I sound nothing like that and I figure no one really cares what I do with my time other than waste it anyway. (no, not even me.)
With any creative juice I may return to contribute ideas to Rachel's heroic exploits with her fat and pink friends. Till then,
Jaa

Saturday, March 19, 2005

*-[inebriated]`+
Yoshi!!!!!!!!!! I have finally completed ONE measly assignment. Out of 3. I haven't done any reading or studying, and I have spent way too much time worrying over something so small. After all it's only 20% right? *hyperventilates* Hmm, at least I have a fantastic lecturer who answers my questions! Hehs. *sweat drop*
I'm tired~! Brain's fried... referencing causing stress. SiGhsIgH... I'm SO glad SOMETHING is finally done.. how did this all happen?
Thurs- realised that I should stop procrastinating and DL assignments. There were 3.
Fri- Spent a frustrating day in the lib (yes, both Curtin and Murdoch) looking for texts. Vinny was a real brick to drive me there and stuff. ThAnK YoUuU!!!
Saturday- spent the morning in freeo, finally got the fruit juice I've been craving, super big sunnies and one too many fruits. LyDiA! RaChEl! Must come freemantle okae!!!!!!!!!!! Then I spent the rest of the day PLOUGHING through the Human Com Science Assignment. =bleahz= I like the subject but I don't like paraphrasing and this whole referencing thing.
And since I'm already fried I shall go do my reading now. Wheee! Loving nerdiness~! *kisses books* *jumps around like a mad pig* *makes a few dozen pairs of specs* Madness.



[Gone Crazy- Back Soon... Wheee... speading the joy of homework madness~!]
Sounds familiar Lyd?
Rachel- BB rules. =smirks=

Thursday, March 17, 2005

*-[Slackers Inc.]`+
I received a letter this morning. Nothing fancy looking, just a plain envelope with an international stamp. It read: Dear Slacker, we are pleased to inform you that you've been moved up the ranks after we've reviewed your progess. We have tabulated your dilligence every year of your school life and found that in the last month or so, have consistently showed willingness to put your work aside in order to do nothing. You've also shown qualities that have allowed us to short list you for the slacker of the month award.. your progress has been significant, if not amazing and we would like to congratulate you but we're just too lazy to. Signed, (empty) President of Slacker's Inc.
Okae so I'm being lame. But seriously, I'm sitting here surrounded by 3 different assignments and I'm not doing anything about it. Except blogging, which in this case is non productive. Hurr. I'm tired, bored and constantly irate about small things (like our dear BB) and that dumb blue car in front of me the other day that kept BRAKING. And for some unknown reason everyone was very fickle about what lane they wanted to keep on and kept on filtering into the adjacent lane. Fickle Pickles. Just because I'm driving right?
I'm supposed to be doing work because I have to be in school by 4 (which means out of the house by 2.30) and I have to pay a visit to the very very senior citizens in the lab. I meant expired ones. man I still STILL can't imagine giving my body to science like that. Don't want my juniors poking at my lungs and commenting on the shape of my kidneys, or diving a hand into my gut to dig out a spleen. Oh look! Her appendix! Isn't that the quaintest thing? Ach. No way. *shivers*
Well, babes, I miss ya heaps and heaps... sighsigh. Rachel I tried to mention SOMETHING but he looked blur and I wasn't very successful in manuvering the conversation to make it ask what I wanted to know. I got as far as commenting about Jo and ZX and when their wedding was and when his would be. But either he acted blur or what lorr. I also want to know.. what if that person's an obasan??? HOHO. Like all his previous ones... OLD... ahahaaha... hope he doesn't read this rubbish. Ahahahahahaa. I was like gawking when I got your message in the 'silent' zone of the library la! hahaha. Lucky no one saw me. These nice little partitions rawk... =)
Jaa~!

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

*-[Waffle and Wag. Cause and effect.]`+
Let me explain this phenomenon using the very relevant example of BB. My dear BB lectured for the 2nd time today, and as if he hadn't caused enough of an uproar the last time, he annoyed us to no end today. He presented 3 slides that we didn't have in our notes as part of the "preliminary" lecture. He took 1 hour for 3 irrelevant slides. out of a 1.5 hour lecture. and when he started on the 27 slides that WERE in the notes, he skipped all the important ones and went right to the slide of the gory murder. Shoulda wagged. Su's so smart. Should have wagged. And what did he talk about for an hour on 3 slides? Concentrated orange juice and salinity! I thought I was in an environmental science lecture. So crap. So so crap. Therefore, he waffles, I wag. This is cause and effect. Annoying lei.
AnIwAes, I shall be cadavering tomorr. Wish me luck. haha.
Jaa.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

*-[Bimbotic Nerdhood]`+
It would seem a rather atypical oxymoron, nevertheless I've proven it's paradox. A bimbo can be a nerd. And I am a very frustrated bimbo right now. I'm also turning 3 shades of red from the stress and at this current point in time could KILL my computer for it's impudent insolence which I find unforgivable. I NEED to print notes. What part of NEED focuses on options? The lack thereof perhaps, but no other! *huffs*
I chanced upon Gore Vidal's books in the library as dearie Rachel reccomended, and found her instincts true. (I'll say it for her, "But of course~!") And other than the musty shelf devoid of human attention, the book was in good shape. I hitched it off it's shelf, dropped it, and checked it out. It was an unassuming book, humbly bound with an ostentatious GV in gold on the cover which, were I more of a bimbo, I would have assumed to be the history of Givenchy and it's fragrant start. (remembering, of course that this was all written in the 1950's.)
I've been a terrible crank lately, and I must apologise to my books, my toothbrush and most of all to the piano, inanimately speaking. People wise, I should say sorry to Su for being a grump, and to my much enduring mother and father (who I just shooed off the com so I could do my bio) as well as to my Human Bio lecturer to whom I directed my evils all afternoon. He can be a bit of a sote at times, but he really is harmless and very informative. =)
I must say a big thank you to Rachel- GV proved to be a good laugh and although I was condemned a nerd I continued my reading after his very exquisite choice of words made me crack up in the car on the way home. Nevertheless, I'm tired, and the neverending work is piling once again. I have the ardous task of distinguishing tissue types, and find histological slides rather... breathtaking suffocating is more the word we're after.
Again I must express my displeasure at these very stifling attempts to seem knowlegable by using unmemorisable words like histology (which is way to close to history for my liking). My lecturer was going to show us some histological slides.. now why couldn't he have said tissue slides? I know it makes him sound less clever, but I have enough problems dealing with single, stratified, columnar, cuboidal, spindle and squamous (like a squaw do you think?) to really process the word 'histological' to anything meaningful in my brain other than purple stained tissue. (Thinking of stained tissue paper is bad enough. This just makes things more complex.)
On Thursday I will have my first run in with the preserved, skinned people (aka cadavers) (see! These big words are so annoying). Well, I must prepare in advance for this momentous date (although hardly joyously) and I will stock up on the veges and eat as much meat as I can because I forsee temporary vegetarianism in the coming days. Woe to he whose eyes feasts upon meat. Don't say I didn't warn you.
=tra la la=
Jaa~ My nails are so ragged.

Monday, March 14, 2005

*-[Excuse me]`+
Well excuse me, you in the mirror, I couldn't help but realise you were a little distressed. What is it? Perhaps you're too fat.. I see it showing all over, every way you turn. Is that it? Well, you need to lose some weight. That's very apparant. What's that? You can't? Why? Compulsive eating? Tsk tsk tsk, someone like you should know better than that! You really should get yourself together- not that I'm being mean or anything. I'm really saying all this for your own good. Now let's start you on a diet pl- what? Say that again? That's a pathetic excuse! Simply pathetic. Depression can't be blamed for everything you know. I think you're just being irresponsible. And I thought you knew better than that. Oh so now you think I'm obnoxious. Well I was just trying to help. No one appreciates good help these days. Oh my, look at those arms. Are you sure you don't want me to draw up some diet plan for you? Now look here, I'm just trying to do what's best for you, no need to get all ruffled now, makes you look ugly. No, no, being frank never hurt anyone in the long run. Now, listen to me. You should, you know. I know better than you. And you better accept that. You'd be a snob not to. No one likes a snob. Well, look at yourself before you comment about me! What insolence! I'm not standing for any more of this nonsense. Not another word out of you! I refuse to give any more expert advice. Good riddance! And turn the lights off on your way out of the bathroom. =HmpH=
[Talking to myself is probably a bad thing right?]
*-[Everything you ever wanted]`+
Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain,
I'm so ashamed
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down oh no
So don't you bring me down today
To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
Is that the way it is
You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down oh no
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down oh no
So don't you bring me down today...
No matter what we do(no matter what we do)
No matter what we say(no matter what we say)
We're the song inside the tune(yeah, oh yeah...)
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go( and everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine(sun will always, always shine)
But tomorrow we might awake
On the other side
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down oh no
So don't bring me down today...
Don't you bring me down...today...
Don't you bring me down...mmmmm...today...


I've been singing this one with the piano. sa ji. It doesn't matter.. I just wanted to shout it out all over the place. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
Psych lectures drive me mad. I end up goggling with my eyes popping out of my head- I never realised humans were so brutal or could prove to be so evil. Zimbardo's prison study explains perfectly well that we're worse than we make each other out to be. I ended up writing crap notes like 'One person cried in the cell on the first day'. Ashleigh and Lucy were practically asleep by the time Mr. detailed-storytelling was done, but me being a nerd was quite captured by his explanation of the different gory experiments that will never be allowed again.
Not been my best these days, as one can see. A little white, perhaps, but not unduly so. I'll live. I liked Grace's plaintive entry about life and Brandon. It was very forlorn and made her seem like this petite chio bu pining for her hubby. (wait, she is right? what am I saying.)
I've been being rather unproductive- was supposed to go shopping for mummy's present but I stayed home to finish my work instead. Sigh. I NEED to get her that special something before next thursday. Which reminds me. $60 investment into dance lessons. MoNey mOnEy mOnEy.. sigh.
[sorry you can't define me
sorry I break the mold]
=hmph=

*-[Ingroups and Scapegoats]`+
I've been reading stuff in my textbook and trying to take notes. It's not going very well, and that's why I'm here again. And to make me look even more insane, I'm going to post bits of my textbook. ahaha. The joys of a sdren. I'm see-rye-ous. Well, no.
"All good people agree
and all good people say
All nice people like us, are We
And everyone else is They
But if you cross over the sea
Instead of over the way
You may end by (think of it)
looking on We
As only a sort of They."
-Rudyard Kipling, "We and They,"1926
well, I suppose it was very related to the topic... which was about ingroup bias... Perhaps the literary aspect of psychology shouldn't attract me so much- it makes me take ages to read a chapter because I keep looking at the margins with these things. And they ARE cool when you relate it to the topic... Oh all right, I am an unjustifiable nerd... =)
"If the Tiber reaches the walls, if the Nile does not rise to the fields, if the sky doesn't move or the earth does, if there is famine, if there is plague, the cry is at once, 'The Christians to the lion!'"
-Tertullian, Apologeticus, A.D 197
And if that isn't ancient, I don't know what is, really. I've found Gore Vidal's books in both libraries I have frequent access to, but he's got so many books! I decided to try the collected essays, numbered 814.5 in Curtin. I should be able to grab a copy on tuesday. Hmm, which reminds me. I should look up 'The Teacher's Handpook' by peter pook and see if they have that in the lib. Slim chance, but worth a shot?
Anyways, I really should get going... Such a sdren.
Jaa~

Saturday, March 12, 2005

*-[The things we do]`+
I just finished watching 'A Cinderella Story'. Starring Hilary Duff. And it was stereotyped, corny, and slightly adhesive to the original script. Except that it was a cell phone and not a glass slipper. I'd have laughed it off in any normal situation. I'd have walked off halfway to get food, noting that prince charming wasn't even cute. Oh come on.
But I just sat there, and watched the whole way through. Why? Because something inside me- the little girl inside me told me that I wanted to watch a fairy tale come true. And anyone who's old enough knows that true blue fairy tales are corny. We've grown up to change our ideas of fairy tales. The Cinderella I see now is modern, different, less naive. Is it because we've become more coherent as the years have passed? Or is it because we've become so disillusioned about romance that we modify it so that it still seems feasible. Perhaps a cynically dysfuntional mixture of both, but I also believe I've come to ask for something better than a fairy tale. Too much, you say?
As with all social conventions, the Cinderella Story addresses the norms in western lifestyle- bitchy girls, cute out-of-our-league guys, and we've always cast ourselves as the dull plain jane. That's what the story rides on- the victory of the underdog. But to what point and purpose? The guy Cinderella gets is hardly pristine, and hasn't enough moral courage, nor the guts to do what he should have. What are they telling us? That true sensible romance is boring? I think not. And That's why movies only last a couple of hours. Anymore and we'll be disillusioned by the facts that'll hit in a while. The inner turmoil that comes with these stories isn't all fun. So they happen in real life. So what? I think it hurts more than not in real life.
Maybe I'm just sour grapes. But the corny love stories of cinderella and her confederates don't work for me anymore. I'm 17, and wish I wasn't. Remember that story in Ellery Queen we read, Rachel? The one where the rich man's wife became wheelchair bound and the carpenter killed her husband at her request? There's something about that story that intrigues me. Maybe because it frightens me that people do so much for such a small reason, but also because feelings are such a powerful force if you let them be.
I think I'm being too... cynical? SiGh. Perhaps ignorance really is bliss.
[The cry of my heart. Is to be true.]

Thursday, March 10, 2005

*-[Memory fades into Logic]`+
Heyy Babes! Guess what I'm doing? I'm blasting 'infatuation' at like a really high volume and dancing around thanks to rach's blog. See la! Because of her I played 1, 2 step a hundred and one times.. now it's infatuation. And it's made me look for 'Loving me for me'. Christina rocks! Ahahahahaa. I'm SO high! Actually I have a feeling it has something to do with the loudness of the music- and it in my ears.
Got 4 days off in a row, how cool is that? Cos clinical science got cancelled. I love this life. But I actually have more than a fair amount of work to do. Just taking today as my usual friday and loving it!!!
Missing you babes again, nothing beats girl power ya'know? And by the way, I took my first tumble on those platforms I have.. Lyd u remember how u almost fell? Well, 4 months into buying them i DID. And i will never forget that horrid curb of building 308. Hurr. Biomed sciences... *grr* It's all that building's fault.
I did a lot of thinking and praying today. And I've taken a lot out of Elizabeth Elliot's book, hoping to place it in my own life. It's really something to look at, something worth doing, but it's difficult. Matters of the breakable heart are never easy to handle, ya? I guess what I'm trying to do is to make [Isa 54:5] and [1cor7:34] the core of my theory on these issues, For now at least. I really want to live my life and not waste it "surviving". Preference is to loving Him and serving Him. Not to running away.. not to looking for something else... =)
Living to love Him ALONE.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

*-[Distal Intentions]`+
Terminology sucks, doesn't it? Why can't people just use layman terms to explain everything? I'd be able to understand things better then. Distal intention haunts my conscience... I'm constantly asking myself, "Am I saying this with an underlying motive?" Because now that I finally know what I'm doing when I process a message and actually verbalise it... I'm slower to speak. haha. Perhaps it's a good thing.
Recently some events of the times before keep recurring. I'm feeling uncomfortable in my Aussie home again~ I remember how familiar home is.. I think about the times where I lazed in Rachel's room, I borrowed Lydia's clothes... the night swim in her pool (with Sushi and pee)(don't ask)... I particularly remember one incident, Rach, when we were being quarrantined in the auditorium and we were listening to Kelly Clarkson and cutting out Manga.. It didn't fit good so you printed it in a way that when cut would be perfect... and when we did get it together, it looked like the real thing.. Ahah, walking out of the classrooms where it was so cold and we'd experience what we'd coined as 'photosynthesis', the process of warming up under the sun. How accurate. If only I could live on sunlight and be a little leprechaun. Then I'd be skinny all winter. But I'd have to be green! Oh shucks.
We were watching little children on a video to monitor their communicative intent. And I saw all these beautiful kids.. simply adorable~! And they were crying, or flapping their hands, or drooling.. and I just LOVED how absolutely beautiful they were! I'm so gonna have kids when I grow up. No, Rach, I refuse to aid Singapore's aging population. They don't like PRs anymore. =) No borrowing them to fill your government quota either~ you can borrow Lyd's.. bet she'll have heaps, ehy? And I still think you're gonna have heaps too!! *whispers* hamsters?
Oh wells, gotta finish my phonetics. I've got a whole passage to transcribe. Prepare to drink gallons of water. Jaa people!
[every move I make I make in you
you make me move Jesus!]

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

*-[comfortably routined]`+
I think I'm getting comfortable with uni life already. =) Going to lectures, doodling, maybe the occasional drool, then it's home to watch TV and do my work. I can't say that Human Biology was the best today though, G.W showed that behind a placcid exterior can be a rather clawy bear. Nevertheless, contact being limited to listening and handing up assignments, nothing can be too serious. (but I think he dislikes me already because I failed to staple the darn assignment.) I'm watching frasier.. wishing I could stay on to watch CSI... Sigh.. but I've got to do work~ *wails*. I'm being lazy already, and this is only my 2nd week! Oh help.
YaaaRgh... Mel isn't giving Niles a divorce~!!!!! When will Daph and Niles get together??? Frasier can jolly well keep his nose out of this...
Hahaha... I need more food.
Jaa~!
*-[::SmIrK::]`+
I realise my blog is hard to read in normal font (okaeokae so I'm slow *rolls eyes*) So I'm typing in large. =) Need to make sure my besties have good eyesight ya??
Why Smirk? Cos it's plastered across my face! Hehe~ Not smirk as in a so-there smirk, but a happy smirk that's stuck on my face cos I AM happy! Haha. Happy... happy... ureshii ne!
Lala~ lecture notes can be a pain in the ass.. I'm going to have to start buying newspapers! sigh. I had the weirdest dream last night! sOSo weird.. I dreamt that Calvary's new play was out and it was in the water... with people floating on crosses to shore and then someone talked for ages when we got to shore and we gradually came to sit in a circle... and Maryanne mentioned Jon Ho and how his surname isn't Ho it's ho. And therefore they were going to send him off somewhere because it was incomplete.. (does she even know him?) and then I dreamt that ***h was there (think sodium hydroxide) and that he had to walk through the jungle for some weird reason and I had to go along and make sure they jumped into waterfalls to keep their ears clean (I was smsed about the ears clean bit) and bring cucumber along to make sure they ate vege. And then I dreamt I came by a shop with ceremics, home furnishings, kitchen utensils and stuff, and it was really nice artsy stuff... and I dreamt that my lecturer (N. Gasson) owned it! (I'm seeing her today la~!) hahah and I didn't buy anything but I went twice. ahaha. I remember feeling so asian. ahahahaha. me and my silly dreams.
Anyways, I need to go annoy myself with IPA transcription. Jaa!
*skips off happily*

Monday, March 07, 2005

*-[fənətiks]`+

ðIs Iz had. aI tſ^st l3nt ðIs. aI wIl stЮp hIə bIkЮz ju kant ^nd3stænd mi.

No, I'm not insane yet people. =Grinz= the joy of phonetics. I don't even think it's all right. kekekekekeke.

Class at 11, Jaa ne~

Saturday, March 05, 2005

*-[Tsunanoshiro]`+

Minna-San, please tell me I spelt sandcastle in Jap correctly...
I shall take my time to write this entry because my heart goes into it. My emotions are being dragged on a rollercoaster- I'm not sure what to think at all. I'm afraid to think. It's been a fun day.. a nice day.. a cloudy, cold (ちょっと寒い), beachy day. A day where everyone's just relaxing... having a bit of letting go.. the week's tension fails to break the spirit, and the cold wind does one good. And yet the pain and the irrevocable stab wounds have not healed. Who wields the knife, you ask? I do. I've done this. I've caused this pain. I didn't do it on purpose, of course. I'm NOT a psycho (as much as my readings of david g. Myers' textbook on psychology may try to make one of me.) (Can you believe that he was CORNY enough to suggest that there was a science called psychoceramics? The study of crackpots, said he. I frowned.) Anyhow, these wounds are not physical, which would henceforth prove my sanity.
And yet it is no comfort that I must sit sober on this ride, when I want so badly to get down, to shout out to the world how I feel, to tell people what really is. But how can I do this unless I know what really is? How do I really feel? I don't know. And none of your flashing lights and button pushing psychology is going to fix that, Mr. Myers. No siree. I believe in one God the Almighty, all that he is is all that I want. Unfortunately for me, psychology isn't a science or a pseudo-science, it's simply taking a hike on a long gooseberry chase and coming back on the bus to where you started off. Thanks for the ride.
As you can see, it isn't just matters of the heart that are causing irritation, it's also the studying. And to add to that another matter: disspointment. So what, there are 3 causes for an upset 17 year old who sits at the piano playing 'Always' because it reminds her of what she has, of what she puts her faith in, her money on, and her security in. It's he who rose the sun for me, who painted me a million stars that I might know his majesty. And for that, I'm okae. But today's been heavy upon my heart because of these 3 things. The first being the most heavy- Chimari and Yuuko found out about it today (恋の何何) but they don't know who it is... I daren't breathe a word because they've already mentioned the person in passing- and also because I don't want it to go around...It's still close to my heart and obviously it still matter a lot to me-

NyAhh.
I'm going to play the piano..
RaCh! だれ?だれ?まじで?

Thursday, March 03, 2005

*-[Cadavers]`+
If you're eating, you might want to read this later.

I had human biology from 4 to 6 today. and yes, I echo Su Ann's MSN nick strongly:
I saw & touched dead humans plus their organs!
There were 2 of them waiting for us in the lab, rumours had already been running around saying we'd see them today... and we did! Gary Whittaker, a nice and funny guy aka my tutor, told us in the last 15 minutes of class that we were going to walk to block 404. Nothing wrong with 404, aptly and concisely named biomedical science. It was the formalin smell. Formaldehyde, to be exact. And as we trooped in with our mouths covered, I had no idea what to expect. The smell was not half as bad as I had imagined. The rumours (as all rumours are) were rather exaggerated. And the first question I wanted answers to was answered the minute I saw it/her? She was skinned. Mm Hm, no fuss, no gasping, just matter of fact looks all round and a little squinting of the eyes. Muscle was bare in sight all over, and looked too much like the meat we all eat for me to have had chicken tonight. I heaped the cabbage on and gratefully swallowed rice. I kept remembering the muscles on the disphragm and how they looked like beef. No one had an adverse reaction to it, but most left as soon as they could. A few of us stayed back, however. Gary took out a lung, and noted it's sponginess. A cadaver lung is usually hard, but because the subject had had emphysema, it was soft and spongy. The cadaver happened to be an 89 year old lady who smoked, and had multiple health problems, judging by the mis-shapen kidneys, dark colored lungs (deep blue in patches from carbon and tar), and thin left-ventricle walls. The heart was cut into half to show the tendons and the cardiac muscle clearly- she must have had heart problems because the coronory arteries were strange and the heart muscle was not strong. The pericardium was still intact, although all fluid was already drained. Some tufts of skin were left on in order to hold the limbs together, and on closer inspection it was wrinkled and quite ermm, how do you describe these things? The hands, feet and head were covered and Claire the lab technician offered to uncover it- Me and Su promptly left and decided that could wait. As Speechies (the rather corny name for speech therapists) we would have to deal with cadavers of the head... sometimes ONLY the head, to inspect muscles and other organs involved with speech production. I don't think I was ready, and I'm pretty glad we left. Although Gary said the face was skinned, I could see hair from under the cloth, and I decided not to imagine how the face looked. What if somehow through some ingenious way, they managed to preserve the eyes, giving it some sort of haunted expression?? I didn't want to know for now. I told myself I'd wait till session 5. And when I have to, I have to. It didn't cause some sort of morbid facination, but rather an awe inspiring wonder of what it would be like to be a body donor and have people look at me and poke at my insides. I'm being terribly matter of fact about all this but I have no choice- I hope it doesn't dehumanise me or anything- It does seem terribly disrespectful to poke around other people's insides while they lie there stark naked- more than naked really... They don't even have the security of their skin. I wonder if I'm beautiful on the inside... Gary just removed her rib cage like it was a cover... and there it all was.. laid bare all her cards on the table. Claire lifted the liver and spleen and dug out a kidney. I vaguely wondered what I should do with my body... I think organ donation is much safer. at least someone uses my organs instead of inspecting them. There are cameras all over... not to make sure the cadavers run away as Gary suggested.. but rather to make sure we were nice to the cadavers. I wonder about this 89 year old lady. Did she really want to give her body to science? If she knew how people would take her apart, would she think twice? If she knew how the preservatives would be injected into her artery... would she still do this? Now that I've seen two cadavers, and more to come in time (I can feel my stomach knotting) I don't know about body donation. I think I'll stick to being an organ donor. =) I don't want people spending $400000 to $600000 on me just to keep me preserved like a comfy pickle in a fridge.

On a less gut wrenching note, I was victimised (or rather I volunteered to be tortured) as we did a simple experiment on homeostasis. I had Su measuring my breathing, Ashleigh doing my pulse and lucy taking temperature ALL AT ONCE. I couldn't stop laughing, as Su asked me to breathe harder.. and I though about this and I thought ashleigh might ask me to beat my heart harder... and I think we were sadly inaccurate because it was a dodgy experiment. I was such a lab rat. Fun though.

Went out with Yuuko and Chimari. Think we're going jogging tomorr. They're lovely girls =).. so politely japanese, finding out stuff about Aussie (like wearing short skirts and skimpy clothes) and loving life. I've got lots to learn from these two.. think they're just smashingly cool. =)

OkAe.. I should go finish my readings... for bio and psych. I hope it wasn't a pukable entry.. sorry guys! But I found it rather interesting. Not in a morbid way either. Just... amazing stuff. yeah. =)

Jaa~
[You painted a million stars.. that I might know your majesty...]

=Jesus.My.One.And.Only=

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

*-[Paper Forks and Subscriptions]`+
I've been on an intensive subscription programme for a while now.
I subscribe to the following important journals,
accurate scientifically, chronologically,
and most importantly
they give me an idea of the latest in that field of study.
The PhishBowl times...
tells all about life from a phishbowl perspective.
The think pink journals:
All the latest on pinkish lifestyle.
reading?
Yes, I do a lot of e-journals.
But only the ones that matter to me.
=smirk=
Did you ever think about how long a paper fork were to last you if you were to eat with one?
Like eating cereal.
Try it when you're free.
Unfortunately I'm not so eng.
Hahaha.
Tell me how it goes.
=)

Tuesday, March 01, 2005


An Advertistment for the best sleepwear in the world:
Murdoch College's jumper!
Comfy..
Warm...
and it makes you sleepy!
Get one now! Wheeeeeeeee!
-SmIrK-